Breathe Fire? by Laurie Frazier

       One does not become enlightened

 by imagining figures of light, 

but by making the darkness conscious.”

~Carl Jung

Consciousness expands only when we integrate something from the unconscious/shadow. When we are fully aware of and embrace our own darkness within, is when we truly become whole, stop living in fear, and step into our true power.

I’ve had this fridge magnet for years with a picture of a lady in a dress smoking a long cigarette and looking cool af that says, “She had not yet decided whether to use her power for good or evil.’  (Insert mwahahahah)

What that quote has always communicated to me loud and clear is the power of choice. She is just observing. She isn’t reacting to a fucking thing. She is surveying the scene with amusement….watching all the fuckheads, deciding if it’s worth her time to retaliate, and if the entertainment value will be worth it or if she’ll be better served by just turning and walking away. She can choose either. That’s where the power lies. 

If she had not integrated her own monster (see Jordan Peterson), she might be afraid. She may not know what to say or do when somebody fucks with her. She’ll have to talk to her friends about it and see what they think…yawn. 

The thing is if you never fight back, if all you give out is love and light, if you let people walk all over you, and never say a peep, for you to continue with that behavior…. Is that virtuous? No. You lack courage and balls and hide under the guise of virtue signaling. 

“ If you are not capable of cruelty, you are a victim to anyone that is.”

~J. Peterson.

On the other end of this scale are the pathetically evil people. They tend to be reactive, emotional powder kegs, ready to explode with any given trigger. They have no control over their choices. They are not the observer. They are the reactor. They react to their lust and addiction to sex, drugs, and alcohol, they react to their desperate need for validation, and they react when they realize they have no power or control over even themselves. They are powerless to choose from a place of goodness and morality that doesn’t involve manipulation. 

Both are a result of the total denial of their shadow, and the fear of taking a deep, hard look within. It’s easier for all of them to just point their fingers in the direction of those who’ve done them wrong, or to those they themselves have wronged (reverse victim mode). 

The thing about really good people is that they are consciously choosing to be so. They’re not choosing it bc they don’t know how to fight back, they’re not choosing it because they are afraid to do otherwise or are fearful of what others may think of them. They are choosing it because they can. 

Let me speak for mySelf as that’s really all I know….

Because I have real-life experience of standing up for myself over and over, because I’ve verbally bitch-slapped numerous people in the face with no fear, because I have taken from those that have taken from me with no shame, because I have sent evil straight back to the sender with no concern of any repercussions…and I’m not afraid to use my darkness against the forces of evil and feel 100% justified while I'm doing it….that makes me whole—and according to Jordan Peterson, “dangerous.”  

Because of this, when I choose not to return evil with evil, it’s a conscious choice because I’m also not easily triggered. It's very easy for me to walk away. 

Howeverrrr, there may be rare situations when I do choose the dark, and it won’t be unconsciously or because I’m being reactive to another’s injustice. Rest assured, it will be calculated and exacting for maximum impact and all the forces of Light will be on my side if I choose to do so. My choice to invoke the powers of hell will come from ancient wisdom, the ancestors, and the law of reciprocity—not stupidity and my ego. 

I believe that wherever there is the potential for the greatest good, the opposite must also be true. One must know oneSelf as capable of both— therein lies the virtue. To observe. To respond and not react. To put on your armor or walk the fuck away. These days I just ask myself, which one will be more entertaining? 

What about you? Have you integrated your 'monster'? Do you know what he/she is capable of? It's not an easy task for those (especially women) who have been taught their entire lives to "be nice". It's nothing I've ever aspired to when there are soooo many more interesting things one can be.

I was fortunate to be raised by a looong line of badass women that knew how to speak their truth and had the power to control their own destinies. I passed that on to my daughters, and I hope you'll stop telling yours to "be nice". 

 "As for my girls, I'll raise them to believe they breathe fire."~Jessica Kirkland

Trust Your Heart—Not Your Stories

Did you know, that your heart is the gateway to your Soul? That your heart contains 40,000 sensory neurites and can think, feel and learn independently of the brain? The heart's electrical field is about 60 times greater in amplitude than the electrical activity generated by the brain. It’s magnetic field, is the strongest rhythmic field produced by the human body. Unlike the brain, the heart has no judgment or ego and is without fear. *Info from Greg Braden

All that seemingly trite bs to follow your heart and follow your bliss…it’s a thing. It’s more than a meme on Insta and it isn’t anything to be taken lightly. If you go through life, never tuning in to what it has to say, you will have missed the entire point of your life. Yuh…it’s like that.

And newsflash….the voice of your heart, is not the voice of your parents, spouse, children, church leaders, life coach, therapist or even Jesus, Buddha or Krishna. It is the voice of your very own Soul, your Higher Self, and it contains all the mysteries and secrets as to why you are even here. It’s no accident that it is the first organ that develops in an embryo and it’s your very own internal guidance system. To ignore it, to put your heart-felt desires aside for what you’ve been programmed to believe you are ‘supposed’ to do or ‘should’ desire is to deny your very being.

To quote Morpheous, “To deny our impulses is to deny everything that makes us human.” If you find yourSelf on a little higher frequency than the average blue-pill-er, I’d say it this way, “ to deny our “heartfelt desires” is to deny everything that makes us human. To be human also includes being spiritual. In fact, we can’t really be spiritual, any more than we can be human, as it is just something that we are. You can’t really tell a squirrel to just be a squirrel for it is inherent in his very being. We need only remember, that the nature of our souls/beings is eternal.

There is an epidemic in our western society and that is we have forgotten who we truly are—that we are powerful beyond measure, that we have a mission and a purpose that only we can fulfill. Life is sooo much more than your 9-5, nightly news and mortgage. We did not come here to be blindly devoted to another’s programming. Upon awakening, you will recognize all of the ways your soul has been imprisoned and therefore, impoverished, and you may have a strong urge to liberate yourselves from the veil of unconsciousness.

I believe we are a species with amnesia, I think we have forgotten our roots and our origins. I think we are quite lost in many ways. And we live in a society that invests huge amounts of money and vast quantities of energy in ensuring that we all stay lost. A society that invests in creating unconsciousness, which invests in keeping people asleep so that we are just passive consumers or products and not really asking any of the questions.

 - Graham Hancock

What are those pesky lil questions, you ask? They’re the ones you avoid because you don’t really want to know because to acknowledge what you discover, may cause you to have to take some action, or make some major changes in your life, and change can be scary. Ya know what’s scarier…staying stagnant, stuck and enslaved. Living a life where the lights are half-on til they go out completely, slowly dying in a prison of your own making because you are unable to speak your truth. Many of you refuse to speak your truth because you tell yourselves that you don’t know. The truth is, you won’t even ask the questions, because, deep down you already do know. You think if you can just avoid crystal clarity, you can continue in your half-awakeness....which is exactly where the term, “ignorance is bliss” came from. 

But is ignorance really bliss? Is pretending really blissful, or does it feel more like survival? It’s much easier to feign happiness without that crystal clarity. Just allow the din of all the other voices to out-weigh your own. This is what it looks like: you have a belief that you should and are supposed to stay married against all odds, though your heart is screaming otherwise. So, to avoid the unmistakable voice of your heart, you turn up the volume of the programming that repeats, “you’re doing the right thing, you’re doing the right thing…” Then your brain chimes in with all the other voices that let you know in no uncertain terms how you believe you will be perceived by all those that matter to you and surprisingly all that don’t if you were to do otherwise. Then you come up with more noble-looking thoughts to disguise the voice of your soul a little more like….”I made a commitment…how will this affect the kids….I’m being selfish…” and on and on it goes till the raging flame in your heart becomes nothing but a flicker that you dismiss as the desires of the flesh. Then you give yourself a pat on the back for ‘choosing the right.” But did you really? 

Here’s what else ‘ignorance is bliss” looks like, you have the hunch that your partner may be having an affair but instead of confronting them, you metaphorically put your head in the sand or stick your fingers in your ear with more noise, “la, la, la, la, la…..” Somehow, you think if it remains unacknowledged, then it doesn’t exist—but the heart always knows. So more noise is required to squelch your intuition and keep yourself safe from the truth. But are you really safe? 

We have been completely socialized into not trusting our own intuition, natural abilities, inner knowing, and intelligence. We prefer our desires carefully tucked away in some nebulous cloud, such that we can’t even access how we feel about things, what we want, what or whom we authentically love, or who we truly are. It’s just easier this way and way less messy. We live our lives in the shadows of others expectations while rejecting the true Light of our own Soul, and heart. This is slavery. To look to another for approval, invalidate your own Self, and put your life in the more capable hands of someone else’s, be it individual, church, government, or society. 

What this truly is, is lazy. You don’t need a rule-book to know it’s not ok to take somebody else’s stuff or their life. As a conscious, eternal being, you do not need another to tell you what is right for your life. There isn’t one rule for everyone that says if you got married you should stay married. It’s different for everyone. Only you know if your marriage can be truly transformed and by that I don’t mean putting a simple band-aid on it with another trip to the therapist or ecclesiastical leader. 

If you brush the faux clouds away and tune in, you will just know. You already do know. You’re just afraid. You are the only one that knows if your relationship is toxic to your soul. Only you know if you are or will ever be lit up by your partner, or if you will always feel like you have to dim your light around them. Only you know if you (or they) are merely tolerating, attempting to thrive on scanty rations, or if that person will ever be able to truly fan your flames or not. Laughing, eh? “Fan your flames?” Your partner has no clue as to how to ‘fan your flame’? Maybe because they don’t know who the fuck you. You’ve been pretending so hard, for so long, to be that which you thought they wanted you to be, that they have no clue who’s under all of those masks. Who’s fault is that? 

Whenever we ‘pretend’ to be that which we think others want from us, it can never last without sucking the life and vitality right out of us. It is not easy to be that which you are not—and it is even more difficult to step into the truth of who you really are…at least initially. I promise you though, once you do, it will become even harder for you to pretend ever again because you will feel so happy and free-living the life of your choosing, it will take an army to get you to go back to your old fake ways. 

So…put your hand on your heart, take several breaths, tune in to your heart space and ask yourself some questions. Am I in love with this person? Am I able to be my authentic Self with this person without dimming my Light? Are my dreams supported in this space? Can I be truthful with this person without fear? Would this person love me if they knew who I really am? Looking into the future, is this the person you want to wake up to in five years or even next week? What do you think this person loves about you? Is that the truth of you or a facade? Do you feel like you are a better you with this person by your side, or more like a fraction of yourself? Are their parts of you, you feel are rejected or would be if you released them? 

And to be accountable, where is it that you have created the disconnect between the two of you? Is there any resentment that you could let go of? If you were to forgive them for any perceived wrongdoing, would the spark come back? Where have you closed off your heart and why? Do you think it would make a difference if you opened it again? Is there someone else you’d rather be with? Can you love your current partner as much as you do somebody else? Could you let that third person go completely to dive whole-heartedly back into your marriage without feeling like you just lost a piece of your soul? When you think of the next few years with your current partner, does it feel heavy or light? 

Time to get real? Would your heart be better served by moving on, or by staying together? If you let go of all of your should’s and ought to’s, how (you believe) your children may be affected, what your church has to say, and all the opinions of others—what would your big, beautiful heart weigh in? In other words, Fuck your rules, what does your heart say? But how do you know it’s your heart? Easy. Your heart doesn’t tell stories, nor does it justify its answer. The heart is clear. Vanilla or chocolate? The answer is immediate, and it needs no justification. I choose chocolate… because….no! I choose chocolate because I fucking choose chocolate! Because it is the truth of my soul. Period the end. Nobody is wrong here. The heart chooses what the heart chooses. To ignore it is to fight an unending battle for the rest of your life by going against it. Notice all the stories you will have to create when you do go against it. Just notice. I’m staying because…the children…I made a commitment,…the lifestyle…FFS!! 

The heart wants what the heart wants and it isn’t bad and it isn’t wrong. Your heart is the gateway to your Soul. It always knows the way.  Within your heart and its unequivocal clarity, lies your courage. When you find that, there will be no stopping you. 

 "Never regret anything you have done with a sincere affection; nothing is lost 

that is born of the heart." ~Basil Rathbone

Remember who you are—that you are eternal, but that this earth life is temporary. Trust your heart—not your stories, or the programmed voices in your head. Choose which one you will allow to be your master—your divinity and higher Self or the voice of the masses. Figure out the difference. Your life is waiting. ©lauriefrazier Excerpt from the upcoming book, Get A Fucking Divorce, Already!

On Turning Fifty, Staying Young & Laurie 5.0

In a couple of days, I will have arrived at the door of my fiftieth birthday. I completely embrace it, the way I would an exciting, new love. I have ALWAYS approached each passing decade with the same passion and enthusiasm. Another decade, another lifetime of experience, growth and wisdom. 

People are often shocked by my age and ask what I do to look/feel at least a decade younger (I FEEL 25 btw, not 40)!!  Let me answer that first by sharing what I feel makes one look and feel OLD. 

What makes you old? Having no purpose in life, holding a grudge, being stuck in a religion or marriage that you don't love—that you aren't completely devoted to or excited about, wishing you were somewhere else (with somebody else), not exercising your body and giving it the movement and flexibility it needs, and eating processed, unhealthy food, to name a few of the obvious. Lacking compassion, being mean, needing a controlled (or any) chemical substance to get you through the day i.e. addiction, denying yourself the things that you love, negative thinking and self-talk, limiting false beliefs, endless drama, toxic relationships, expectations, needing to be right, carrying heavy emotions of shame, guilt, fear, apathy, anger etc. make you age.

Being a whiny victim and blaming everyone else including the government, your ex, society, religion, for why your life is the way it is, and not taking accountability for yourself and your actions, makes you old and makes you feel powerless. Not to mention the fact that nobody wants to be around you—which has you feeling lonely, which translates into depression and aging. Stop it already. These things are all so heavy.  Feeling heavy and over-burdened not only has you feeling old, but also has you lacking energy, vitality, health and well-being. It also creates a lack of enthusiasm, irritability, emotional reactivity and cynicism. Are you feeling it? What if you could let go of all that?!? Would you feel young again? Exactly!!  

What keeps me young?

Loving what I do, feeding the birds and the wildlife in my yard, not taking everything personally, letting go of anger and grudges quickly, being with people that I love and adore, getting out side and appreciating nature, being grateful for everything that I have, being grateful and learning from all of my challenges, eating wholesome, healthy food that I love, enjoying a guilty pleasure on occasion, doing exercise that is fun for me, yoga, meditation, meditation, meditation, drinking lots and lots of good clean water every single day, using natural, organic products on my skin, climbing trees, swinging on swings, communing with trees and animals, talking to the sun, moon and stars (and hearing them speak back), believing I have a Divine Team made up of deities, angels, archangels, ascended masters and ancestors that are all rooting for me and assisting me in my highest good, believing the world is a friendly place and that I am always safe and never alone, being in a state of awe, wonder and gratitude more often than not, allowing mySelf to feel my feelings, seeing and creating a magical quality to my life, decorating my home with sacred objects form around the world, creating spaces that are inviting and peaceful, yummy kisses from that special someone, honoring the change of seasons, celebrating holy-days, sharing wisdom, having an amazing circle of friends and acquaintances. This is a short list of the things I love and the things that keep me young.  

What occurs to me writing this, is that allowing mySelf to fill my life with things that I love on a daily and momentary basis, decade after decade, has kept me youthful and happy to be alive. Having and knowing my life’s purpose, being able to earn a living doing it, having it be so varied and interesting, feeling like I am making a difference in the lives of many every day, bursting with new ideas and projects, has me want to live, at the very least another 50 years, if not 100!! 

What can you do to start feeling younger?  You can start by loving your self, making nourishing choices for yourself, creating an environment of friendliness within yourself to yourself, allowing yourself to love what you love, allowing your self to be happy, allowing yourself to do something nice for you, knowing yourself, what you need and what works for you, taking care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  

What's awesome, when you get to be my age ladies (and gents), if you have done a lot of letting go, un-learning, and personal transformation, you feel beautiful on the inside.  When you have used your life to create a masterpiece (whatever that looks like for you), and are simply happy with you, if your looks or youth start to dissipate, it seems negligible, because you feel so beautiful from within, you really couldn't care less about a new wrinkle or a few gray hairs. You will laugh in the face of aging and pity the 20 and 30-somethings that are already injecting their young selves with botox to preserve (with un-natural preservatives/poison) to remedy their lack of self-worth. No amount of outer cosmetic change, will compensate for a poor inner self-image. (And before I get a bunch of flack for this, I realize this isn’t the case for everyone, and I’m not completely opposed. Someday I may choose something…but it won’t be from a space of lack or not-enoughness, or because anyone else thinks I ‘need’ some kind of enhancement.)

So what can you look forward to turning 50? Turning the big 5-0 is when most people are thinking their lives are all downhill now, when most people believe it’s time to get fat and bald, lose your eyesight, hearing and start wearing granny pants, when most people are ready to retire and park themselves in front of their tv’s— I’m calling it Laurie 5.0. The latest and greatest iteration of mySelf. 

The highest version of mySelf has been unfolding. Over the past year, I have just felt so much more grounded and settled in, in such a deep and profound way. 

Settled into making peace with my body, settled into feeling my emotions and not fearing them, settled into a deep knowing of who I am. knowing what's important to me, what nourishes me and feeds my Soul, and frankly what JusT doesn't. 

I have become more patient, tolerant and accepting. I’m less attached to my beliefs, being right or even needing to be understood. I’m choosing peace over drama, love over attachment, letting go over holding-on, and addressing issues rather than sweeping them under the rug. I speak my truth, honor my preferences, and say no when I feel like it, with no excuses or explanation. The people in my life are here because I want them to be, not because I need them to be. Life is good…even when it isn’t.  Hello Fifty…I welcome you with open arms and an open heart. It feels like my life is just beginning. Magic awaits and excitement is underfoot. 

Who Are You?

Over my lifetime there's almost nothing that I haven't lost- including children, husbands, homes, cars, friends, parents, ways of being, religions, thought systems, jobs, loves, etc.

What I have learned is that all of these things are temporary… Every one of them. And that they do not define me. 

They could all go away again, probably most of them will at some point, but I will be okay because I will still be me. I know who I am outside of those "things". 

If you have never asked yourself who would I be if I didn't have xyz… if I wasn't Mrs. so-and-so or I wasn't president of the company or the girl with the great shoes or the dude with the smoking-hot girlfriend…?  Then you are doing yourself a great disservice. 

The number one question of all time has to be "Who am I?" If you don't know who you are outside of your relationships, possessions and positions.... You will be in for a great fall when they disappear as they inevitably do. 

When would NOW be a great time to start posing the question? Who are YOU? 

(Btw for those of you that wonder what I do, this is one of the journeys I take people on...the greatest one you can ever take...the journey of Self-discovery) 

Wishing you much love, blessings & wisdom on your journey, fellow travelers. Remember, we are all just walking each other home. Be gentle with yourSelves, your process and your loved ones! 

(((( Hugs ))) Laurie Frazier 'Maven of Moksha'

To Thine Own Self Be True

Before I can talk to you about loving yourSelf, I feel I’d like to share what I’ve been doing that has caused me to do just the opposite; and that is to dim my Light, give mySelf up, suppress and deny my truth, and as a result, resent my partner falsely and then mySelf truthfully.  Allow me to explain.

One thing that I know for sure, is that the Universe will give me the EXACT lesson I need at the EXACT moment that I need it. And it isn’t always fun, but it is ALWAYS for my growth and benefit. For me, it seems that these lessons are to assist me with knowing what is TRULY important to me. It’s like some kind of refiner’s fire. The diamond in the rough, being chipped away year after year, decade after decade.  Only to shine-you-up to the most glorious, brilliant version of yourSelf that you have always dreamed yourSelf to be. And all it takes, is to be true to yourSelf. Sounds simple enough, right?  “To thine own Self be true”, some crazy half-wit poet said centuries ago. We’ve all heard that line, but do you know what came before it and after it?

Before “To thine own Self be true”, was this line: "THIS ABOVE ALL!!!" Like if you do NOTHING else!  Allow me to elaborate for my old friend Will,  ‘this above all’—above all other things, people, circumstances and or situations, “To thine OWN SELF BE TRUE”, for heaven’s sake!!! 

And why is that? Why must we be true to ourSelves, at all costs and ‘above all’?  Willie answers with his last, most brilliant line: (because) “Thou canst not then be false to ANY man.” Let me amercanize it for you, If you are true to yourSelf, at all times and in all ways, you must not only speak your truth but BE your truth. If you are speaking, acting and BEING your truth, you cannot be fake, inauthentic or ‘false’ to anyone, man, woman, child, situation or circumstance in your life. Not so easy now, huh?  

And why is it so important NOT to be ‘false’ to anyone? First for the obvious reasons—it's not cool to be a fraud.  Second, and less apparent, because it hurts YOUR Soul. Not in the way that it’s a betrayal and you are a bad person—but in a compromises-your-truth-eats-a-whole-in-your-heart-and-you-hate-yourSelf kind of way. That’s all. Because when you live even a smidge less than your total truth or dim your light just a tad, before you know it, you are cutting off your right arm and the light goes out completely!! 

Why do we do it? Or let me stick to what I know—mySelf.  Why do I do it? I do it for a myriad of reasons.  I dim my Light because I think people will like me more if I don’t appear quite as fabulous and brilliant as I really am. I pretend that my core beliefs aren’t as important to me as they are for fear of abandonment.  For example, “If I tell my you who I really am, your beliefs may be different, or diametrically opposed, and you may judge me and no longer want to be my friend, partner or lover. If I tell you how I really feel about love and compromise, it may scare you and you will want to run away before your perceived, inevitable heart-break ensues. I don’t tell everyone that I believe I am the Sun’s beloved and that He is mine because you will think I am a nut job. And all the wise things I’ve shared in the past will become empty and meaningless to you now because you think I’m whacked. Those are just a few reasons that I don’t always shine as bright with certain people—I’m scared.  I love you and I want you to love me back. What are some of your reasons? 

If you feel you have to be less than exactly who you are with ANYBODY because you don’t think they will love you otherwise; that whoever they are is worth the compromise—THAT is the biggest lie and the greatest infidelity.*  The infidelity to the Self.  To thine OWN Self be true, remember?  Not to someone else’s truth—YOURS!!!  The minute I decide your beliefs, feelings and rules are more important/valid than my own or the minute I decide to cut out a chunk of my heart because I think you may love me more if I am a way other than I really am—that is the beginning of the infidelity.

Budddha said, “There is no one else in the world more deserving of your love than YOU!!”  And if I put your truth above my own, it will not be long before I start resenting you and want to leave.  

And if I do that for you, I am certainly not loving mySelf or owning the truth of ME.  I am being a fraction of mySelf—the piece I think you will deem acceptable, appropriate and lovable. I am being inauthentic, living a lie and deep down you know it.  But you remain silent, pretending to believe because part of you thinks you have won.

If I am untrue to my own core truth, if I agree to live less than I truley am, so you can feel secure, and I can feel safe that you won’t leave me, at some point it will become too crushing to my soul to stifle that much of mySelf. And what started as something beautiful will soon be over.  

This is how it often goes—we meet someone, we share our brightest Light, we share our heart, our truth and ideals.  We fall in love with all of that yumminess. Then fear of loss sets in, conditions arise and the parameters and rules are carefully put in place. You are now not allowed to be as big, bright and beautiful with anybody else. The compromise begins.  You start to suffocate.  The death of the relationship (DTR) may begin at the very moment we try to Define The Relationship (DTR)—coincidence? I don’t think so). 

To tell this story more accurately and accountably, the person I am really resenting is MYSELF because I willingly agreed to give mySelf up. I agreed to things that were not my truth but yours. I agreed to play by your rules, because of my fear of losing you and my lack of love for mySelf. Now I am hating mySelf for the inauthenticity of the new self that I agreed to be. I am entirely to blame for this. There was no coercion—just a perceived loss on my part.  

The real loss for both of us, is that I pretty much shut down. I can barely speak, because, this new ‘false’ Self has no idea who she is. I am missing out on my own potential growth that comes from sharing with another who has different views and opinions, and you are missing out on the magnificence of me in my truth. It sucks all the way around.  

So is it possible for two Souls with very differing views of the world and "relating" to have an amazing relationship?  My answer is a resounding YES!!  How? The answer is simple, “This above all: to thine own Self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.” Get clear about who you are, what is most important to you and be THAT!!. Realize that YOU are the love of your life.  Without that, you got nothin’! If you don’t love you, you do not love the other.  If you can’t be true to you, you won’t be true to anyone else. The first love affair we ever have should be with ourSelves.

So fall in love with yourSelf, every quirky inch! Value your hard earned philosophies, opinions and heart-felt ideas, but don’t be rigidly attached to them. Be open to listen and really hear. Give Billy Joel a run for his money singing, “Don’t go changing to try and please me, I love you just the way you are...” to your partner every morning.  Seek to understand the other with no expectation or need for ‘change.‘ Take to heart what the great philosopher Nietzsche said, “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”

Your way is not the ONLY way!  Lose the thought: my way or the highway. Adopt the heart of compassion and understanding.  Practice patience and tolerance. Keep asking the question, “What does it really mean to love UNconditionally?” How can you do it better? Accept, don’t judge, forgive, be true, be free, and laugh, play, and dance through your amazing love story. The love of you life is yourSelf—don't waste another second not being passionately and devotedly true to YOU!  

Thanks for the inspiration WIlliam Shakespeare,Terri Plewa & Shiva Ji.

*Credit Terri Plewa’s poem to be added soon

The Warrior Goddess

The Warrior Goddess

I just love the concept of Warrior Goddess.  I had to learn that it was more than me being tough like a man in a patriarchal society. It wasn’t me owning a successful construction business, a typically male-dominated field. It wasn’t me sticking both middle fingers up at the end of a relationship, saying with a cold, un-feeling heart, “... don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out—and by the way, don’t trip on the line of suitors waiting outside that door to replace you!” (harsh...I know) It wasn’t me climbing the corporate ladder, competing with men to show how much smarter or better closer/negotiator I was than them.  It wasn’t me displaying great fortitude not crying when my grandfather died.

No...that is not the energy/power of the warrior goddess of which I now know and speak.  Those are the false ways, the artifice, the fraud—the ways that will suck you in to some false pride and beliefs about yourself that are all based on a house of cards.  Lies of your true nature, lies about what is true power, lies about the truth of you.

A warrior goddess in NOT a bitch.  A warrior goddess stands firm in her own power. She does not allow herself to be taken advantage of or allow herself to feel inferior to anyone. Think "momma-bear".  She will protect and stand up for that which she loves and believes in whether it’s friends and children or ideals and beliefs. A warrior goddess knows who she is and stands firm in her convictions.  She is not swayed by the critiques and/or opinions of others. She is capable of defending her beliefs but feels no compulsion to do so.  

The strength and courage of a warrior goddess comes from deep journeys of self-discovery into the dark abyss.  It is in that darkness that she allows her heart to feel deep grief and sadness, to take on her own demons, to be completely accountable for herself and emerge time after time transmuted and transformed by life’s experience. To a warrior goddess, there is no challenge she can not meet, no shadow aspect of herSelf that she can not face, no intimacy she fears broaching.

She has a quiet strength about the way she carries herself.  She feels invincible, yet vulnerable.  Her ability to be vulnerable has come at a price.  That price was the demise of past relationships, that resulted from her fear of intimacy, a fear she felt could ‘protect’ her from potential heartache. The infant goddess grew up and found that her true strength comes from standing in her divine feminine nature of vulnerability with exposed, courageous heart.  Only in that space can one know and feel true love—only in that space of exposure can one be fully known.  And it is only in the “knowing” of another that we can truly love.  The warrior goddess knows herSelf—and in that ‘knowing’ she is able to share herSelf authentically with others. 

The warrior goddess has spent time in meditation and introspection to “Know HerSelf”.  She knows what her dharma is. She does not allow herself to be defined by what she has and owns, the position or status she has achieved in life, or the relationships she surrounds herself with.  She is more than Mrs. X or the VP of Sales with the killer shoes. She is purpose driven and has a sense of inner clarity and conviction that extends way beyond her participation in the PTA. 

Another aspect of the warrior goddess is drive and determination.  It’s having a goal, that is more than a goal—it’s a mission.  Something you feel so compelled to create that you will not rest until it is accomplished.  A life purpose, or dharma, if you will, that only you can fulfill. Something that you are so passionate about, that lights you up, that when you do it you lose all track of time.   That “thing” is what the warrior goddess champions.  She doesn’t allow the cares of the world, nor it’s frivolities and yumminess to come between it’s creation.

The true feminine nature of a warrior goddess is to be a confident, courageous, creative force for good, devoid of submission or feelings of inferiority.

The warrior goddess is a realist with courage, conviction and faith that all good things eventually come to her when she has taken on the only battle that ever really matters—that within the Self and the psyche. The goddess emerges a warrior when she has acknowledged and embraced her own demons, taken them on and either accepted, transmuted or transformed them consciously.The warrior goddess kicks ass—men respect her, women want to be her.

The perfect evidence that you are radiating Warrior Goddess energy is when your friends spontaneously assign you a new, albeit flippant, middle name. In my case it was: Laurie “Fucking” Frazier. In all likelihood it may be the same middle name for you. The addition of "Fucking" to any middle name says to all the world, "I am HERE. I am READY. I got this. Don't mess with me."  I’m just sayin’...

There are a myriad of ways 'Warrior Goddess' shows up...for some it's Momma Bear, for others its being an advocate for women and children...what does it look like for you?

~Resident BadAss Warrior Goddess, at your service ;)

Laurie "Fucking" Frazier

The pic of goddess Durga was done by Sreetama Ray https://plus.google.com/106189287736548108263/posts

***bottom two amazing pics by artist Luis Royo

Embrace the Totality that is YOU!!

So...I posted some pics of mySelf yesterday that were more than ‘my usual’...there was a point (at least for me)...it was about EMBRACING the TOTALITY of mySelf.  We get so used to pegging ourselves into rigid identities—mother, wife, doctor, lawyer, spiritual life coach, representative of x, y, z—we become like undeveloped characters in a bad novel who only reveal certain aspects of themselves at the whim of the author or audience.  We live our lives only exposing certain qualities and desperately trying to hide or disguise others (as if they wouldn’t be noticed anyway).

We expose certain aspects to some, but not others...to our parents we want to come across one way...to our kids we desire to show up another...to our boss and associates, we reveal even less of ourSelves. It’s exhausting.  What’s even more damaging to our Soul..is not only have we fragmented ourSelves to be liked, admired, approved of etc., often we are PRETENDING to be something we are totally NOT for all the same reasons.  

When we are out of alignment with our Highest Selves, we are often living from a space of being defined by our possessions, positions, money, cars, clothes, body, ideas, etc.  Somehow we got side-tracked into believing all of THAT is real and that somehow it defines us.  We abandon the longing of our heart and deepest soul desires for what we THINK others  expect of us and for what we think others believe about us, and for what we think will be acceptable to those others—acceptable enough to gain their love and approval. That just sounds like drowning to me—suffocating in an endless sea of expectations.

Meanwhile, our poor Soul, has been abandoned on the side of the rode— we are operating at only 60 watts when we have a capacity of 200.  We are shining a portion of our light but not the super delicious fullness.  Another even more sad scenario is that some of us are trying to shine someone else’s light, copy their hues, sing their song—‚something even more devastating to the Soul. 

The truth of YOU is that you have ‘range’—you are ALL things.  You just choose to play small in whatever ways that show up for you—out of fear or discomfort. We all do it differently...but in the end, it’s the same.  We are spiritual, emotional, intellectual, physical, & yes, sensual beings—to deny ANY of those things is to dim your light and to be LESS THAN what you really are.

I believe it is time to embrace the total magnificence that is YOU.  Shine your Light, get your freak on, be your bad-ass, rockstar Self and don’t be shy!! Own it!!  DO it with style and panache! Own your greatness, smartness, beauty, creativity, spirituality, business acumen, sensuality, integrity, etc.  Why? Because, you ARE all that! As you let your own Light shine, you give those around you permission to do the same. And as we are liberated from our smallness and our fragmentation and begin to CLAIM the TRUTH that is US...WOW!!!  What a world!!!  We just upped the game...the world just got a little more FUN, JUICY & DELICIOUS!!  Imagine playing in a world where ALL people are OWNING their magnificence and sharing their brightest most beautiful Selves—we would have an entire planet FULL of LUMINISTAS and LUMINARIES!!!

For me, I am embracing my own sensuality—In our culture, we are taught to deny anything that even hints at sensuality, as if in someway we would be presencing all the bad and slutty, whorish ideas that have commandeered true sensuality.The truth is our sensuality is our essense. It’s the way we create a work of art, wether it be a book, a painting or an outfit. It’s the way we express ourSelves, it’s what makes us smile the way we do, and throw our head back when we laugh. It’s about ease...easing into the truth of us...what we are good at and what we aren’t...it’s about INTIMACY...with ourSelves first. And it’s simply about OWNING who we are and being comfortable in that place...no one else to be, just lil ol’ me...

So, shine on, shine on—LIGHT up your corner of the world.  The Planet deserves you to show up with all your gifts and glory!  The time is now—and it’s speeding up.  Don’t miss the show, BE THE SHOW!

On Being Authentic and Be Do Have

I was on a second date the other night…our first was a 2 hour lunch…we had exchanged a few emails before that…nothing extensive. So I got a compliment that had me pondering into the next several days. He said to me, “You seem so comfortable…like you have no need to pretend to be anything that you’re not or act a particular way to try to impress me. I find that most people have such a wall up and are trying so hard to create some kind of image they want others to buy into. You seem very authentic.”

My first reaction was, “… well I’m just being me… but thanks.”

As I continued to think about this, I realized how easy it has become for me to just be ME these days. I thought about how comfortable I now am in my own skin. How ok I now am with ANY emotion that happens to come up…I now know that I no longer have to repress my feelings like I have done most of my life…especially the negative ones.

I have learned to EMBRACE each emotion, feeling and thought as it arises and allow my mind, heart and body to ACCEPT and experience whatever is there is to experience. Whether it’s fear, anger, anxiety or excitement, joy, surprise and humor…I ALLOW myself to be completely present with the emotion. A quote from the first Chopra book I ever read, I believe it was Ageless Body, Timeless Mind, that has stayed with me for over 20 years comes to mind, “Be ONE with the pain”…and may I add, the fear, sadness, anxiety, joy, bliss, etc. Be ONE with it, embrace it, feel it, experience it, bless it and release it. There no longer remains any fear in me of what others may think if I cry, laugh, am sad or insecure…I just get to share whatever is there.

I have been living in the practice of open-hearted-ness…because of this space that I have created for myself, I feel much more authentic and genuine. I no longer feel the need to put on a happy face when I am feeling sadness. This has generated a great feeling of peace and calm within me. I love myself more and have more compassion for myself and my feelings than I ever have. In the past, I believed crying was a sign of weakness…I never allowed myself to cry and would berate myself for having any feelings of anxiety or upset. Now when feelings like that arise…I think of myself as my own child…and treat myself with loving kindness. I allow the feeling to arise, I acknowledge it and honor it for the great teacher that it is…I am able to get the gift that it represents and often am able to quickly release it in gratitude.

This has been a major transformation for me…it feels as if my DNA has been re-written. I no longer even think the way I used to think. I have removed many old belief systems and shed layers and layers of old emotional baggage by allowing myself to feel and experience all the things I had repressed in the past. I think I may have cried all summer long…I spent most of my time in solitude, processing, writing and FEELING. Talk about therapeutic.

As a result, I love myself more than I ever have. I am the person I’ve always desired to be. I have more compassion and understanding for others because I now have it for myself. I feel I am capable of being truly authentic in the world, I know who I am, I am ok with my emotions, I am comfortable expressing my feelings to others.

This idea of ‘being’ led me to the next thought of ‘doing’…which is simply an outgrowth of the being. I am now doing what I’ve always dreamed I would get to do…writing, speaking, coaching and making a difference in the lives of others. I’ve had lots of knowledge for a long time but it wasn’t til recently when all of this knowledge in my head made the leap down to my heart and became a wisdom of sorts. I’m now able to communicate and articulate this material because I now feel it…it has become experiential as opposed to just reading in a book and forming an intelligent opinion.

As I read over my journal entry about the above, the old sales trainer in me kicked in to the Be-Do-Have presentations…I had written about ‘Being’ and ‘Doing’…isn’t it interesting I thought, how the ‘Having’ part for me has now taken a back seat, when it previously had a starring role. I got into sales and the window/construction business to make lots of money so I could HAVE everything that I wanted to have…and I did…I just didn’t know it at the time…all I could see then is what I DIDN’T yet have and what I wanted more of.

It’s funny how I have had less, materially, than I ever have and yet I have been happier, more at peace, experienced less anxiety than at any other time in my life. I have had everything that I NEED. It has actually been nice to live without the excess…it’s curbed my shopping addiction, I buy only what I’m going to eat (the deer are a little disappointed as they were the lucky recipients of my waste…don’t worry, I wouldn’t let them starve), I have learned the value of one dollar, I am much more appreciative and grateful for the things others do for me, I have learned how to save money and make a little go a long way. I got rid of my BMW in exchange for a VW bug…it’s been good for my ego…letting it go…along with the things that don’t matter.

As a result of living in my dharma, I know the ‘having’ piece will come…it can’t help but come and is a natural outgrowth of being who you are, following your path, loving what you do and assisting others. It’s just not center stage anymore…it’s secondary to being a bright light in the world, sharing myself and the gifts I’ve been given and knowing that as a result, the Universe will provide me with everything I’ve ever desired that matters.

Things don’t matter…people do…relationships do…kindness and compassion matter…a smile is a beautiful gift you give another…it’s fun to be nice…it’s nice to care…it feels good to your soul to have a good cry or to support someone through theirs…sunshine is a miracle…stars are a wonder…trees are my friends…friends are for loving and appreciating…snuggling with someone you love is the best…love is not over-rated…it’s all there is…and it’s free when given from the purity of your heart.