Love…it’s one of the most basic needs of human beings. We have all heard the stories of infants that don’t get held and how they don’t grow like the ones that do. And that’s even BEFORE they have any preconceived notions of what love SHOULD look and feel like.
Most of us are so desperate for love that we will allow ourselves to survive on even the smallest crumbs of affection. YOU know what I’m talking about…you pour your heart out to someone in vulnerability and all you get back is xoxo and you try to make excuses for your partner like he/she is soo busy…they really do love me…they did buy me that sweatshirt on Valentine’s Day…whatever your story is…
Not only are many of us surviving on crumbs from others but because of OUR fear, that’s all most of us are able to GIVE…too afraid to FULLY expose our hearts because of our fear of rejection…so we only share crumbs. We give only half of ourselves. ..or even less…expecting/hoping that other person will somehow “see” us through all the layers of fear, insecurity and self-loathing and respond with a big, open heart…the one WE were afraid to share!!
WE’VE BEEN GOING ABOUT IT ALL WRONG, PEOPLE!! I know…I’ve done it from both sides…most of my life giving crumbs, more recently accepting crumbs although I was laying my heart on the line.
What happened…SELF-LOVE happened…it was somewhat of an evolution…always is. So I was clear some time ago about living from my heart-space, being vulnerable…exposing my heart and feelings…been doing that and I must say…I have been playing FULL OUT in that arena…it has been HUGE for me.
I got to a place where I was clear the next thing I wanted to create in my life was an amazing relationship with an amazing partner. Being capable of sharing my heart authentically and putting my relationship first in my life in a way that I never have in 2 prior marriages and a couple of failed relationships, I now look forward to creating TRUE partnership with someone that is ready and able to do the same.
I set out on a very cosmic day (lunar/solar eclipse) with 2 of my best girlfriends on a hike up the Bountiful Canyon. We found a big beautiful tree to sit under… we “created” together our “ideal” man and relationship…what it would look like, feel like, certain characteristics this man would have (think Practical Magic, when Sandra Bullocks’ character as a child was doing a love spell and said, “…his favorite shape will be stars, he'll have one blue eye, one green…” and she sent it off into the ether...see below) …that’s exactly what we did with great detail and discussion about ALL of it.
After discussing what we were going to create, we talked about how WE were going to BE all of those things that we desired in a partner. When we were NOT exhibiting those things we had each other to call us on it and to get us back on track. I made some big changes in my life…letting go of friendships that were not in alignment with my new creation, not dating, spending a lot of time alone in contemplation, reading books about relationships, letting go of old filters that I realized were not authentically mine…just old beliefs that I had grown up with, allowing the divine feminine to blossom within myself, and refining constantly just what it is that I desired and was creating. What we were doing was “creating space” for that person/relationship to show up...or like the clip said, we were "summoning up a true love spell".
I believe that anything we truly desire, we must have total clarity about it before it will appear/manifest…it must be created in the vibrational field first of thoughts, intentions and emotions and then RELEASED. Once we have “created” it on this spiritual plane, we must let go of our attachment to it. We must also let go of any particular face we have attached to this creation and be open and trusting of the UNIVERSE/GOD/SOURCE to show up in exactly the way our authentic heart has requested.
When someone does show up in our lives, we deserve to be patient and let the relationship unfold in its own timing…it should never feel forced. A flower doesn’t “try” to bloom…it just blooms…grass doesn’t “try” to grow…it just grows…as do all GREAT relationships. Which is not to say that no effort is involved.
Often in our haste to find “the ONE” we take our “list” and project it on this one person… we will stretch our desires to make them fit this person. For example you may have on your list that you must admire and respect your partner…and you DO …in the area of business…but you DON’T in the way he treats you…that’s stretching. Or you meet someone who MAY fulfill your entire list of desires, but they don’t “look” the way you thought they should or have the right job, etc. You were expecting an international business man and a cowboy showed up. Or guys, you were expecting a 6 foot tall blonde with big boobs and a 5’4” brunette appears in your life. You dismiss them (think Jerry Seinfeld…man hands) because of the outer details…you don’t even look to see what may be lurking in the HEART which is MOST important.
Forget the little details like likes, dislikes, hobbies, careers, looks…set it aside for a moment…those things DO have a place and may be what initially attracts us to each other, however…once you find someone you think you may be interested in…the more important questions to ask yourself is, “How do I “feel” around this person?”, “Does this person have a kind heart?”, “Does this person love, honor and respect himself?” , “Does this person inspire me to be a better person?”, “Does this person have a good relationship with his family, children, friends?”, “Do you admire and respect this person?” If you can answer yes to all of these questions…then you have a great foundation to explore everything else…chemistry, interests, workability. They say that friends make the best lovers. One of the things on my list was that I desired my future partner to be my best friend.
We often go about it just the opposite…always looking for chemistry and the outer shiny stuff…we get involved too quickly to later find out kindness, communication and respect are lacking. Now your entangled and watching all those things you desired to create…become part of a distant dream instead of a reality.
Set your priorities, be crystal CLEAR about the relationship you want to create and don’t settle for ANYTHING less! The temporary crumbs of affection or instant gratification you may gain are EXACTLY what will keep you from creating the DREAM LOVE OF YOUR LIFE. The Universe has infinite organizing powers…TRUST, BELIEVE and be OPEN to RECEIVE. What if that person you dream of DOES exist? Isn’t he or she WORTH waiting for?
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Tears & Kindness
The past 4 months I have consciously and intently been uncovering and unearthing the layers around the fortress that used to “protect” my heart. I have practiced and am now living with my heart wide-open and I dare say, will never go back. Don’t get me wrong, it has not been all butterflies and unicorns with little hearts dancing through the ether like a cartoon. Although some days have felt like that…I wrote in my journal on one of those days, “…the inner peace, joy and happiness have been so sublime that I’ve almost felt un-earthly…” Most days however, I have felt extreme sadness, heart-break and lonelines co-existing. On some days, I have cried 3 times before breakfast…and that was just a start….besides the 3 reasons mentioned above I have also wept in deep gratitude at the grace present in my life, the abundance, the love pouring through my veins for every living thing…songs make me cry…not just lyrics but passionate opera, driving by the Enchanted Cottage makes me bawl, seeing a hawk flying at my old place almost brought me to my knees missing the sight so much…
Do you know what surprised me the most about my tears, besides the fact that I could have counted on my hands the times I had EVER cried in my life before I turned 30 and now I cry daily? The biggest surprise is the tears I cry at the smallest acts of kindness from friends and strangers alike… here’s a (partial) list:
…hugs…omg…when I’m on the verge of tears and somebody hugs me…I just lose it feeling their love for me.
…I was going to ask a friend who has a beautiful yard if I could go there to write…I cried before I even called because I knew he would say yes…I cried more when the text came back, “…I love you. The mansion is your playground…”
…beautiful emails from a dear friend acknowledging the inner work I had been doing..."Your grace under fire is so very indicative of all the work that you are doing ...AND your courage is supported and admired. You could totally break down and crash and everyone who truly loves you would love you all the same. You could fly straight into the sun and burn up completely and find yourself reborn in a completely new form and everyone who loves you would love you all the same"
…a friend gave me a bag full of fresh veggies and blueberries…I cried.
…another friend said, “you’re the perfect woman: beautiful, smart, sexy, easy to get along with and spiritual…get REAL clear about what you want because you can have anything.” …tears of joy on that one…
…someone I don’t know on fb telling me what an inspiration I was to her and that she wants to be a better person because of it…cry…
…texts from a couple to me in the middle of the day, “we are thinking about you, Laurie and just want you to know we are here for you…if you need anything don’t hesitate to call.”
…having car issues and my friends husband says, “I know you have a lot of girlfriends, Laurie…but probably none of them can change your oil…sometimes you just need a man…just call me.”…more tears.
...a message from a friend I have yet to meet, expressing his love and concern for me, calling me his little brown-eyed girl...
…another friend letting me borrow his Jeep when he was out of town because of my car issues at the time…
…the Universe giving me a double-rainbow, pointing out the hawk overhead and a beautiful flower growing out of a crack in the cement on my walk…
What has developed for me because of this is KINDNESS…on a whole new level. Having never (or rarely) been“fragile”…I didn’t get the impact of how my kindness or lack of consideration may have had on another. I considered myself a “nice” person before, but I can say that I was unconscious about it. Now, everybody gets hugs from me…long ones…my smile means more knowing that I may be looking into the eyes of despair and wishing to communicate hope in a glance…I offer things to people that I don’t need or think they would appreciate…clothes, food, rides to the airport…I consciously look for ways to be kind, give, inspire and show my appreciation.
When I say, “thank-you” it’s not empty or unconscious like it was expected, no big deal or something I could have done for myself…..when I say thank-you for your kindness, gift, compliment it is from the depth of my heart that has been touched or moved in some way because of your generosity. Thank-you.
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