Wednesday, August 8, 2012

You Are Not Special

You are not Special.

Most of us have this disease we'll call 'specialness'.  We all want to be special...we want to be the favorite child or grandchild. We want to be the best friend, the favorite girlfriend or boyfriend, the head of the class, the president of the group, the one people like the most.

All my life I tried to prove my specialness to a mother who clearly didn't want amount of student body president, cheerleading captain, Miss Maine or anorexia was going to make it so...and that’s just the short list. 

Trust me, I know this disease well.

This desire to be special, to stand out from the crowd, often comes from our beliefs that we are not enough, that we may be inadequate or lacking in some way. So we attempt to remedy the situation with heroic acts, selflessness, service, having a fancy house, expensive car, great body, special partner, etc

But the truth of the matter is—We are not our possessions, positions or relationships...we are not even our bodies, thoughts or doing-ness. 

We are just us... Plain Jane and simple.

We are not special.  Strip it all away and we are the same...we shall all leave this place the same, just as we came into it. 

 And truly, that is a beautiful place to be. In that sameness we are able to feel the truth of Onenes.  In our sameness, we are always enough.  In our sameness there is no judgement. In our sameness only love and acceptance exist. In our sameness, we are not alone—we are one. 

In your specialness you will never be enough.  In your specialness you will fear someone taking your place and being more special than you. In your specialness you can be an elitist snob.  In your specialness you are better than everybody else.  In your specialness nobody can relate. In your specialness you are alone.  

It turns out that ‘special’ is a very lonely place. It's as if we are in a sea of isolated, tall pillars- one person atop of each pillar. This place is devoid of connection. You can't reach out to touch someone because you are so high up and far away from the next pillar. The person on the next pillar is too caught up in his own specialness to see the other people on the pillars near by...and even if he could see, he may be threatened that your pillar is a tad higher than his.
And don’t forget, the people below.  They are the ones who really know they could never be special, so they gather round the pillars of their favorite ‘special one’ to admire and worship...and you special ones are too high up to reach down. Once again, creating a lack of connection. Can you see how ugly it can be to be ‘special’

I’m not saying to stop shining your magnificent Light. I’m saying don’t worry about how anyone else perceives you. I’m saying be your brightest Self just for you, because that’s who you are...not because you are trying to impress.  Attempting to be something you are not, always comes from fear and insecurity.  Just be you. Like Buddha said, ‘Be a light unto yourself.’ When you are in that space, feeling lit from within, being inspired by the truth of you, loving who you are...that is special.

From that ‘special’ space, you will begin connecting effortlessly with others who are in that ‘same’ space. 

For me, I’d like to trade in ‘special’ for simply being present.  When I am present, everyone in my space feels special. 


  1. "You are special, just like everyone else."

  2. Excellent and inspiring article. I am seeking to find and live from this "space" in my own journey. Your observations are perfectly timed. Thank you.

  3. I am so glad you wrote this and you expressed these words perfectly (not cause you're special, you write well). :) I understand a lot of what you are saying regarding childhood especially and I went for the gusto: I was a talented dancer/choreographer, musician, straight A student...blah, blah, blah but it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough because wanting to be special means you need to see validation from another. It means the divine spark of life you are isn't enough (wtf?). It means you have to be "better" than another or "less than". I have so appreciated some of my new relationships because I have learned we are all special and not special at all. When you realize you are the "same" you no longer live from a space of hierarchy. You no longer need to be greater or less than anyone else. I have had times recently where people have chosen out of my space because I didn't make them feel, "special enough". That hurt because I was just living and learning. When I am put in the space of having to validate all the people around me it is a role I never will fulfill. I will let someone down inevitably without knowing it. Also, when I have felt the pull to be "special" to someone else I have created my own unnecessary pain. It is all an illusion. When I am in the moment with any one of my friends or family I am in the moment with THEM. I am not thinking of anyone else or what anyone else would think about it. If I do that then I'm not being in integrity with myself. I choose to enjoy each person and each moment and let us all be "special and not special" in each one. We just are, love just is. That is why I wrote about the bird in the cage which talks about the relationships of pain because we are forcing something to look the way we want it to, to feel "special". Relationships flow...or they don't. I agree when we let go of this, we open the door to the joy of being.

  4. Amazingly cogent...and well-thought, not just for those who think they need to be "special" but for those who see others through a critical lens, as in "He's nothing special". Very glad to have read this. Thank you!

  5. Awesome article! I think you struck on the core problem of humanity. If we all could feel special in every way, no matter what our peers tell us about US or even ourselves, we would finally be able to tune in and "listen" to our core inner soul or higher being. We would be all that we are and could continue on our journeys on a much higher perspective. ♥ We ARE enough in every way; divine BEINGS through and through.

  6. This is absolutely beautiful! Thank you...thank you!

  7. How true, "don’t worry about how anyone else perceives you. I’m saying be your brightest Self just for you, because that’s who you are...not because you are trying to impress." I've always been like the Wizard of Oz standing behind the curtains but still in control of myself pulling my own strings until the government tied me up with my own strings. Now I alone can escape from my own bondage but do need you to please snip a few of these damn strings for me. I'll snip a few of yours for you too.:)

  8. LOL... Our society is so trained to want to be special that even those words "You Are Not Special" can create fear and anxiety!

    The truth is, any time we are comparing ourselves to someone else, we are not present.

    Let's face it, getting satisfaction out of comparing ourselves to others is exhausting!!! With over six billion people on the planet, the odds are extraordinarily stacked against you! There will ALWAYS be someone more beautiful, more intelligent, more friendly, more loving, more creative, more successful, and the list goes on and on. Some might say, but the odds are also IN my favor, I can be smarter, prettier, whatever than a ton of people!! LOL. But again, how exhausting to always be keeping score! How much better to just be present with our own Divinity, perfect in all our imperfections!

    Bottom line is just as you said Laurie. We are ONE human family. When you have a pure and direct connection to the Divine, the need to compare just melts away into PRESENCE. When we are present we are able to see what is wonderful about someone and not feel diminished. We are free to celebrate their gifts, their lights, because it is OUR light.

    One love. One light. Let's get together and feel all right. <3 <3 <3

  9. Dear Laura;
    Thank you so much for writing this article!!
    It is so freeing to not be special!!
    Hugs and Love to you from Eva Gabrielle