Breathe Fire? by Laurie Frazier

       One does not become enlightened

 by imagining figures of light, 

but by making the darkness conscious.”

~Carl Jung

Consciousness expands only when we integrate something from the unconscious/shadow. When we are fully aware of and embrace our own darkness within, is when we truly become whole, stop living in fear, and step into our true power.

I’ve had this fridge magnet for years with a picture of a lady in a dress smoking a long cigarette and looking cool af that says, “She had not yet decided whether to use her power for good or evil.’  (Insert mwahahahah)

What that quote has always communicated to me loud and clear is the power of choice. She is just observing. She isn’t reacting to a fucking thing. She is surveying the scene with amusement….watching all the fuckheads, deciding if it’s worth her time to retaliate, and if the entertainment value will be worth it or if she’ll be better served by just turning and walking away. She can choose either. That’s where the power lies. 

If she had not integrated her own monster (see Jordan Peterson), she might be afraid. She may not know what to say or do when somebody fucks with her. She’ll have to talk to her friends about it and see what they think…yawn. 

The thing is if you never fight back, if all you give out is love and light, if you let people walk all over you, and never say a peep, for you to continue with that behavior…. Is that virtuous? No. You lack courage and balls and hide under the guise of virtue signaling. 

“ If you are not capable of cruelty, you are a victim to anyone that is.”

~J. Peterson.

On the other end of this scale are the pathetically evil people. They tend to be reactive, emotional powder kegs, ready to explode with any given trigger. They have no control over their choices. They are not the observer. They are the reactor. They react to their lust and addiction to sex, drugs, and alcohol, they react to their desperate need for validation, and they react when they realize they have no power or control over even themselves. They are powerless to choose from a place of goodness and morality that doesn’t involve manipulation. 

Both are a result of the total denial of their shadow, and the fear of taking a deep, hard look within. It’s easier for all of them to just point their fingers in the direction of those who’ve done them wrong, or to those they themselves have wronged (reverse victim mode). 

The thing about really good people is that they are consciously choosing to be so. They’re not choosing it bc they don’t know how to fight back, they’re not choosing it because they are afraid to do otherwise or are fearful of what others may think of them. They are choosing it because they can. 

Let me speak for mySelf as that’s really all I know….

Because I have real-life experience of standing up for myself over and over, because I’ve verbally bitch-slapped numerous people in the face with no fear, because I have taken from those that have taken from me with no shame, because I have sent evil straight back to the sender with no concern of any repercussions…and I’m not afraid to use my darkness against the forces of evil and feel 100% justified while I'm doing it….that makes me whole—and according to Jordan Peterson, “dangerous.”  

Because of this, when I choose not to return evil with evil, it’s a conscious choice because I’m also not easily triggered. It's very easy for me to walk away. 

Howeverrrr, there may be rare situations when I do choose the dark, and it won’t be unconsciously or because I’m being reactive to another’s injustice. Rest assured, it will be calculated and exacting for maximum impact and all the forces of Light will be on my side if I choose to do so. My choice to invoke the powers of hell will come from ancient wisdom, the ancestors, and the law of reciprocity—not stupidity and my ego. 

I believe that wherever there is the potential for the greatest good, the opposite must also be true. One must know oneSelf as capable of both— therein lies the virtue. To observe. To respond and not react. To put on your armor or walk the fuck away. These days I just ask myself, which one will be more entertaining? 

What about you? Have you integrated your 'monster'? Do you know what he/she is capable of? It's not an easy task for those (especially women) who have been taught their entire lives to "be nice". It's nothing I've ever aspired to when there are soooo many more interesting things one can be.

I was fortunate to be raised by a looong line of badass women that knew how to speak their truth and had the power to control their own destinies. I passed that on to my daughters, and I hope you'll stop telling yours to "be nice". 

 "As for my girls, I'll raise them to believe they breathe fire."~Jessica Kirkland

To Thine Own Self Be True

Before I can talk to you about loving yourSelf, I feel I’d like to share what I’ve been doing that has caused me to do just the opposite; and that is to dim my Light, give mySelf up, suppress and deny my truth, and as a result, resent my partner falsely and then mySelf truthfully.  Allow me to explain.

One thing that I know for sure, is that the Universe will give me the EXACT lesson I need at the EXACT moment that I need it. And it isn’t always fun, but it is ALWAYS for my growth and benefit. For me, it seems that these lessons are to assist me with knowing what is TRULY important to me. It’s like some kind of refiner’s fire. The diamond in the rough, being chipped away year after year, decade after decade.  Only to shine-you-up to the most glorious, brilliant version of yourSelf that you have always dreamed yourSelf to be. And all it takes, is to be true to yourSelf. Sounds simple enough, right?  “To thine own Self be true”, some crazy half-wit poet said centuries ago. We’ve all heard that line, but do you know what came before it and after it?

Before “To thine own Self be true”, was this line: "THIS ABOVE ALL!!!" Like if you do NOTHING else!  Allow me to elaborate for my old friend Will,  ‘this above all’—above all other things, people, circumstances and or situations, “To thine OWN SELF BE TRUE”, for heaven’s sake!!! 

And why is that? Why must we be true to ourSelves, at all costs and ‘above all’?  Willie answers with his last, most brilliant line: (because) “Thou canst not then be false to ANY man.” Let me amercanize it for you, If you are true to yourSelf, at all times and in all ways, you must not only speak your truth but BE your truth. If you are speaking, acting and BEING your truth, you cannot be fake, inauthentic or ‘false’ to anyone, man, woman, child, situation or circumstance in your life. Not so easy now, huh?  

And why is it so important NOT to be ‘false’ to anyone? First for the obvious reasons—it's not cool to be a fraud.  Second, and less apparent, because it hurts YOUR Soul. Not in the way that it’s a betrayal and you are a bad person—but in a compromises-your-truth-eats-a-whole-in-your-heart-and-you-hate-yourSelf kind of way. That’s all. Because when you live even a smidge less than your total truth or dim your light just a tad, before you know it, you are cutting off your right arm and the light goes out completely!! 

Why do we do it? Or let me stick to what I know—mySelf.  Why do I do it? I do it for a myriad of reasons.  I dim my Light because I think people will like me more if I don’t appear quite as fabulous and brilliant as I really am. I pretend that my core beliefs aren’t as important to me as they are for fear of abandonment.  For example, “If I tell my you who I really am, your beliefs may be different, or diametrically opposed, and you may judge me and no longer want to be my friend, partner or lover. If I tell you how I really feel about love and compromise, it may scare you and you will want to run away before your perceived, inevitable heart-break ensues. I don’t tell everyone that I believe I am the Sun’s beloved and that He is mine because you will think I am a nut job. And all the wise things I’ve shared in the past will become empty and meaningless to you now because you think I’m whacked. Those are just a few reasons that I don’t always shine as bright with certain people—I’m scared.  I love you and I want you to love me back. What are some of your reasons? 

If you feel you have to be less than exactly who you are with ANYBODY because you don’t think they will love you otherwise; that whoever they are is worth the compromise—THAT is the biggest lie and the greatest infidelity.*  The infidelity to the Self.  To thine OWN Self be true, remember?  Not to someone else’s truth—YOURS!!!  The minute I decide your beliefs, feelings and rules are more important/valid than my own or the minute I decide to cut out a chunk of my heart because I think you may love me more if I am a way other than I really am—that is the beginning of the infidelity.

Budddha said, “There is no one else in the world more deserving of your love than YOU!!”  And if I put your truth above my own, it will not be long before I start resenting you and want to leave.  

And if I do that for you, I am certainly not loving mySelf or owning the truth of ME.  I am being a fraction of mySelf—the piece I think you will deem acceptable, appropriate and lovable. I am being inauthentic, living a lie and deep down you know it.  But you remain silent, pretending to believe because part of you thinks you have won.

If I am untrue to my own core truth, if I agree to live less than I truley am, so you can feel secure, and I can feel safe that you won’t leave me, at some point it will become too crushing to my soul to stifle that much of mySelf. And what started as something beautiful will soon be over.  

This is how it often goes—we meet someone, we share our brightest Light, we share our heart, our truth and ideals.  We fall in love with all of that yumminess. Then fear of loss sets in, conditions arise and the parameters and rules are carefully put in place. You are now not allowed to be as big, bright and beautiful with anybody else. The compromise begins.  You start to suffocate.  The death of the relationship (DTR) may begin at the very moment we try to Define The Relationship (DTR)—coincidence? I don’t think so). 

To tell this story more accurately and accountably, the person I am really resenting is MYSELF because I willingly agreed to give mySelf up. I agreed to things that were not my truth but yours. I agreed to play by your rules, because of my fear of losing you and my lack of love for mySelf. Now I am hating mySelf for the inauthenticity of the new self that I agreed to be. I am entirely to blame for this. There was no coercion—just a perceived loss on my part.  

The real loss for both of us, is that I pretty much shut down. I can barely speak, because, this new ‘false’ Self has no idea who she is. I am missing out on my own potential growth that comes from sharing with another who has different views and opinions, and you are missing out on the magnificence of me in my truth. It sucks all the way around.  

So is it possible for two Souls with very differing views of the world and "relating" to have an amazing relationship?  My answer is a resounding YES!!  How? The answer is simple, “This above all: to thine own Self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.” Get clear about who you are, what is most important to you and be THAT!!. Realize that YOU are the love of your life.  Without that, you got nothin’! If you don’t love you, you do not love the other.  If you can’t be true to you, you won’t be true to anyone else. The first love affair we ever have should be with ourSelves.

So fall in love with yourSelf, every quirky inch! Value your hard earned philosophies, opinions and heart-felt ideas, but don’t be rigidly attached to them. Be open to listen and really hear. Give Billy Joel a run for his money singing, “Don’t go changing to try and please me, I love you just the way you are...” to your partner every morning.  Seek to understand the other with no expectation or need for ‘change.‘ Take to heart what the great philosopher Nietzsche said, “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”

Your way is not the ONLY way!  Lose the thought: my way or the highway. Adopt the heart of compassion and understanding.  Practice patience and tolerance. Keep asking the question, “What does it really mean to love UNconditionally?” How can you do it better? Accept, don’t judge, forgive, be true, be free, and laugh, play, and dance through your amazing love story. The love of you life is yourSelf—don't waste another second not being passionately and devotedly true to YOU!  

Thanks for the inspiration WIlliam Shakespeare,Terri Plewa & Shiva Ji.

*Credit Terri Plewa’s poem to be added soon