Rescue Mission To Reclaim the Neglected & Abandoned

Photo Cred: @kimzier11 Instagram

Does anybody else love exploring old and abandoned buildings? I've had a passion for this since I could walk. What’s that?!? What is in THERE? With wild abandon I still charge past the no trespassing and do not enter signs, as if they were invisible and certainly never intended for me. Those are for people that live in fear and follow the rules for their own safety and all the other bullshit they were taught. I certainly wasn’t afraid of crumbling buildings, overgrown weeds, or snakes and spiders that may have been lurking around the next corner. Nor did the thought of bums that may have taken up residence concern me, ‘cuz well… I made friends easily. I certainly wasn’t going to worry myself with getting in trouble, because who was going to be in any of these godforsaken, abandoned places anyway? Besides, if some law enforcement happened to show…remember—people like me. None of that ‘what if’ shit ever registered with my head-strong lil Aries Soul. The rules were never for me, and when confronted with one, it always felt like a challenge to be immediately broken, just because it dared to exist in my presence.  

I came across a picture today of an old, deserted Victorian home, similar to the one in which I grew up in Maine. I was struck, as I always am, by my love and intrigue for the abandoned and neglected. My first remembrance of this was as a child, exploring Mrs. LaSalle's all but forgotten, scary building behind her home. She was an elderly, unkind woman and former teacher. Inside this odd building were damp and dusty books with pictures of naked body parts and galaxies that surely contained the mysteries of the Universe to a 6-year-olds imagination. To make it even creepier,  a real-life skeleton lurked in the corner. There was never much light in there, it had a weird smell and you can imagine the crazy stories the neighborhood kids would make up about this mysterious place. I was warned repeatedly not to go in there but the place just oozed with the dark and unknown and I couldn’t help myself. 

I’m taking a couple of classes currently, one on depth psychology and the other on the shadow and astrology, so I decided to explore this curiosity a little more. This fascination of neglected and abandoned buildings has been a theme in my dreams and in life has expanded into retrieving, reclaiming and renovating places like that. The home I’m in now was abandoned for over a year when it landed in my lap, in desperate need of some TLC. Needless to say, with a little help, lots of cleaning, painting, love and sweat equity, I’ve shined it up to a proper palace worthy of this goddess. 

AddPhoto Cred: @szary.burek on Instagram

When I lived on a beautiful property I called The Enchanted Cottage, I went to work (often with the assistance of others—but always driven by my love of the place) at reclaiming the forested acre lot. It was completely over-grown and hardly walkable. By the end of my 10 years of devoted service, there were twig-lined paths, a renovated tree-house, and countless herbs, flowers, and bird-feeders scattered perfectly about. Many of the trees I’d climbed myself to place twinkly lights and hang wind chimes to make it extra magical. 

Why, though? Why couldn’t I just find the perfect spot from the beginning? Why did I always have to feel like I was rescuing something? Well… enter junior psychologist. Maybe it's because I’ve felt abandoned, neglected and unwanted. Hmmm...way to go Sherlock. It's always been my core wounding. I have been reclaiming myself through rescuing birds with broken wings, feeding small, wild creatures, and providing a roof and warm meal to various friends and family members in need for years. I’m the one inviting all those folks with no place to go for Thanksgiving or Christmas over for dinner. I’ve always gotten into homes bigger than I needed just in case…somebody else needs a spot. I’ve never wanted anyone to feel abandoned on my watch, or to feel alone without assistance in a cold, cruel world. Always providing a message of hope for the weary traveler of life. “Ooh, child….things are going to get easier and brighter.” Oh…how sweet, lil Laurie. No….that wasn’t it. 

It was all just bread crumbs from my soul regarding my deepest shadow desire to be loved and nurtured arising from my deepest shadow fear of being rejected and abandoned. For someone to say to me, you…YOU are worth saving. YOU are worth my time, effort and industry to see that you have all that you need to thrive, dear one. I adore all that you are. Every crack and crevice, every shadow and unexplored dark and dreary place within…every pettiness, meanness, and smallness. I will love all of those places inside of you every bit as much (and maybe more) as all your magnificent, outstanding, exceptional and exquisite places. Your brilliant, sacred, and beautiful Soul I will revere along with your grace, freedom, and wisdom. I embrace all that you are, with every bit of my heart and soul. You will never want for anything and I will always cradle you within my arms like the wide-open Universe holds its treasured stars, planets, and galaxies. You will be cherished and adored as if the hope of all humanity resides in your perfect blossoming and unfolding. You are that important to all of creation. 

Is that not our deepest desire? To be loved and cherished exactly as we are in this moment, and all past and future moments? To be so cherished that none would ever dream of casting us off? 

We are that important to all of creation. We are here to heal ourselves from our perceived brokenness over lifetimes. We are here to gather up all the seeming fragments of our Soul over eons of misunderstood abuse, poverty, rejection, and abandonment. We are here to feel all of the rage, shame, guilt, apathy, fear, pride, and grief of those lifetimes and transmute and transcend it all to higher levels of consciousness where all of it is accepted, honored and embraced. Where none of the shadow aspects of humanity are left behind but are loved into wholeness. We feel, therefore we are. We embrace all because we are one.  

Where have you ever felt rejected and abandoned, and how can you go about not doing that same thing to yourSelf any longer? How and where do you deserve reclaiming? How can you give yourSelf that gift? Where have you been orphaned? What aspects of yourself have you just completely neglected like some red-headed step-child? Is it your health? Weight? Spirituality? Anger? Desire? Your passions? What have you put on the shelf and said, ‘you will have to wait’…or 'you don’t deserve this or that' or 'that isn’t important right now'? And how dare you deny your Soul its very life, breath, and passion? Who are you (shell/ego/boss) to say your art will have to wait…finding love will have to wait…taking care of your body will have to wait… being angry will have to wait? How dare you? How dare you deny yourself well-being, vitality, excitement, and joy. For what? And 'til when? (When do you get to reclaim and renovate your Soul?) 

This isn’t about blaming or shaming somebody for not giving these things to you. This isn’t about finding the right somebody that will be all that for you. It's about reclaiming ourSelves, ourSelves. It is about loving ourSelves and our perceived stories of being cast-off, abused and abandoned and making it right within ourSelves by refusing to continue the abuse. It’s about us loving us enough to allow ourSelves everything that we need and desire. It’s about feeling worthy and giving ourselves permission to eat the cake, paint the picture, explore unchartered territory within ourSelves. It's about having the curiosity to explore those hidden depths of our own psyche like a lover. It's about feeling all the love and compassion of our Higher Selves, knowing all was purposeful and for our benefit. It's about giving ourSelves permission to fully love the entirety of our own Selves with the wild, ecstatic abandon of the Divine that resides within us. 

I realized my love for this exploration of seemingly dark and abandoned places has translated so beautifully into my life’s work, mission, and passion. Through reclaiming and renovating my own Soul, by acknowledging, loving and embracing all the parts I felt were unlovable, undesirable, and unwanted within mySelf,  I can now love and honor them in others. Where there was judgment, I now find acceptance.

I've come to the realization that what I find lurking in the shadows of another has become the most beautiful to me. It is their darkness I long to embrace, the perfection in their seeming imperfection that holds my intrigue. Perhaps it's because they hide it from most and I feel honored and trusted when they allow that aspect of themselves out in my presence. Maybe it's because it's the most intimate and vulnerable place within us and as such feels so fragile and everything in me wants to provide a soft landing for its exploration. 

I believe the work of self-discovery into our own depths is the greatest journey we'll ever take. To excavate what we've demonized or abandoned, to find what we've suppressed, repressed, denied and projected in all the various ways and then to lovingly bring it to the surface and into the Light is an act of tremendous courage and bravery. There is nothing more exciting or intriguing to me than the reclamation of seemingly lost Souls (to themselves, only) and their restoration to wholeness. It's always a beautiful thing when our wounds turn into wisdom to heal and bless others. 

So…how do you approach shadow work? Have you taken that deep dive? Do you plunge in head first, with intrigue and excitement like me, or are you the more cautious, trepidatious type? Maybe you’re afraid of what you may find in that abandoned building—a bum, robber, rapist or monster? Maybe it feels like an old lean-to— dangerous, dilapidated, and unsafe in there? Perhaps you read the 'do not enter sign' and you believe someone else knows better than you and you should definitely take heed of the rules. Maybe you fear the consequences of disobedience? Or perhaps you've cast an invisible cloak around your shadow a long time ago and don't even think yours exists. Just notice, what's your typical jam when it comes to this kind of Soul work. 

And if you don't know where to start and you happen to deserve a guide, I may just be your girl!  Blessings beautiful, shadow explorers. May the Light of your own Soul guide you on your path to freedom and Self-love. 

In Praise of The Divine Masculine

I’ve never been a man-hater or basher, in spite of my mother’s influential training and example.  Perhaps because I came into this world with a very clear memory of my last lifetime as a man.  When I was two years old, my mother dressed me up in a beautiful white, ruffly dress to go to a birthday party—apparently I sat sulking and embarrassed in a corner the whole time saying that I was a boy and should not be dressed this way. I remember as old as five walking around the neighborhood sans bikini-top so people would “get” that I wasn’t a girl!! I guess I was unconscious that the obviously feminine, floral bottom wasn’t fooling anybody. 

So what I’m trying to say is that I have always had an affinity towards and an understanding of men, which is why I’m compelled to write today. I believe that for some in the new age community, there is a misconception that I would like to clarify. 

I’d like to address the biggest topic on the current new age agenda: the much talked about and fast approaching “shift in consciousness,” as represented by December 21, 2012. This date is supposed to signify the birth of a new era—the age of aquarius and an age of enlightenment. We usually hear of it talked about as a shift from a negative patriarchal society evidenced by separation from mother earth, from each other, and from ourSelves (which NO question all deserve to shift, if not received a good boot out of the galaxy), as well as war, superiority, competition, etc. This 'shift' is supposed to be towards what is being called the Divine Feminine—a more loving, nurturing, inclusive, and compassionate consciousness. 

As much as we all tout Oneness and Unity Consciousness, if feels like all the talk of moving away from the masculine and patriarchy towards the feminine was creating an “Us vs. Them” situation, thus creating more SEPARATION. There is this idea that the feminine qualities are more important to our evolution than the masculine. I must confess, I fell into the trap of feeling like i was finally the right sex—that somehow women were finally being acknowledge for being the superior gender and we would soon be ruling the world once again.

Because the negative attributes that we wish to move away from are traditionally Masculine traits, we lay blame at the feet of MEN for the problems in the world that come from those traits. Further still, since the wonderful and beautiful traits we wish to embrace and move towards are Feminine, we tend to attribute to WOMEN all that is good in the world. 

I have a problem with this. 

The fact is that women have an equal number of negative traits: being catty, whiny, weak, bitchy, etc. To name a very few. And our male counterparts have as many beautiful qualities that speak to the Divine Masculine which is why we love them in the first place, ladies.

So before we (women) get on our high horses, telling our men that they need to be more like us, we would do well to ignite our own divine masculine traits  such as strength, courage, independence and be more like them. 

The TRUTH of what deserves to occur to move forward in this age of enlightenment, as I see it, is DIVINE INTEGRATION of BOTH the masculine and the feminine. A Divine Wholeness if you will, with neither sex leaving the other behind.  Hell, we just came from the space of separation and lack of unity, right?  Something different is now required.

The Divine Feminine is rising in ALL of us—men and women alike.  The feminine qualities are transcending gender and integrating with those of the masculine to create wholeness, heart-based living and unity consciousness. Just as women give birth to both genders, we can liken the rise of the Divine Feminine as birthing the consciousness of our whole, integrated Selves. Hand in hand we walk, re-aligned and complete into a new dawn. The highest state of spiritual evolution is androgyny—let our spirits unfold all the highest powers represented by the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine.

In our heart-based living our integrated Selves can express love that is more harmoniously balanced. In this space there is unconditional acceptance and non-judgement.  We are open to new experiences, and courageous and optimistic and in tune with our soul purpose. 

We are NOT abandoning all things male in this new era—we are gentling the masculine, empowering the feminine and INTEGRATING all the magnificent traits that make us divine. What we are leaving behind is the inherent separation that men AND women create with our own smallness.  We are leaving behind elitism of all forms—one gender is not better than another, nor is one race, culture or religion, better than any other.  We are embracing unconditional love, unity consciousness, oneness with gaia, our friends, lovers and families—integration and wholeness at its very best and most divine.  We are embodying benevolence, joy, peace, harmony and freedom.

As we get closer to fully integrating our divine feminine and our divine masculine, we are no longer at war with ourSelves—we experience unity and harmony within our own beings.  We are capable of connection and unity, because we have found it inside of ourselves.

In this Golden Age of Enlightenment, let us be One.  One integrated, whole being within ourSelves first of all—embodying the best of both the divine masculine and feminine qualities. And One not only with other races, religions and cultures, but One with the opposite gender. 

Peace and unity consciousness begins within each individual soul, may we seek to BE this first.  May we love our brothers, fathers, husbands, partners unconditionally.  May we recognize and acknowledge their strengths and contribution, as every bit as important and necessary as our own.  May we honor, cherish and respect their magnificence and empower, support and encourage them as they transition into their own Divine truth, as we graciously and humbly do the same.

You Are Not Special

You are not Special.

Most of us have this disease we'll call 'specialness'.  We all want to be special...we want to be the favorite child or grandchild. We want to be the best friend, the favorite girlfriend or boyfriend, the head of the class, the president of the group, the one people like the most.

All my life I tried to prove my specialness to a mother who clearly didn't want me...no amount of student body president, cheerleading captain, Miss Maine or anorexia was going to make it so...and that’s just the short list. 

Trust me, I know this disease well.

This desire to be special, to stand out from the crowd, often comes from our beliefs that we are not enough, that we may be inadequate or lacking in some way. So we attempt to remedy the situation with heroic acts, selflessness, service, having a fancy house, expensive car, great body, special partner, etc

But the truth of the matter is—We are not our possessions, positions or relationships...we are not even our bodies, thoughts or doing-ness. 

We are just us... Plain Jane and simple.

We are not special.  Strip it all away and we are the same...we shall all leave this place the same, just as we came into it. 

 And truly, that is a beautiful place to be. In that sameness we are able to feel the truth of Onenes.  In our sameness, we are always enough.  In our sameness there is no judgement. In our sameness only love and acceptance exist. In our sameness, we are not alone—we are one. 

In your specialness you will never be enough.  In your specialness you will fear someone taking your place and being more special than you. In your specialness you can be an elitist snob.  In your specialness you are better than everybody else.  In your specialness nobody can relate. In your specialness you are alone.  

It turns out that ‘special’ is a very lonely place. It's as if we are in a sea of isolated, tall pillars- one person atop of each pillar. This place is devoid of connection. You can't reach out to touch someone because you are so high up and far away from the next pillar. The person on the next pillar is too caught up in his own specialness to see the other people on the pillars near by...and even if he could see, he may be threatened that your pillar is a tad higher than his.

And don’t forget, the people below.  They are the ones who really know they could never be special, so they gather round the pillars of their favorite ‘special one’ to admire and worship...and you special ones are too high up to reach down. Once again, creating a lack of connection. Can you see how ugly it can be to be ‘special’

I’m not saying to stop shining your magnificent Light. I’m saying don’t worry about how anyone else perceives you. I’m saying be your brightest Self just for you, because that’s who you are...not because you are trying to impress.  Attempting to be something you are not, always comes from fear and insecurity.  Just be you. Like Buddha said, ‘Be a light unto yourself.’ When you are in that space, feeling lit from within, being inspired by the truth of you, loving who you are...that is special.

From that ‘special’ space, you will begin connecting effortlessly with others who are in that ‘same’ space. 

For me, I’d like to trade in ‘special’ for simply being present.  When I am present, everyone in my space feels special.