The Longest Night—Winter Solstice Significance

DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL

“Darkness has its teachings….”  is a line from Trevor Hall song. Darkness contains some of our most profound lessons. 

Light is not born from light—but out of darkness. When we are born, we come out of a dark womb. Jesus was born in a manger, other savior-types were born in caves. We all come from darkness into the Light. 

It is at the coldest, darkest point in the year, that the Light is celebrated on the Winter Solstice. Not because the Sun is at its strongest or brightest then, but because of the promise—the promise of light and warmth to come. The Winter Solstice marks the shortest day and the longest night, in other words, the longest period of darkness in a 24-hr period in the entire year. It’s a passage from darkness into Light; a portal of sorts.  Like after a dark night of the Soul, when you barely reach the other side, with skinned knees, broken heart, and beat-the-fuck-up. But you know, you just know, you will be ok—you will survive this, too. The point when you realize that there is finally light at the end of the long, dark tunnel. It is a glorious moment. 

There is something here that is more palpable, than when you are at the pinnacle of all your glory and have reached the goal and are now basking in the light of your hard-won accomplishments. There is something about this moment, something magical when you pass the darkest threshold. You feel like you can finally stop holding your breath, you are flooded with gratitude like your life will go on—it’s a rising-from-the-ashes-phoenix-kind-of-moment. That’s where the celebration begins. You got to the other side! You braved the solitary journey that only you could make. You emerge from the depths and there is your Divine Team of Light cheering you on. This is the vibe of the Winter Solstice. It’s a victory kind of moment. “You made it!!” You have emerged from the darkness. 

It’s as if in that darkest point, you went through a death of sorts. Whether it was a battle with addiction, the end of a toxic relationship, a personal battle fought within, or a huge loss/setback of sorts. It’s part of a cycle dedicated to death, dying and a stripping away of lingering attachments that are no longer aligned with your Highest Self. It’s a process of whittling down external and material things, that are no longer authentic for you. And often, it’s that which will give you the greatest lessons to lose, whether that is your health, a loved one, a career, a home, wealth, etc.that show-up. I think sometimes the things/people we identify with most, get stripped away to show us that we are not that. We get to realize that we are not those things we so desperately attempt to identify with.  We are not our coveted careers, our prized relationships, our precious possessions, our most brilliant ideas and thoughts, or even our life’s work. Those things do not define us.  

You died to something in this dark space, and you birthed a new Self in the process. And the Universe cheers your hero’s journey. And it is out of this darkness, pain, agony, and heartbreak that the Light is born within. For without darkness, we could not know and appreciate the Light. That’s why this moment is so miraculous. Some don’t make it to the other side. Some die. Some fear death so they don’t even attempt the journey. Many are paralyzed with fear, afraid of the dark, especially their own darkness and what may be lurking in the shadows.  

But not you. You are brave and courageous. You were born to do this!! You chose the evolutionary path. You wanted to learn as much as you could in this lifetime—just in case you don’t get another one! You, brave warriors, ‘chose in’ to every bit of it. You may not remember that, but allow me to remind you-you did. You are having the exact experience that you came to this particular planet to learn. Yay, you!!! Yay for all of your many challenges and perceived struggles. How much have you learned there in the dark? I venture to guess it was a lot more, not to mention more meaningful and significant, then anything you have ever learned in the Light. 

Would you trade it? Would you choose easier? Never. You would not be the you that you are now. We need look no further than to butterflies and chicks. Huh? If you help them get out of their own cocoon or shell, they will not survive. The must do it themSelves. If makes them strong and ready for their next incarnation/re-birth. Evidently, it’s part of our human journey, as well. “Into every life, a lil rain must fall.” It shows us who we are, what we are made of, and how we’d like to show up differently next time. 

When you shift your perception from life is happening to you to that of life is happening for you and that you are actually a request for all that shows up, then you have real power. Contrastingly, when you believe that life is happening to you, that there is nothing you can do about it, and that you are at effect,  it’s as if you envision yourself a tiny sailboat being tossed to and fro on the big-bad ocean. All these waves (problems, people,& challenges) are coming at you and you can’t even take the helm. You are a helpless (and often a hopeless) victim. Life is happening to you and you are at its mercy. 

When you understand that you are accountable for everything that comes into your space, then you have a beginning point. A launch pad for your life! What if there really were no one to blame for anything? What if you knew that your soul was actually a request for every challenge that has come into your life? It’s the good news and the bad news. Bad news like fuuuuuuuuh!!! I created all this?!? Yes, you did, on some level.^⁠1 

Good news, in that, you are not a victim!! Congratulations!! If you unconsciously created all the chaos and crap in your life, imagine what you could do with some conscious intention directed to your thoughts, actions, and emotions. What would you choose to create if you knew you were the master of your destiny? How will you enlist all the powers and forces available to you to do so? How will you show up as the powerful-creator you have always known/wished yourSelf to be in the world? What would that even look like for you? Who would you be if you took charge and were just accountable for all of it? It’s a place of power and empowerment. 

News flash!!  This is where your life actually gets really fun and you can start playing with some really cool ideas, concepts, energies, quantum physics, astrology, etc. Many of which we will discuss in this book. But for now, start thinking about what you would like your life to look like and what has been in your way? The way I see it, the only thing that is ever in the way of my success, is me. So start thinking about all of the excuses you have for your own mediocrity…those reasons you have told others and even bought into yourself about your parents, your childhood, your ex, job situation, etc. Write them down. How do they make you feel? 

They are not the truth. And none of them are reasons that you can’t create and have your best life. 

So align with the energy of the Winter Solstice to think about what you’d like to birth. It’s a time of germination, of reflection and resolution. It’s a time to dream and to plant seeds. You have come through a lot, you’ve let go of, or been stripped of much. How will you recreate yourSelf and emerge from the cave?  What seeds of authenticity do you want to plant and nurture? How can you become more YOU? As you envision and conjure a more authentic life for yourSelf, what does that look like? What does it feel like? 

In a brilliant poem by David Whyte, he declares, “Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet confinement of your aloneness to learn anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you.”

Here’s to letting go of all that is just too small for you, and to dreaming, envisioning and conjuring your biggest, brightest, most authentic Self. It’s a journey you want to take and a path worth following—your journey, your path, your life. 

Spiritual Significance of the Fall Equinox

Spiritual Significance of the Fall Equinox

https://youtu.be/DRgD0MUSq-w
https://youtu.be/DRgD0MUSq-w

Eid Al Adha and Trusting the Voice of Your HigherSelf, Like Abraham

Eid Al Adha and Trusting the Voice of Your HigherSelf, Like Abraham

I have always LOVED learning about the traditions of other cultures and religions. For me, it helps me to see how we are all ONE. I have this belief, that if I can show the world what is important to different religions and cultures through their holy days, celebrations, and traditions that they will see that we are more the same than we are different. I often find that there is a reason the tradition is still around and that there is something beautiful to be learned if one digs a little deeper.  Such was the case with Eid Al Adha. 

I encountered this Muslim holy-day, just by accident. I learned that it commemorates the willingness of Abraham to sacrifice his son to God. It is called the Feast of Sacrifice.  As you know in the Bible story, God commanded Abraham to offer his only son, Isaac, as a sacrifice. After Isaac is bound to an alter, and Abraham is about to slay him, a messenger of God stops Abraham at the last minute, saying, ”… don’t harm the boy. Now I know that you fear God because you have not withheld from me your only son.”  The point was that he was willing to obey the voice of his god.  I always like to turn these stories around as to what they may mean for me, and if there is something here for you, too, well—bonus!! 

Let’s break it down. Abraham represents us—you and me. God, for me, in this story, represents my HigherSelf. My HigherSelf represents the eternal/god-like aspect of mySelf. My HigherSelf represents my truth, my heart and my essence. My HigherSelf is all about the evolution of my soul and if it is not Source, it is my direct connection to Source. (Insert your own beliefs here.) 

After decades of personal reflection and tuning in, I know the voice of my HigherSelf well, as Abraham knew his Lords’.  I can distinguish between it and the voice of my ego. Isaac represents all that we hold dear—whatever it is that you value above all else. For some it may be your wealth and career, for others, your relationships, and/or your things. For Abraham, it was Isaac. 

I believe there is a Universal lesson/test to be learned and overcome/conquered in this beautiful story. I fully understand why it is celebrated, for I celebrate the conquering of this lesson within mySelf,  for it is no small accomplishment. 

Let me tell you what it’s like to pass this test. For me, it’s been just like it was for Abraham with countless blessings that continue to unfold as a result. When Abraham passed the test, all of a sudden, he found a ram stuck in a thicket that provided him with his sacrifice and burnt offering. So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. When he did that, the angel showed up again speaking for the Lord and said, “… because you have done this and have not withheld your only son, I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky… because you have obeyed me." When I listen to that voice, I never cease to be blessed and am always provided for when I do.

In my life, there were times where I felt that everything I held dear was being taken from me and I was not a willing participant. It was devastating and completely crushing to me at the time. I fought it with all my might, felt victimized, done wrong and was full of anger, rage, grief and sorrow. Nothing seems to work out in that space and the journey feels all uphill and frought with angst.

As I have grown and become more aware, I’ve learned to willing surrender and give up everything I have, know and love, to answer the call of my HigherSelf. That willingness has allowed me to pass this universal test of Abraham over and over. It has made my life much more effortless and I am always blessed beyond measure when I stay true to the voice of my Soul. 

Two of my more recent examples of heeding that call and sacrificing all, were for love and another was to be a humanitarian. Both situations I felt were the highest  and best thing I could imagine to do with my existence, at the time. I felt completely compelled by my HigherSelf. Both times I was in ecstatic places in my life. First was at the Enchanted Cottage, doing the Moon Show, youth group, and teaching, coaching  and speaking all over the place. Life was sooo good. I thought if I ever left that cottage, it would be kicking and screaming when I was dead. That place was like my Soul-mate. I was extremely attached and I knew it. When I was presented the opportunity to move to Detroit to be with a man I loved, which would require giving all of that up, I knew I would have to be super clear about it. When I  had clarity, and knew that it was the right choice for me, there was no doubt about my answer. I said yes, willingly and joyfully with no looking back. Unequivocally—just like Abraham did. (If you are having a hard time with me comparing myself to Abraham, get over it, please. It’s a metaphor…and—I’ve had to give up my children at times too, not just a home and career).

The second time, I’d spent a winter in ice-olation , on Solitude Mountain, and I could not have been more in love with that place, or my time there, when I felt called to leave it all once again to be of service in the world. When I agreed, immediately, an opportunity arose to go help build a school in Romania and another opportunity in Nepal. I willingly went overseas and gave it all away— again. Funny. I didn’t spend more than one month in either place, before I got the message it was time to go home. The second time, the message was to go home and write my book. I didn’t listen, and got to experience near death. I’m working on that book, now :)

Abraham had no doubt the voice he heard was that of his HigherSelf. As a result, he did not question or hesitate. He knew what I knew. When you feel the voice of your spirit calling you to do something and you feel no doubt about it, know this: It doesn’t always mean that it is leading you to some blissful experience or even the Promised Land. That thing you feel called to do, may be leading you to a devastating, life-altering, or heart-wrenching experience. But guess what? It is always leading you to an evolutionary experience and that is why you are here: To grow your soul, stretch beyond your current capacity and experience the full range of humanity. So like Abraham, I willingly submit with a ‘sign me up!!’ 

There were people in my life that felt I shouldn’t be going to Detroit or to Romania. I knew exactly what they knew, and that was that it may not go according to plan. What I knew that they didn’t, was, that whatever happened, was EXACTLY what my Soul needed to grow. I was at peace with that—whatever the outcome. 

All I needed was the clarity from my HigherSelf that I was on purpose and that my heart and HighestSelf were leading my choices not my logic or ego. Just the act of giving up everything I knew and loved— from people I adored, to a career that I was in love with, to places that lit my soul on fire, was in and of itself, an amazing feat that most humans would find difficult.

I wanted to know myself as a human that was not trapped by my attachment to people, places and things. I  left it all willingly, it wasn’t taken from me. There is a big difference between learning to be ok with what is, once it's been taken, and willingly giving up what you love and are attached to. I joyfully submitted to the flow of my life. I knew without any doubt, I was exactly where I needed to be.

Do you understand the courage it takes to do such a thing? Can you even comprehend the kind of confidence and character those choices might forge within you? Do you know what it’s like to trust yourSelf and that Higher Voice within you so much, that you would step into the unknown, knowing full well it may lead you to your demise or ultimate death? I do. It is nothing you will ever know, until you experience it for yourSelf. It’s priceless. 

Learning the law of detachment and how to let go of all that is precious to me has been a theme in my life. Detachment has been such a great teacher for me. It’s taught me to give up the need  I may have had to control any outcome and to trust what is organically unfolding.

Through detachment I’ve learned the impermanence of all things and that it’s because everything is so temporary and potentially short-lived that it’s all so beautiful. That alone has deepened my sense of gratitude, such that it has become a way of being for me. I know one of the reasons the things I loved became so easy for me to let go of, was because I appreciated them so much every day and never took them for granted. 

There was rarely a deer that entered my yard, that I didn’t stop for a moment to acknowledge, feed, or commune with. Rarely a client session or class I finished, that I wasn’t grateful for the opportunity to do what I do and have it bring me such joy. Nobody important in my life that I hadn’t expressed how big for them was my love. Because of the depth of appreciation, I felt no regrets.

I am grateful for all of the experiences, circumstances and events of my life—the heart-breaking to the blissful, the near-death to vitality, the scarcity to the abundance. I know that it will all pass. I am so clear that it is all for my benefit and can recognize it as such in the very moment, not just in hind-sight.

What I have learned is total trust. Trust in mySelf, to recognize the voice of Spirit and what’s up next for me. Trust and courage to follow through with what I hear and know. Trust and knowing that all is working out in my favor for the evolution of my Soul. Knowing that an army of the unseen is cheering me on for the brave earth warrior I have become.

So Eid Al Adha...I will celebrate you, along with my Muslim sisters and brothers. I will celebrate my own willingness, like Abrahams’, to give up all that is dear to me, for my Soul’s journey and evolution. I will celebrate, that because of the attunement and obedience I have cultivated to the voice of my HigherSelf (or whatever it is to you want to call it), and because of the positive outcome of heeding that call over and over,— I have total trust that all is unfolding perfectly in my life. Knowing this, there is little to fear and only beauty and presence left to experience through this lens. 

If the Great All that is, is for me, who can be against me? There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, the eye cannot say to the ear, I have no need for you, like joy can not say to pain, I need you not. We all need each other, we are all just walking each other home. We all have things we value, and those things come and they go for all of us. Only by knowing pain and losing what’s dear,  do we know what’s dear and appreciate joy. The same thing that gives us joy, will inevitably be the source of our pain. It is all as intricately intertwined, as we are as the human race. Christian, Muslim, Jew…black, white, yellow….American, Russian, Korean…first-world, third-world…we are all one humanity, all citizens of Planet Earth.

I bow to my fellow humans, may we continue to raise the collective consciousness, by seeking first to understand that we are more alike than we are different. May we celebrate our differences, choose love over hate, peace over power and unity over separation. I see you. Through my lens of oneness, you are all a beautiful marvel. Eid Mubarak!

 "May Allah/God/Source/Universe/HigherSelf flood your life with happiness on this occasion, your heart with love, your soul with spirituality, your mind with wisdom, wishing you a very Happy Eid.”

~Muslim greeting on Eid Al Adha

8 Tips to Forever Young

Some Words of Wisdom Approaching My 52nd Birthday...

Something interesting happens inside of mySelf every year 2-3 weeks before my birthday. I get super excited with anticipation, like a kid awaiting Santa Claus on Christmas Eve. I start feeling even more energetic, more beautiful, and more bad-ass. Truly though. It’s like I don the Wonder-Woman cape and sassy pants and cannot be stifled, hushed or dimmed. In true Aries fashion, let’s just say, I get a lil full of my cute-lil-Self. I start taking more selfies, being flirty, wearing cute clothes and let’s not forget that very confident attitude—oh wait, I do that shit all year. Anyway you get the idea. 

Call me crazy, but I have always been happy and excited to get another year on this planet under my belt! I signed up for the evolutionary fast-track in this life so there never seems to be a year without epic challenges or events. This past year I spent a good bit of my time in Solitude mostly snowed in for the 10 months that I was there. Then I left indefinitely to do humanitarian work by myself on the other side of the world in Romania, was planning to stop in India, do a lil yoga and sight-seeing, then off to Nepal for more humanitarian work with no return date. While in Romania, I got several messages (inner-voice/higher-Self/aka God) to return home, work on my book and do what only I can do. My stubborn Soul refused to listen and went off to India where I contracted Dengue Fever by a freaking lil mosquito (a.k.a. the gods) and was literally dying and HAD to return home! It has seriously taken me a good 6 months to fully recover. Anyway, enough of all that drama, it’s a new year approaching for me and I’m excited. 

I’ll be fifty-two!! Yuh, you read that right. What woman is excited to be 52?? I AM!! For some reason, I always feel like my life is just beginning. While most people tend to see their lives as starting to walk down the mountain at this fifty-year midpoint, I feel like I’m just about to hit the peak and stay there for the next 2-3 decades before I start that decent—if I ever do. 

So what are some of my secrets to looking and feeling at least 10-20 years younger? Wouldn’t you like to know. I freely share, you can start now and it will help. However, the things I’m going to share, I’ve been doing for DECADES…so I got a good jump on most of you…just sayin. It’s never to late to grow young!! 

Here they are in no particular order:

1. Drink lots of water!!  Drink good water. Drink the best water you can afford. (I like Water & Wellness PH balanced water about $10 per 5 gallon.) Drink more water than you drink any other beverage. And never drink fucking soda pop!! WTF don’t you know that shit is POISON?!?!?! Have never had more than a splash here and there for my ENTIRE life!!

2. Eat good, clean, healthy and organic food!!! Eat lots of veggies and some fruit!!! Avoid bread, flour, sugar,    pork and artificial everything. Eat grass-fed, organic meat, if you eat meat. Do your research and never stop trying to figure out what makes your body happy. 

3. Meditate & do some fucking yoga already…yes, it is for EVERYONE!! “Gee, I wish I hadn’t meditated or done yoga today!”, SAID NOBODY EVER!! I’m not even going to comment more. Do your own damn research. There are more benefits than all the fucking pills you pop for every bullshit disorder you have that you wouldn’t even have if you did these two things semi-regularly!! For fuck’s sake!! 

4. Take in some nature! Don’t miss the show happening all around you no matter where you live!! Nature is happening and it can teach you a lot about life and about yourself if you have eyes to see and ears to hear. Nature heals whatever ails you from a broken heart to life-threatening diseases. 

5. FORGIVE already. Stop carrying your stupid grudges. Nobody cares about your victim story because we are never victims!! Life is showing up for you, only ALWAYS. Your Soul is a request for whatever comes your way. Get over yourself. Forgive your shitty parents, they were doing their best. Forgive your ex—you were no gem either! And guess what?!? It’s all in the PAST!!! Even if it happened yesterday. It doesn’t even exist anymore. YOU are the only one carrying ‘it’ around. It’s time you let ‘it’ go before ‘it’ kills you because I can tell you, it is having a deep effect on you and has already shortened your life. 

6. Accept & Allow all that comes your way. Say yes to life. Say yes to whatever makes your heart smile. Allow yourself to love whatever it is that you love, (as long as it’s not creepy). Just be okay with whatever happens in your life, make the best of it and move the fuck on. Don’t get stuck. Don’t get stuck in the pain, your story, the heartache, the bull-shit, the success, the money or lack thereof, but feel it all. Keep moving with grace and gratitude. All is as it should be. Trust in that. 

7. Create your own spiritual practice with something you feel truly connected to and that resonates deep within you. Feel free to explore different traditions, religions, and cultures. Nothing is taboo. Just because you love Jesus, doesn’t mean you can’t love and learn something from Buddha, too. Jesus won’t be mad, I promise! And for the sake of hell, don’t be a Mormon, Catholic, or whatever just because your freaking parents are!! That is NOT a good enough reason!! If it doesn’t resonate with you, have the balls to do something different!! You will not go to hell for having your own thoughts and opinions, but you will live hell on Earth when you adopt everyone else’s thoughts, opinions and beliefs that do nothing for your own heart. 

Doing the opposite of all the above will make you old, send you to your grave early and make you unattractive!

And finally #8  Drum-roll, please!!!!

8. Life is fucking magical!! Never forget that! The Universe exists to surprise you. It is always beckoning you with every ray of sparkling sunshine to come into the Light and play!! With every bloom of Spring, it shares it’s vitality. When you are open, self-aware, brave and courageous, this beautiful planet will show you ‘six impossible things before breakfast’!! #ForThoseWhoHaveEyesToSeeAndEarsToHear #ThroughTheLookingGlass

Life is too short to feel old!! You know the old adage, ‘you are only as young as you feel’? Spoiler Alert: You choose your feelings! Take your cues from nature and Spring forth into life, stop refusing your own flowering and start fucking blooming some shit! Stop being stingy with your gifts, another reason you feel old—all that talent bottled up inside. Share and shine, peeps. It’s a new day. 

And in the words of Bob Dylan, “May your heart always be joyful

May your song always be sung

And may you stay

Forever young.”

  Much love and vitality on your journey, friends <3 3="" font="">

A Self-Possesed Woman-How to Be One, Have One and Keep One Around. Listen Up Men.

Any self-possessed woman is going to have spent a good amount of time alone in her life, for that is how she becomes,”self-possessed”. And what exactly does the term, ’Self-possessed (woman)’ mean? It means that she belongs to no man, no religion, no dogma, no geographical location nor a political party. It means that she has spent quality time in her life getting to know and understand herSelf. She knows who she is. She knows who she is because she has lived consciously. At some point, she has recapitulated the times in her life that she may have lived unconsciously, and understands that now, and is unwilling to do so again— at any cost.  She has lived and experienced life in a variety of forms, and she knows what works for her and what doesn’t. She knows where she has compromised and she knows the damage that compromise has had on her very Soul. 

A Self-possessed woman cannot be owned, possessed or treated like an acquisition. She can smell, hear, see and sense that coming from literally miles away. Why? Because she has done that before. She has been bought and sold, compromised her truth and dreams for a younger girls fantasies and fears. Most self-possessed women take several decades to ‘grow’. But once she’s clear, she is a force. She can hold her own. She is S-O-L-I-D. She is solid in her beliefs and she knows what she values. She is no longer enticed with promises or dangling carrots of security, comfort, and luxury. She knows how to make her way in the world and that her freedom is the most coveted thing that she can possess….high above fancy homes and BMW’s.

This woman has unshakable confidence, and because of it, can be quite intimidating and unnerving to most men. It is not the kind of cocky confidence she may have had in her 20’s based on her body, appearance or pedigree. This confidence comes from deep within. It has roots like a tall and beautiful oak tree. It is a self-assuredness that no longer needs to size up the competition or look around and see how she ‘measures up’. She has no concern for such foibles of youth. It matters not to her what other women are doing or how they are living and behaving. She is clear about herSelf, what she values and what her requirements in life are.

In order to have one of these rare women in your midst, you must also be a rare and self-possessed man. Know that this woman does not want to own you, limit your freedom nor does she want to restrict or constrict your life in any way. She does not want to be the ‘boss of you’ that was your mother's role, and/or your ex’s. She desires your unwavering devotion. She doesn’t want to ‘run the show’ or ‘tell you what to do’. She desires a man that respects her intellect, trusts her intuition and seeks her counsel. She does not expect you to follow it blindly, but to weigh her thoughts, ideas, and opinions along with your own and then for you to make wise and authentic choices. If you always do what she says, or change your opinion too easily to match hers, she will not be able to trust or rely on your strength and knowledge. 

If this woman has chosen to be in your space, it’s because she deems you a worthy companion and life partner. An equal. This woman realizes that there will be some areas where you know more than she does, she counts on you for that. She also trusts that when you are in doubt, you will consult her. She doesn’t want (or need) the final say. You will know when it’s right to give it to her, but not from a space of insecurity. 

A self-possessed woman also comes with strength of character. She has probably made choices in the past that she would not make again. These past choices most likely came from a place of fear, lack of power, insecurity, and rebellion. Being self-possessed, she has now acquired these things (confidence, internal power, security) and has no need to make rash or impulsive choices. She weighs the consequences of her actions and as a result is trustworthy. She employs both head and heart when making important decisions and weighs the consequences of her actions on all involved. She does not need to be babysat. She does not need to be told what she should do. If she wants your opinion/advice/counsel she is not above asking you and will not have a problem doing so.

This woman requires freedom and space. She is an autonomous creature. Try to pin her down, define her or your relationship with her too quickly, and she will be on her way out before you do it again. Don’t try to consume her time, plan into a far-distant future or get pouty when she says she needs some alone time. Understand, it’s not about you and it most likely never will be. You own you…and let her own her. She will find you much more attractive that way and may just want to be around you more often—which was your goal in the first place. Tell her you're interested and back the fuck up. 

~just some ramblings from a self-possessed woman on a summer night that wanted to come out into the light now that the coast is clear ;)

Be Your Own Damn Guru

Be Your Own Damn Guru 

Funny enough I’m writing this on the US Independence Day…a day synonymous with freedom. Freedom has always been one of my highest values in life. I seem to keep putting myself in situations where I experience the exact opposite just to once again realize how very important it is to me, and hopefully to you as well. How else could I be the Maven of Moksha? (Moksha means freedom, btw) 

So I didn’t come on this journey or to this ashram to find myself, discover inner peace & happiness or seeking the answers to any of life’s big questions like most people do. I’ve done all that in my past 36 years of endless seeking, study & practice. I came to this ashram to immerse myself in the culture as a life experience, first of all. I also came for the regimen of yoga, meditation, and believe it or not, the healthy vegetarian food. I also enjoy kirtan and chanting and have that music playing wherever I am most mornings and often throughout the day. I just wanted to immerse myself in “real ashram” culture along with many others I intend to explore.  

I have incorporated, adapted and integrated many aspects of the yogic lifestyle into my own for decades. In my OWN way. In a very personal way, that after all of my PREVIOUS seeking, I have put into practice, modified and adjusted to suit MY Soul. 

From the beginning, the extremely regimented schedule that begins at 5:20 am and concludes at 10pm, with attendance taken at each satsang, meditation, prayers, yoga and lectures felt quite extreme to me. Along with having to get in essence a ‘hall pass’, just to walk down the road for chai. On this schedule there is barely enough time to write a few notes to Self, let alone a full blown blog, or have a real conversation with someone from your homeland. Or even time to think and assimilate this new lifestyle you may have voluntarily put yourself into, unbeknownst all the rules.

Since one of my Jedi Spirit Hacks is arriving at no thought in about 30-90 seconds, I’ve often used some of my meditation time to contemplate and ponder various things, from what fascinating place I want to visit next, my last smoking rendezvous, wondering what spices were in the tasty curry tonight, and how I would have taught the last lecture differently. I think about how I would improve this place, if I were running it lol. I’d definitely shake it up a bit, (Osho would be proud). I often wonder how the director of this place, who I find to be a very intelligent and spiritual man and an excellent yoga teacher, can do this same schedule day after day, after month after year! How?!?

Tonight was about the last straw for me. It was movie night. I had forgotten and was kind of excited when it was announced. The movie (if it can be called that) was on the founder of this ashram called Swami Shiva-Something-or-other. I thought, cool I’m finally going to see what this guy is all about!  Apparently the entire staff of devotees, didn't share my same enthusiasm because when they heard what I heard, everyone one of them got up with their things and walked straight out!!  After the first 2 minutes I understood why. 

Wanting to give it a chance, I stayed for about 12 more. I rarely walk out on the worst of movies because I’m an eternal optimist and my rose-colored imagination thinks at some point something super redeeming is bound to happen. I was already clear that would not be the case tonight. 

I knew it was going to be pretty pathetic when the entire intro was nothing but this Swami having his picture taken, half naked with his belly and boobs exposed and in a big overcoat for the rest of the endless pics. It showed him in various places being photographed ad-nauseam. The last portion was filled with mindless followers pandering and offering prostrations to this man, accounting for about 90% of film, as if this were to somehow validate him and make up for his extremely remedial and often misguided teachings. This is when I walked out, went to my dorm, got a bottle, walked down to the same area to get some clean drinking water where I could  see more of the same guru worship on the big screen.

The other 10% (which is truly a stretch) was about 5-8 minutes of the most remedial spirituality I have heard and seen since kindergarten of (insert your religion of choice) studies/brainwashing. The film extolled  “HIS PHILOSOPHY” in horrible graphics, in these basic words: Serve. Love, Give, Purify, Meditation, Realise.

One of the things that made me chuckle was seeing them shoot video of Swami X giving out what I’m sure were nothing more than pennies/rupees, after just having taught to give selflessly, humbly and in secret. Oops!!

After one of the words encompassing his profound philosophy is flashed on the screen, (not sure if it was Give or Serve), a clip is shown of Swami X in which he appears to be wearing  sumo-wrestler-like-garb (aka robe wrapped up like a diaper) and barefoot, gathering water in two pails, from a river and then hacking at the dirt with some hoe/rake-like tool. Obviously attempting to show that the Swami actually did manual labor as opposed to just being pandered to, though his large size begs to question the truthfulness of that fact. It was a 100%  staged Hollywood scene. In a similar contradictory scene, he is shown with his feet on top of a man kneeled on hands and feet. 

Looking back on what the film portrayed, it never showed him doing yoga, he certainly didn’t look like a yogi, nor did it even show him meditating, though his teachings said it was the ONLY way to God realization, the ONLY way to inner peace and happiness. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been around the ‘spiritual block’ a time or two or three, and when somebody tells me their way is the ONLY way or the ONLY truth, I head in the opposite direction. 

If you have really done your homework, you will find that there are as many ways to God/The All/Source/Universe, or simply your Higher Self as there are people. I will save my prostrations for the Sun, the greatest life-giving force in the galaxy, other celestial bodies, my deities/angels/ancestors of choice, and most importantly my own Higher Self. 

I am an eternal being on an expansive, evolutionary journey. Know ThySelf, Love ThySelf, Thou Art God. The day of the guru is on its way out. It’s fine to have people to look up to and find teachers that resonate with you, you can learn much from others, from spiritual texts like the Bhagavad Gita, Bible, Rig Veda, Kabbalah, Zohar and many others. As you seek, certain philosophies you encounter will feel good to your Soul…keep those until they don’t. Don’t get too attached to your own dogma. Hold it lightly. It is not who you are, nor is it the truth of you. You are not your beliefs. 

You are on an evolutionary path—it is not meant to be static. To paraphrase a quote from the Bible, ‘When you are a baby, you drink milk, when you are old/more mature in your understanding, new and greater truths (solid foods) will be revealed to you. If you are so attached and egoically identified with being this or that religion or belonging to this ashram or that particular sect, you may dismiss something that could change your life and move you forward in your own evolution. When you understand, that you are not your religion, or even hard-earned beliefs, you can easily put the old teaching down to embrace the new. Just like graduating from kindergarten or out-growing your clothes when your young. You don't say that kindergarten was stupid, or that it was the wrong clothes…they were perfect in that moment—and you’re here now. Open your eyes. Learn to trust yourself and your own-heart. Don’t ever put your spiritual evolution in somebody else’s hands, not the priest, rabbi, swami, bishop or even your own parents. Train your ears to listen and your eyes to see. Meditation is good for that…but so is a walk in nature, spending time alone and in silence, dropping judgement and labels and being true to yourSelf. It is your life, it is your Soul. Follow your heart, it knows the way.

Peace In. 

**I want to state that I am sure all ashrams are quite different, and while I’m not a fan of the regimented schedule or some of the less than profound philosophy, I haven’t spent much time researching any more of this Swami’s teachings. I’m sure he has some good things to share…but so do you & I. And I’m sorry, but for the entire staff to walk out before the movie began, was sooo telling. If The Secret were playing, they’d have no problem watching it over and over…just saying.  

I also have no doubt that for people with a lot of questions, stress, hectic lives, and hectic minds get a lot out of this type of routine, call it a re-set of sorts. It’s also great for someone, that wants to eat healthier and get used to how to eat for a vegetarian. One thing I’d do if I were running the place is have a cook book of all the different food they make here because it’s pretty good. 

Funny, it’s a 2-week program, starting on the 1st and ending the 15th. I’m a finisher, a completer, though for some reason I only paid through the 6th, although I got the rupees to pay for it all—inner-knowing, I bow to you! 

Needless to say, It’s waaaaay past my curfew now, just after 1 am, I won’t be going to Satsang at 6 am to bow to Swami-Something-Or-Other. And—I’m sure you’ll be shocked to know, I snuck off to swim in the crocodile infested lake with about six other female rebels earlier today…sporting a nice tan and feeling more like mySelf, ha! I think I’ll roll out of bed for yoga at 8am!! My days are numbered here. Woot-Woot

Don't Refuse Your Own Flowering—Say Yes to Life!!

Our whole purpose in this moment— and in life, (simply being a string of moments strung together over years), is to simply say yes to life. Say yes to what life is requesting of you and yes to what the human experience is presenting. Both blessing and loss are contained in the above. Saying yes to your gifts and special talents, and accepting life when it is not only less than your ideal but when it is fucking devastating and tragic. Accepting what is with grace. With no why me or victim mentality. To quietly be ok with whatever is. The Divine Within, has an understanding, even an appreciation,(however deep that may be), that this Earth School has lessons for your Soul that can not be bypassed. 

In the background of our resistance to certain events, circumstances, and situations, there is an inner knowing that life is always happening for us and forging our Souls with every heartbreak and joy. Like the blooming flower or a singing bird, there is in us and our humanness an imperative to thrive and offer our own brand of beauty and magnificence to the planet. It is in our nature and DNA to be all that we were created capable of being, complete with all of our unique passions, and talents.

Somewhere along the line, for many of us, we lose ourSelves and our true nature. Whether it be the challenges of life, the banality of the day to day existence, or the distractions of modernity (including but not limited to: electricity, the internet, and busy-disease), something has caused us to feel removed and separate from nature. We believe we are different than nature. Because of this, we no longer trust our own natural cycles of dying, birth and re-birth. David Whyte says it best, “We are the only species that can refuse our own flowering”. 

Unlike the flower that just blooms and fulfills the measure of its creation effortlessly and with no self-doubt, we look at our talents and we judge them as not good enough, and ask, “Who am I to be, do or have x?”  We may also realize that we have to die to what no longer serves our highest good and is no longer genuine, in order to birth a more authentic life that awaits us. It can be terrifying. We may allow the lower emotions of shame, guilt, insecurity, fear and grief to creep in and paralyze us.

We are afraid of what we may have to go through to fulfill our destiny, we get scared and flat out refuse our soul’s request. And that refusal haunts us. Deep down, we know it is our destiny. We know if we don’t follow the path of our heart, we will leave this world hating ourselves and being disappointed that we lacked the courage to do the thing we were born to do. How many lifetimes have we chosen to play a small game? How many more will you choose to do the same? 

I think that now more than ever, people are starting to wake up and desire more meaning and significance for their lives. They are feeling the gaping hole in their soul of a life unlived and embraced. Some are also feeling the hollowness of living a life to please others, i.e. parents, partners, children, church, community, etc. So much so, that you don’t even know who you are anymore. 

It’s time for a rescue mission. Time to plunge the depths of what is authentically true for you. What lights you up and what makes your heart smile? Time to dust off those dreams and talents and emerge with a new commitment to yourSelf and your Soul.  Erin Hanson said, “There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?” Oh but my darling, What if you fly?” 

Mary Williamson asked In "A Return to Love" "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? 

She says that “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear our presence automatically liberates others.”

When we free ourSelves from our own fears and start living a life of full expression, people around us are inspired and feel liberated to do the same. 

In these words, we can hear a solution to our own refusal and smallness, and that is saying a big fat yes to life. We remember and realize that the gifts that we are born with are certainly not ours to horde. We get to stop being greedy with our magnificence. Stop refusing your own flowering. Allow yourself to unfold. Trust and have patience with the process. Allow your Light to shine brightly. Share your gift unabashedly. Find the compassion and courage necessary to be the you you were created capable of being and just say yes to what life is requesting of you. 

“And the day (has come) when the risk to remain tight in a bud (is now) more painful than the risk it (takes) to blossom. “(Slightly paraphrased from Anais Nin). Now is the time. “What are you going to do with your one wild and precious life?” (Mary Oliver) Just say yes beautiful peeps, and Shine On, Shine On!!