Rescue Mission To Reclaim the Neglected & Abandoned

Photo Cred: @kimzier11 Instagram

Does anybody else love exploring old and abandoned buildings? I've had a passion for this since I could walk. What’s that?!? What is in THERE? With wild abandon I still charge past the no trespassing and do not enter signs, as if they were invisible and certainly never intended for me. Those are for people that live in fear and follow the rules for their own safety and all the other bullshit they were taught. I certainly wasn’t afraid of crumbling buildings, overgrown weeds, or snakes and spiders that may have been lurking around the next corner. Nor did the thought of bums that may have taken up residence concern me, ‘cuz well… I made friends easily. I certainly wasn’t going to worry myself with getting in trouble, because who was going to be in any of these godforsaken, abandoned places anyway? Besides, if some law enforcement happened to show…remember—people like me. None of that ‘what if’ shit ever registered with my head-strong lil Aries Soul. The rules were never for me, and when confronted with one, it always felt like a challenge to be immediately broken, just because it dared to exist in my presence.  

I came across a picture today of an old, deserted Victorian home, similar to the one in which I grew up in Maine. I was struck, as I always am, by my love and intrigue for the abandoned and neglected. My first remembrance of this was as a child, exploring Mrs. LaSalle's all but forgotten, scary building behind her home. She was an elderly, unkind woman and former teacher. Inside this odd building were damp and dusty books with pictures of naked body parts and galaxies that surely contained the mysteries of the Universe to a 6-year-olds imagination. To make it even creepier,  a real-life skeleton lurked in the corner. There was never much light in there, it had a weird smell and you can imagine the crazy stories the neighborhood kids would make up about this mysterious place. I was warned repeatedly not to go in there but the place just oozed with the dark and unknown and I couldn’t help myself. 

I’m taking a couple of classes currently, one on depth psychology and the other on the shadow and astrology, so I decided to explore this curiosity a little more. This fascination of neglected and abandoned buildings has been a theme in my dreams and in life has expanded into retrieving, reclaiming and renovating places like that. The home I’m in now was abandoned for over a year when it landed in my lap, in desperate need of some TLC. Needless to say, with a little help, lots of cleaning, painting, love and sweat equity, I’ve shined it up to a proper palace worthy of this goddess. 

AddPhoto Cred: @szary.burek on Instagram

When I lived on a beautiful property I called The Enchanted Cottage, I went to work (often with the assistance of others—but always driven by my love of the place) at reclaiming the forested acre lot. It was completely over-grown and hardly walkable. By the end of my 10 years of devoted service, there were twig-lined paths, a renovated tree-house, and countless herbs, flowers, and bird-feeders scattered perfectly about. Many of the trees I’d climbed myself to place twinkly lights and hang wind chimes to make it extra magical. 

Why, though? Why couldn’t I just find the perfect spot from the beginning? Why did I always have to feel like I was rescuing something? Well… enter junior psychologist. Maybe it's because I’ve felt abandoned, neglected and unwanted. Hmmm...way to go Sherlock. It's always been my core wounding. I have been reclaiming myself through rescuing birds with broken wings, feeding small, wild creatures, and providing a roof and warm meal to various friends and family members in need for years. I’m the one inviting all those folks with no place to go for Thanksgiving or Christmas over for dinner. I’ve always gotten into homes bigger than I needed just in case…somebody else needs a spot. I’ve never wanted anyone to feel abandoned on my watch, or to feel alone without assistance in a cold, cruel world. Always providing a message of hope for the weary traveler of life. “Ooh, child….things are going to get easier and brighter.” Oh…how sweet, lil Laurie. No….that wasn’t it. 

It was all just bread crumbs from my soul regarding my deepest shadow desire to be loved and nurtured arising from my deepest shadow fear of being rejected and abandoned. For someone to say to me, you…YOU are worth saving. YOU are worth my time, effort and industry to see that you have all that you need to thrive, dear one. I adore all that you are. Every crack and crevice, every shadow and unexplored dark and dreary place within…every pettiness, meanness, and smallness. I will love all of those places inside of you every bit as much (and maybe more) as all your magnificent, outstanding, exceptional and exquisite places. Your brilliant, sacred, and beautiful Soul I will revere along with your grace, freedom, and wisdom. I embrace all that you are, with every bit of my heart and soul. You will never want for anything and I will always cradle you within my arms like the wide-open Universe holds its treasured stars, planets, and galaxies. You will be cherished and adored as if the hope of all humanity resides in your perfect blossoming and unfolding. You are that important to all of creation. 

Is that not our deepest desire? To be loved and cherished exactly as we are in this moment, and all past and future moments? To be so cherished that none would ever dream of casting us off? 

We are that important to all of creation. We are here to heal ourselves from our perceived brokenness over lifetimes. We are here to gather up all the seeming fragments of our Soul over eons of misunderstood abuse, poverty, rejection, and abandonment. We are here to feel all of the rage, shame, guilt, apathy, fear, pride, and grief of those lifetimes and transmute and transcend it all to higher levels of consciousness where all of it is accepted, honored and embraced. Where none of the shadow aspects of humanity are left behind but are loved into wholeness. We feel, therefore we are. We embrace all because we are one.  

Where have you ever felt rejected and abandoned, and how can you go about not doing that same thing to yourSelf any longer? How and where do you deserve reclaiming? How can you give yourSelf that gift? Where have you been orphaned? What aspects of yourself have you just completely neglected like some red-headed step-child? Is it your health? Weight? Spirituality? Anger? Desire? Your passions? What have you put on the shelf and said, ‘you will have to wait’…or 'you don’t deserve this or that' or 'that isn’t important right now'? And how dare you deny your Soul its very life, breath, and passion? Who are you (shell/ego/boss) to say your art will have to wait…finding love will have to wait…taking care of your body will have to wait… being angry will have to wait? How dare you? How dare you deny yourself well-being, vitality, excitement, and joy. For what? And 'til when? (When do you get to reclaim and renovate your Soul?) 

This isn’t about blaming or shaming somebody for not giving these things to you. This isn’t about finding the right somebody that will be all that for you. It's about reclaiming ourSelves, ourSelves. It is about loving ourSelves and our perceived stories of being cast-off, abused and abandoned and making it right within ourSelves by refusing to continue the abuse. It’s about us loving us enough to allow ourSelves everything that we need and desire. It’s about feeling worthy and giving ourselves permission to eat the cake, paint the picture, explore unchartered territory within ourSelves. It's about having the curiosity to explore those hidden depths of our own psyche like a lover. It's about feeling all the love and compassion of our Higher Selves, knowing all was purposeful and for our benefit. It's about giving ourSelves permission to fully love the entirety of our own Selves with the wild, ecstatic abandon of the Divine that resides within us. 

I realized my love for this exploration of seemingly dark and abandoned places has translated so beautifully into my life’s work, mission, and passion. Through reclaiming and renovating my own Soul, by acknowledging, loving and embracing all the parts I felt were unlovable, undesirable, and unwanted within mySelf,  I can now love and honor them in others. Where there was judgment, I now find acceptance.

I've come to the realization that what I find lurking in the shadows of another has become the most beautiful to me. It is their darkness I long to embrace, the perfection in their seeming imperfection that holds my intrigue. Perhaps it's because they hide it from most and I feel honored and trusted when they allow that aspect of themselves out in my presence. Maybe it's because it's the most intimate and vulnerable place within us and as such feels so fragile and everything in me wants to provide a soft landing for its exploration. 

I believe the work of self-discovery into our own depths is the greatest journey we'll ever take. To excavate what we've demonized or abandoned, to find what we've suppressed, repressed, denied and projected in all the various ways and then to lovingly bring it to the surface and into the Light is an act of tremendous courage and bravery. There is nothing more exciting or intriguing to me than the reclamation of seemingly lost Souls (to themselves, only) and their restoration to wholeness. It's always a beautiful thing when our wounds turn into wisdom to heal and bless others. 

So…how do you approach shadow work? Have you taken that deep dive? Do you plunge in head first, with intrigue and excitement like me, or are you the more cautious, trepidatious type? Maybe you’re afraid of what you may find in that abandoned building—a bum, robber, rapist or monster? Maybe it feels like an old lean-to— dangerous, dilapidated, and unsafe in there? Perhaps you read the 'do not enter sign' and you believe someone else knows better than you and you should definitely take heed of the rules. Maybe you fear the consequences of disobedience? Or perhaps you've cast an invisible cloak around your shadow a long time ago and don't even think yours exists. Just notice, what's your typical jam when it comes to this kind of Soul work. 

And if you don't know where to start and you happen to deserve a guide, I may just be your girl!  Blessings beautiful, shadow explorers. May the Light of your own Soul guide you on your path to freedom and Self-love. 

The Longest Night—Winter Solstice Significance

DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL

“Darkness has its teachings….”  is a line from Trevor Hall song. Darkness contains some of our most profound lessons. 

Light is not born from light—but out of darkness. When we are born, we come out of a dark womb. Jesus was born in a manger, other savior-types were born in caves. We all come from darkness into the Light. 

It is at the coldest, darkest point in the year, that the Light is celebrated on the Winter Solstice. Not because the Sun is at its strongest or brightest then, but because of the promise—the promise of light and warmth to come. The Winter Solstice marks the shortest day and the longest night, in other words, the longest period of darkness in a 24-hr period in the entire year. It’s a passage from darkness into Light; a portal of sorts.  Like after a dark night of the Soul, when you barely reach the other side, with skinned knees, broken heart, and beat-the-fuck-up. But you know, you just know, you will be ok—you will survive this, too. The point when you realize that there is finally light at the end of the long, dark tunnel. It is a glorious moment. 

There is something here that is more palpable, than when you are at the pinnacle of all your glory and have reached the goal and are now basking in the light of your hard-won accomplishments. There is something about this moment, something magical when you pass the darkest threshold. You feel like you can finally stop holding your breath, you are flooded with gratitude like your life will go on—it’s a rising-from-the-ashes-phoenix-kind-of-moment. That’s where the celebration begins. You got to the other side! You braved the solitary journey that only you could make. You emerge from the depths and there is your Divine Team of Light cheering you on. This is the vibe of the Winter Solstice. It’s a victory kind of moment. “You made it!!” You have emerged from the darkness. 

It’s as if in that darkest point, you went through a death of sorts. Whether it was a battle with addiction, the end of a toxic relationship, a personal battle fought within, or a huge loss/setback of sorts. It’s part of a cycle dedicated to death, dying and a stripping away of lingering attachments that are no longer aligned with your Highest Self. It’s a process of whittling down external and material things, that are no longer authentic for you. And often, it’s that which will give you the greatest lessons to lose, whether that is your health, a loved one, a career, a home, wealth, etc.that show-up. I think sometimes the things/people we identify with most, get stripped away to show us that we are not that. We get to realize that we are not those things we so desperately attempt to identify with.  We are not our coveted careers, our prized relationships, our precious possessions, our most brilliant ideas and thoughts, or even our life’s work. Those things do not define us.  

You died to something in this dark space, and you birthed a new Self in the process. And the Universe cheers your hero’s journey. And it is out of this darkness, pain, agony, and heartbreak that the Light is born within. For without darkness, we could not know and appreciate the Light. That’s why this moment is so miraculous. Some don’t make it to the other side. Some die. Some fear death so they don’t even attempt the journey. Many are paralyzed with fear, afraid of the dark, especially their own darkness and what may be lurking in the shadows.  

But not you. You are brave and courageous. You were born to do this!! You chose the evolutionary path. You wanted to learn as much as you could in this lifetime—just in case you don’t get another one! You, brave warriors, ‘chose in’ to every bit of it. You may not remember that, but allow me to remind you-you did. You are having the exact experience that you came to this particular planet to learn. Yay, you!!! Yay for all of your many challenges and perceived struggles. How much have you learned there in the dark? I venture to guess it was a lot more, not to mention more meaningful and significant, then anything you have ever learned in the Light. 

Would you trade it? Would you choose easier? Never. You would not be the you that you are now. We need look no further than to butterflies and chicks. Huh? If you help them get out of their own cocoon or shell, they will not survive. The must do it themSelves. If makes them strong and ready for their next incarnation/re-birth. Evidently, it’s part of our human journey, as well. “Into every life, a lil rain must fall.” It shows us who we are, what we are made of, and how we’d like to show up differently next time. 

When you shift your perception from life is happening to you to that of life is happening for you and that you are actually a request for all that shows up, then you have real power. Contrastingly, when you believe that life is happening to you, that there is nothing you can do about it, and that you are at effect,  it’s as if you envision yourself a tiny sailboat being tossed to and fro on the big-bad ocean. All these waves (problems, people,& challenges) are coming at you and you can’t even take the helm. You are a helpless (and often a hopeless) victim. Life is happening to you and you are at its mercy. 

When you understand that you are accountable for everything that comes into your space, then you have a beginning point. A launch pad for your life! What if there really were no one to blame for anything? What if you knew that your soul was actually a request for every challenge that has come into your life? It’s the good news and the bad news. Bad news like fuuuuuuuuh!!! I created all this?!? Yes, you did, on some level.^⁠1 

Good news, in that, you are not a victim!! Congratulations!! If you unconsciously created all the chaos and crap in your life, imagine what you could do with some conscious intention directed to your thoughts, actions, and emotions. What would you choose to create if you knew you were the master of your destiny? How will you enlist all the powers and forces available to you to do so? How will you show up as the powerful-creator you have always known/wished yourSelf to be in the world? What would that even look like for you? Who would you be if you took charge and were just accountable for all of it? It’s a place of power and empowerment. 

News flash!!  This is where your life actually gets really fun and you can start playing with some really cool ideas, concepts, energies, quantum physics, astrology, etc. Many of which we will discuss in this book. But for now, start thinking about what you would like your life to look like and what has been in your way? The way I see it, the only thing that is ever in the way of my success, is me. So start thinking about all of the excuses you have for your own mediocrity…those reasons you have told others and even bought into yourself about your parents, your childhood, your ex, job situation, etc. Write them down. How do they make you feel? 

They are not the truth. And none of them are reasons that you can’t create and have your best life. 

So align with the energy of the Winter Solstice to think about what you’d like to birth. It’s a time of germination, of reflection and resolution. It’s a time to dream and to plant seeds. You have come through a lot, you’ve let go of, or been stripped of much. How will you recreate yourSelf and emerge from the cave?  What seeds of authenticity do you want to plant and nurture? How can you become more YOU? As you envision and conjure a more authentic life for yourSelf, what does that look like? What does it feel like? 

In a brilliant poem by David Whyte, he declares, “Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet confinement of your aloneness to learn anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you.”

Here’s to letting go of all that is just too small for you, and to dreaming, envisioning and conjuring your biggest, brightest, most authentic Self. It’s a journey you want to take and a path worth following—your journey, your path, your life.