Delicious Autumn!!

Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns.~George Eliot

It’s the Fall Equinox, Peeps...happening now. Why do I share all this stuff about what's going on in the cosmos? Because it’s important. Because to be present to the seasons, elements, nature and life itself is to be in a space of balance and harmony, abundance and gratitude. 

If you are in tune with the amazing abundance and beauty that is happening outside your very door RIGHT NOW, you may forget, if only for a moment— the fear of the bills that are due, the weight of the toxic relationships you find yourself in, the burden of work you have to get done for a job that you really don’t even like, the emotional issues of family members that you somehow feel responsible to fix, and those nagging aches and pains in your body that you try to ignore and—well, just enjoy the show!!!

And when you let yourself fully “enjoy the show” you would feel yourSelf immersed in awe and wonder at the beauty all around you...you would start to really ‘see’ the colors of the changing leaves, the baby blue-ness of the sky, you might almost ‘feel’ yourself immersed in the billowy-puffy angel pillows called clouds, your sense of smell might come alive and you would detect the smell of pines, cut grass, and that ‘fall-smell’ in the air, you would feel the crisp, cool, fall air across your face and blowing through your hair.  You just might feel ALIVE— if even for a moment.

And the longer you ‘allow’ your big, bright, beautiful Self to linger in this place of presence, you may find that you really like it here and you want to stay longer.  You may even glimpse that this space is your TRUTH. That it resonates so much with your Soul, you may remember that this is WHO YOU ARE. You may touch something within that you felt you’d long lost touch with—that only exists in childhood, never to be recaptured— at least by you.

And YOU would be wrong! It does exist. It IS within you. You just abandoned it for things you felt were more important like making money, raising a perfect family, or climbing your ladder that never ends.  

I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with those things—in balance. What I will say, is the more you allow yourSelf to tune in, to mother earth, to the ways of the ancients, of honoring the coming and going of the seasons, the sun, the moon, the stars, etc; the more in touch with the truth of ‘You’ will you get. And the more in touch and the more aligned you are with your mind, body, spirit and Highest Self, the more you will desire to feel like this all the time.

And when that time comes—when you are tired of your own rat-race, drama, bull-shit, lack-luster relationships, get-by job, body that doesn’t work, etc, you will make a decision to do whatever it takes to heal yourSelf from all the crap that weighs you down. You will decide that your limiting beliefs about yourself no longer serve you, that you really have it within you to do that thing you have ALWAYS wanted to do, that you deserve a relationship that lights you up and a job that inspires you and you will just go MAKE IT HAPPEN!!!

Yep, that’s right....all by being present. By noticing the amazing show happening right now in your own life.

The fall equinox is all about celebration, abundance and beauty. It’s a time to acknowledge all the amazing strides and progress you have already made in this direction. It’s a time to go inward, to mine for the gold that is YOU. You ARE abundance, harmony, bliss peace and wonder!! The greatest journey you will ever take is that within—YOU are a marvel and a wonder. The beauty you see outside in this beautiful big, blue marble is only an outward gorgeous reflection of the beauty within YOU!!! Don’t miss the freaking show!!!!!

What is an Enlightened Relationship?

Many people on our planet are awakening to a new form of romantic relationship. Old notions of “’Til Death Do Us Part”, “For Time and All Eternity”, “And They Lived Happily Ever After” are falling away as evidence by the high divorce rate and failed relationships. The need to own your partner, control or manipulate them, feel victimized by your own unhappiness (and blame it on your partner) no longer serve us.  Relationships deserve an over-haul—better yet, a full-blown transformation.  May I suggest something new—The Enlightened Relationship. Not for the faint of heart. You have to do your own deep personal work to play in this arena. 

To be in an Enlightened Relationship there are a few requirements: 

1. It takes two conscious beings who are willing to be 100% accountable for themSelves and the relationship—not just 50% accountable and blaming their partner for the other fifty. David Hawkins wrote in Power vs. Force, “By taking the responsibility for the consequences of his own perceptions, the observer can transcend the role of victim to an understanding that ‘nothing out there has power over you.’ It isn’t life’s events, but how one reacts to them and the attitude that one has about them, that determines whether such events have a positive or negative effect on one’s life, whether they’re experienced as opportunity or as stress.” 
2. You have to know yourSelf, so you can own your voice and speak your truth about whatever comes up for you in honesty and authenticity. 
3. You have to let go of your attachment to being right as well as your expectations as to how the relationship should look and be ok with accepting what is. 

Just those three alone are enough to exclude most of the population.  How often do you find people that are able to OWN 100% of the issues in their relationships without playing the victim card? How many people do you know actually speak up when they feel hurt, slighted, upset, angry, disappointed? And not to gossip about it and point the finger at their so-called accuser, but to address that particular person without blaming?  And who do you know that has no attachment to being right? Hmmm...small crowd, eh?

So—it’s RARE. And I will tell you, it will be much easier if you are being that person to find that person.  If you are still blaming your parents or your ex for anything in your life, if you don’t value yourSelf enough to speak up for yourSelf, and if you can’t just go with the flow wether you are right or wrong, forget about it. 

However, if you’ve gotten a good grip on those 3 things above, there’s hope for you...read on.

So If I am in a truly enlightened relationship then I will love my partner(s) unconditionally.  I will want for them that which they desire for themselves. I will also hold my own needs and desires equal to that of my partner and not compromise my own truth. 

In an enlightened relationship, I have no need for a commitment or any promise of tomorrow . I understand that security is an illusion and that the need for commitment or monogamy is fear based and does in no way ensure security only gives one a false sense of it. I have no need to tie someone to a future that doesn’t exists so I can allay any fears of them leaving me for someone else. If that happens, I will realize the relationship was no longer serving us, and embrace it with grace, harmony and no hard feelings. Only gratitude for the love that was exchanged and lessons learned will be present. Enlightened relationships shift and transform, they don’t end. They also transition with the same grace and ease that they began...not with the usual drama, anger and resentment common in the old paradigm.  

In this enlightened space, I am able to be completely present and trust that all will unfold perfectly. I trust that the right people will show up at perfectly the right time for me to experience and learn what is next on my Soul’s journey.

I have no expectations in this relationship, nor do I expect my partner to make me happy and/or fulfill all of my needs.  I create happiness for mySelf from within.  The minute I give my power to someone or something outside of mySelf is where all the disappointment and suffering begins. If I think that my partner holds the keys to my happiness, we are both fucked (and I don’t mean in a good way!)  When he doesn’t do what I expect, I am a victim/whiney-bitch and he becomes an asshole. Yuck!! Unfortunately, that old school of thought is still rampant. There are still people that think someone else is responsible for their happiness.  I pity the hair-dressers that have to listen to the stories all day! That’s probably why one of the first things I teach my clients is accountability—it  eliminates all the story and empowers them.   

I will not create an enlightened relationship if I am still identifying with my position, possessions and relationships.  All of those things i.e. job titles, homes, cars and even relationships are transient and impermanent.  If I rely on those things to “make me” happy or to glean my identity from, I will fall apart when one or any of those things leave or disappear.  When I come from the space of self-referral as opposed to object-referral, I know that if all those things and people go away, I am still mySelf—I have the same intrinsic value. 

Enlightened relationships emphasize an abundance mentality not fear and lack. I realize that if my partner loves another it doesn’t mean that he loves me any less.  I am not diminished in any way because he has others that he cares about, nor do I feel less for him because I love another.  Monogamy is a conscious choice that is neither inherently “right” nor “wrong”.  If I choose it, it does not mean that my partner has to make the same choice. It’s about freedom above all else. I don’t manipulate, force, co-erce or guilt my partner into making a choice that is not his truth. I do, however, have open and honest lines of communication with no expectation of particular behaviors. I don’t ask for promises or commitments...my desire is for us to be completely present with each other.  Promises and commitments exist in a fantasy-made-up-future. 

And even if I were given one, I would never hold anybody to it, not that I have that power anyway.  If someone that I was with decided that they would rather be elsewhere, then that’s what I would want for them, too.  Why would I want to deny them the desire of their heart? Why would I want anyone to be with me if they would rather be somewhere else??  That’s just repulsive to me and wreaks of victim-mentality, guilt and manipulation. If I truly love another, I want nothing but my beloved’s desires for himSelf. That doesn’t mean that I don’t experience any sadness or loss.  It just means that I embrace whatever is for the beauty and lesson it provides me at the same time.  

In this relationship I realize that I am responsible for mySelf.  I create my own reality. If I have any obligation, it is simply to be open and honest. I am not responsible for my partner's emotions or reactions to my honest communication.   I understand that I can’t hurt or be hurt by another unless I allow it and choose to be and then I am the only one accountable for my response/reaction. I am never a victim.  This piece alone would create such harmony in relationships. Imagine no pointing fingers and no blame. Moment of silence please. Exhale. Yes, that would be nice. 

Because I love mySelf, I am content being alone.  I already feel whole and complete—I don’t need my partner for that. The time I spend alone is as valuable to me as the time spent with the other.  I’m not dependent on my partner’s physical presence to feel connected.  Because of the relationship and connection we have recognized and consciously created, we *feel* each other through time and space and sometimes lifetimes. We realize that separation is an illusion—that time and/or distance apart has no bearing on our connection to each other. 

Under this system, I love who you are and I have no need to attempt to change you.  If we no longer resonate, we simply and joyfully go our separate ways. I have no need to try to control you or own you.  I trust that everything that happens is for my highest good (and just more fodder for future books lol) I respect and honor that you are a sovereign being as I am. You and I are both FREE to stay or go...there is no binding contract hand-cuffing us together for better or for worse.  All that keeps us together is pure love, interest, passion, peace, harmony.  This enlightened relationship eliminates manipulation, coercion, control, duty and victimhood.  All feel respected and empowered to make choices in their highest and best interest trusting the other to do the same. It’s a new frontier—a kinder, gentler more conscious approach to love, relationship and connection. 

I invite you to go deep and do the personal work necessary to create amazing, conscious, enlightened relationships.  A few things to remember:  1. You must be that which you seek. 2. The most important enlightened relationship you can have is with yourSelf. 3. It’s ALL worth it. 4. It's a work in progress.  I see it as an ever evolving journey, not a destination.  We are still human and we still may have 'stuff' come up—It's how we handle it that's different. 

I believe Kahlil Gibran sums my thoughts up  much more eloquently below:

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”

***My views on this a couple of years later continue to evolve, as do my desires and preferences.  Where as before, I was so bent on my freedom because it seemed to always be taken from me, having healed that, I do desire a committed, monogamous relationship with my beloved and find even more freedom inside of that.  It's all about your personal preferences, your ability to remain authentic to you and to communicate that ever evolving truth as your relationships progress.  

Summer Solstice Love

Summer Solstice Love

As a people and a nation we have become so far removed from ritual and ceremony. We are so out of touch with the rhythms of the seasons, the elements and the planet in general.

I love to tune in and acknowledge the Full and New Moon, Summer and Winter Solstice, Spring and Fall Equinox, etc and the special energies they carry— historically and currently, for my own life.  They mark the passage of time, and give meaning to my life. 

Our ancestors and ancient peoples did just that. They gave gratitude, appreciation, and honor for the life giving sustenance of the sun, for longer days and shorter nights, for blessing their crops and lighting their days. They gave honor and praise to the bounteous earth for its many gifts and blessings.

I like to do the same in my life.  It helps me to realize that I, too, am part of it, that I'm not separate, that I am one with all things.  Most of all for me, it makes my life magical and adds a touch of whimsy to all that I do. I like to feel in harmony with the energies that are present on the planet.  I have learned over time, to harness those energies and elements to create a life that I adore— to simply ‘go with the flow’. I feel a close kinship with trees, oceans and stars. I have great passion for our sun, moon and planet. I wander the world in awe and amazement at the breathtaking beauty of it all. The earth is my home and I am the earth.

Happy Summer Solstice, beloveds.  Do something to tune in and make it magical for YOU. Create an alter with flowers and spring water, go for a hike and acknowledge mother earth, do a few rounds of Sun Salutations and truly give heart-felt gratitude for our glorious Sun.  It’s really not silly...you know you wanna :)) Be in love with life, fall in love with the stars in the galaxy, give a tree a hug, be nice to your neighbor. Let in the LIGHT!!!  Shine on, Shine on!!!

To Thine Own Self Be True

Before I can talk to you about loving yourSelf, I feel I’d like to share what I’ve been doing that has caused me to do just the opposite; and that is to dim my Light, give mySelf up, suppress and deny my truth, and as a result, resent my partner falsely and then mySelf truthfully.  Allow me to explain.

One thing that I know for sure, is that the Universe will give me the EXACT lesson I need at the EXACT moment that I need it. And it isn’t always fun, but it is ALWAYS for my growth and benefit. For me, it seems that these lessons are to assist me with knowing what is TRULY important to me. It’s like some kind of refiner’s fire. The diamond in the rough, being chipped away year after year, decade after decade.  Only to shine-you-up to the most glorious, brilliant version of yourSelf that you have always dreamed yourSelf to be. And all it takes, is to be true to yourSelf. Sounds simple enough, right?  “To thine own Self be true”, some crazy half-wit poet said centuries ago. We’ve all heard that line, but do you know what came before it and after it?

Before “To thine own Self be true”, was this line: "THIS ABOVE ALL!!!" Like if you do NOTHING else!  Allow me to elaborate for my old friend Will,  ‘this above all’—above all other things, people, circumstances and or situations, “To thine OWN SELF BE TRUE”, for heaven’s sake!!! 

And why is that? Why must we be true to ourSelves, at all costs and ‘above all’?  Willie answers with his last, most brilliant line: (because) “Thou canst not then be false to ANY man.” Let me amercanize it for you, If you are true to yourSelf, at all times and in all ways, you must not only speak your truth but BE your truth. If you are speaking, acting and BEING your truth, you cannot be fake, inauthentic or ‘false’ to anyone, man, woman, child, situation or circumstance in your life. Not so easy now, huh?  

And why is it so important NOT to be ‘false’ to anyone? First for the obvious reasons—it's not cool to be a fraud.  Second, and less apparent, because it hurts YOUR Soul. Not in the way that it’s a betrayal and you are a bad person—but in a compromises-your-truth-eats-a-whole-in-your-heart-and-you-hate-yourSelf kind of way. That’s all. Because when you live even a smidge less than your total truth or dim your light just a tad, before you know it, you are cutting off your right arm and the light goes out completely!! 

Why do we do it? Or let me stick to what I know—mySelf.  Why do I do it? I do it for a myriad of reasons.  I dim my Light because I think people will like me more if I don’t appear quite as fabulous and brilliant as I really am. I pretend that my core beliefs aren’t as important to me as they are for fear of abandonment.  For example, “If I tell my you who I really am, your beliefs may be different, or diametrically opposed, and you may judge me and no longer want to be my friend, partner or lover. If I tell you how I really feel about love and compromise, it may scare you and you will want to run away before your perceived, inevitable heart-break ensues. I don’t tell everyone that I believe I am the Sun’s beloved and that He is mine because you will think I am a nut job. And all the wise things I’ve shared in the past will become empty and meaningless to you now because you think I’m whacked. Those are just a few reasons that I don’t always shine as bright with certain people—I’m scared.  I love you and I want you to love me back. What are some of your reasons? 

If you feel you have to be less than exactly who you are with ANYBODY because you don’t think they will love you otherwise; that whoever they are is worth the compromise—THAT is the biggest lie and the greatest infidelity.*  The infidelity to the Self.  To thine OWN Self be true, remember?  Not to someone else’s truth—YOURS!!!  The minute I decide your beliefs, feelings and rules are more important/valid than my own or the minute I decide to cut out a chunk of my heart because I think you may love me more if I am a way other than I really am—that is the beginning of the infidelity.

Budddha said, “There is no one else in the world more deserving of your love than YOU!!”  And if I put your truth above my own, it will not be long before I start resenting you and want to leave.  

And if I do that for you, I am certainly not loving mySelf or owning the truth of ME.  I am being a fraction of mySelf—the piece I think you will deem acceptable, appropriate and lovable. I am being inauthentic, living a lie and deep down you know it.  But you remain silent, pretending to believe because part of you thinks you have won.

If I am untrue to my own core truth, if I agree to live less than I truley am, so you can feel secure, and I can feel safe that you won’t leave me, at some point it will become too crushing to my soul to stifle that much of mySelf. And what started as something beautiful will soon be over.  

This is how it often goes—we meet someone, we share our brightest Light, we share our heart, our truth and ideals.  We fall in love with all of that yumminess. Then fear of loss sets in, conditions arise and the parameters and rules are carefully put in place. You are now not allowed to be as big, bright and beautiful with anybody else. The compromise begins.  You start to suffocate.  The death of the relationship (DTR) may begin at the very moment we try to Define The Relationship (DTR)—coincidence? I don’t think so). 

To tell this story more accurately and accountably, the person I am really resenting is MYSELF because I willingly agreed to give mySelf up. I agreed to things that were not my truth but yours. I agreed to play by your rules, because of my fear of losing you and my lack of love for mySelf. Now I am hating mySelf for the inauthenticity of the new self that I agreed to be. I am entirely to blame for this. There was no coercion—just a perceived loss on my part.  

The real loss for both of us, is that I pretty much shut down. I can barely speak, because, this new ‘false’ Self has no idea who she is. I am missing out on my own potential growth that comes from sharing with another who has different views and opinions, and you are missing out on the magnificence of me in my truth. It sucks all the way around.  

So is it possible for two Souls with very differing views of the world and "relating" to have an amazing relationship?  My answer is a resounding YES!!  How? The answer is simple, “This above all: to thine own Self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.” Get clear about who you are, what is most important to you and be THAT!!. Realize that YOU are the love of your life.  Without that, you got nothin’! If you don’t love you, you do not love the other.  If you can’t be true to you, you won’t be true to anyone else. The first love affair we ever have should be with ourSelves.

So fall in love with yourSelf, every quirky inch! Value your hard earned philosophies, opinions and heart-felt ideas, but don’t be rigidly attached to them. Be open to listen and really hear. Give Billy Joel a run for his money singing, “Don’t go changing to try and please me, I love you just the way you are...” to your partner every morning.  Seek to understand the other with no expectation or need for ‘change.‘ Take to heart what the great philosopher Nietzsche said, “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”

Your way is not the ONLY way!  Lose the thought: my way or the highway. Adopt the heart of compassion and understanding.  Practice patience and tolerance. Keep asking the question, “What does it really mean to love UNconditionally?” How can you do it better? Accept, don’t judge, forgive, be true, be free, and laugh, play, and dance through your amazing love story. The love of you life is yourSelf—don't waste another second not being passionately and devotedly true to YOU!  

Thanks for the inspiration WIlliam Shakespeare,Terri Plewa & Shiva Ji.

*Credit Terri Plewa’s poem to be added soon

Wild Horse

Wild Horse

by Laurie Frazier

I have too much music in my Soul for just one beat.

I have too much faith in my Being for just one religion.

I have too much love in my Heart for just one soul.

I was born with too much Wanderlust to stay in just one place.

My being is all encompassing....

I am the Ocean.

I am the Sun.

I am a Galaxy in and of mySelf.

I am the wind in the storm,

 the breathtaking view from the Summit,

 and I will ALWAYS be the Wild Horse you cannot tame.

I am Wisdom.

I am Peace.

I am Wild

And I am FREE.