Want Enlightenment?? BREATHE!!

null (via OM Times Magazine)

Winter Solstice— A Time of *Reflection*Resolution*Renewal

The Winter Solstice is the shortest day and the longest night of the year. It’s when the Northern Hemisphere is the darkest.  People around the world of different cultures and faiths gather in anticipation and rejoicing at the Sun’s return. It is a time of reflection, resolution and renewal.

I. A Time of Reflection

As we find ourselves at the close of 2011 on Winter Solstice, when the sun is at it’s lowest point, the longest night and the most profound descent into the dark, it’s a great time for us to reflect upon our own darkness...our own areas of life that lack authenticity, that no longer serve us, where we have been dimming our light. 

What is it, that we would most like to leave behind for good in 2011, so that we can boldly and courageously move unencumbered into our truth in 2012?  2012 is an important year. It is the year the world  has declared to be the year of awakening. The year when we will unite our Light for the betterment of all. 

Before we can speak of this warmth, unity and return to the Light, we must first understand and REFLECT on its opposite...separation, duality and darkness.  We must understand where we have been, to know where we want to go...and where we never want to go again.

This illumination of light and dark is happening all across the planet - showing us what's NOT working in relationships, in business, in politics, in religion, and more.

Back to my original question...What is it that you would most like to leave behind?? Sit back and simply reflect as I cover some examples (in case you’re having trouble thinking of any :))  In no way is this list comprehensive.  Just a few ideas to get you thinking.  Sometimes we become so complacent that FINE actually becomes acceptable.  Now these are going to seem negative…I don’t want to lose you here…the idea is to find that thing or things that you have truly had enough of in your life…that you finally want to release to be the person you were meant to be and always knew you could be…if only, you could just….

Are you holding on to any emotional toxicity?

     Is there someone out there, that you still have yet to forgive?  YOURSELF, perhaps?

     Who, after all of these years, are you still angry with?

     Are you still blaming someone else for all the crap in your life?

     Are you harboring jealousies, resentments, greed, sadness or insecurities?

What about your relationships?

    How many of you are in relationships that feel more like bondage than liberation and joy?

    Are you staying in relationships for your kids or financial reasons?

    Do your relationships feel more draining than fulfilling-filled with jealousy,fighting and drama?

    Are there family members you no longer speak with or harbor unresolved issues?

What about your lifestyle?

How are you treating your body? The temple that houses your Spirit and allows you to carry out your life purpose.

      Do you get the rest you deserve, at least 7-8 hrs a day?

      Are you eating live, vibrant, nutritious foods? Or are you unconscious about the food   

      you put into your body?

      DO you eat more fast, frozen, canned and processed food than you do live?

      Do you get enough movement, exercise and flexibility into your life?

      Are you dragging around extra pounds that keep you from enjoying life?

      Are you creating time to meditate, reflect, be in nature and experience silence daily?

How about your career?

       Are you in love with what you do?

       Is your job/career your passion or just a paycheck?

       Do you dread getting up in the morning because you have to go to work?

       Is your job/career in alignment with your spirit and life purpose?

       Are you making the money that you feel you deserve?

       Do you make time to learn things you’re passionate about?

How about your church/faith?

      Are you still going just to please your parents or kids?

      Do you really believe in it or is it just your social network?

      Are you there because of any guilt or fear you may incur if you didn’t go?

      Does your religion hinder you in any way from living a life that you love?

  And finally, if nothing has struck a chord with you yet, where have you been playing small?  

Where have you been not only dimming, but hiding your light or your talents all together?

Do you have some Divine gifts that you would like to develop or that you have been afraid to share?

If your answers to these questions are anything less than satisfactory to you, then when would NOW be a good time to commit to letting go, to shifting or transforming any and all of these things that no longer serve you and your Highest Self??

I encourage you in the next couple of days to really swim in some of these things that you feel have been dragging you down the most and keeping you from being your most authentic, wonderful Self. Shine the light on some of your own dark places, don’t make yourself wrong or beat yourself up for it, just ask yourself if that way of being is still serving you…if it isn’t, commit to letting it go or transmuting it in some way.

If you have been feeling that now is the time, if your shadow has been rearing its ugly head, if you have finally had it over your eyeballs with a relationship or job that drains you, one where you feel you are constantly dimming your light...if you are soo tired of playing small in your life, then congrats, you are right where you deserve to be and aligned with the dark energies present. AND... you are ready to move forward.

II. A Time of Resolution

So, how do we rid ourselves of these things we wish to let go of?  First of all, we acknowledge our 100% accountability.  We lose the victim-mentality and stop pointing the finger of blame at someone, something, some event or circumstance “out there”.

The problem is not “out-there”.  We will NEVER be able to point the finger of blame at someone else or institution, wether it be the president, wall street, the federal reserve, etc and change the world. We are accountable for the sad state of affairs in our planet, nation and individual lives.

All of that “out there” is a reflection of the duality, the disconnect and the separation within ourselves.  What is out there is also in here (point to heart)! You’ve heard the old adage, as is the microcosm, so is the macrocosm...or as above so below.  The world as we know it today, of separation and hatred between nations, peoples, cultures and religions...is a direct mirror and reflection of that energy within ourselves.

Until we have peace within, we will not have it without.

Until we have peace within our families, we will not have it with our communities.

Until there is peace within our communities there will be no peace in our nation and until we have peace in our own nation, we will never achieve world peace. 

If we are still struggling with forgiving someone or ourselves, if we are still at war with someone in our family, if we are harboring anger, jealousy and resentment of any kind, WE are contributing to the chaos and violence on the planet. These emotions are getting in the way of your greatness.

When we truly understand, how connected we all are and that our emotions and feelings have a ripple effect, not only in our own homes but in the world, maybe then we will be more conscious. Maybe then we will be more accountable. Every decision we make is a choice between a grievance and a miracle. Let 2011 be the year we leave all of our grievances behind and move into the miracle of 2012.

Decide, make a RESOLUTION, that YOU will do whatever it takes to rid yourSELF of all the negativity, emotional baggage, even physical habits that have you being less than vibrant. YOU make a difference. How you FEEL matters...how you feel effects others and the planet at large. 

 III. A Time of Renewal

The Winter Solstice represents the return to the Light, longer days, new growth and welcoming the healing powers of warmth back into our world. Mindful & heartful intentions are very powerful on this day.  We can harness this energy to contemplate what we would like to birth in ourselves, our lives and our world in the year to come.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

As the LIGHT physically begins to return to the earth and as we move forward to 2012...allow the LIGHT or your truth, your authenticity, your magnificence, return to your Soul...and SHINE BRIGHT FOR ALL THE WORLD TO SEE!! NOW is the time...WE are the ones we have been waiting for ♥ I SEE YOU ♥~lf

Ramadan and what it means to YOU...

I have always enjoyed learning about other religions and their traditions... If it speaks to me, I  incorporate what I learn into my own practice in one form or another.  And if nothing else, I learn about my brother's and sisters from around the world which assists me in having more understanding and compassion for others. 


Ramadan starts this evening and as I understand it, this is what it's all about:


During the month of Ramadan, adult Muslims engage in ritual fasting from sunup to sundown. This practice, Sawm, is one of the five pillars of Islam, and requires that individuals abstain from eating, drinking, smoking and sex. Each evening, Muslims will break the fast at sundown with Iftar, a traditional meal often beginning with the eating of dates -- an homage to a practice of Muhammad.

In general, the practices of Ramadan are meant to purify oneself from thoughts and deeds which are counter to Islam. By removing material desires, one is able to focus fully on devotion and service to God. Many Muslims go beyond the physical ritual of fasting and attempt to purge themselves of impure thoughts and motivations -- anger, cursing, greed, etc. As part of this, service to the community and to those in need is a major emphasis of activity throughout the month.

Sounds like a great practice...reminds me of Lent, growing up Catholic...the month before Easter we were supposed to give something up...most people gave up sugar or deserts or swearing or some other 'bad' habit they had...i'm not even sure why we did that or what was the purpose...sacrifice, I guess...

Ramadan appears to be a little more meaningful...fasting as a  means to forget the materialism and physicality of food, sex, drinking etc and focus on devotion and service to God and their communities.  And the additional fast of purging ones self of anger, greed, cursing and impure thoughts...I would add self-limiting beliefs, negative self talk, gossip...this is a wonderful thing to do.

Just think, a holiday to purge oneself of impure thoughts and motivations...a time set aside to ponder how you can better yourself, practice devotion to your diety of choice and perform acts of kindness and service to those in your community less fortunate than yourself!!! Beautiful!!

 Why not join in...in whatever way this speaks to you. Take your family to work in the soup kitchen...clean up your language...quit smoking or whatever bad habit you may engage in that is less than optimum for your body temple. Or think of something you could let go of if only for a day...junk food, gossiping, drinking, smoking, negative self talk...whatever it is...something will come to you...try it for a day...then another...then another...maybe for the entire month of Ramadan...who knows where you could be in a month or the good you could accomplish.

Just pick something...you may not be Muslim, but they've got something good going here, why not participate. We are ALL ONE and in being ONE, I've found that it is beneficial to embrace the positive traditions of other cultures...and if we don't feel like adopting other practices we can at least learn about them to increase our awareness and compassion. I learned something new about Muslims and I now have another area of connection and relatability. This knowledge assists in erasing stereotypes, judgements and hatred that exists in the world. This wisdom assists us in being one step closer to ONENESS with our fellow humans.

So in honor of Ramadan...I'm going to do my own fast tomorrow...Happy Ramadan, ALL!!

I Am Absolute Existance

Sunday: The Law Of Pure Potentiality: Om Bhavam Namah-I Am Absolute Existance.  

Pure potentiality is pure consciousness. It is the field of all possibilities and infinite creativity.  The best ways to access this place is through meditation, silence, being in nature and non-judgement.  Stillness is the first requirement for manifesting your desires.  That’s why meditation is so important.  When you meditate you access that still place...when you drop your intentions into THAT space it’s like dropping a small pebble into a still pond...the effects go out across the water permeating into your being and essence and also into that universal field...the Universe and your Higher Self go to work effortlessly manifesting the desires of your heart that you have placed there.

Why non-judgement?  Because when you are evaluating people, events and circumstances as good/bad, right/wrong, etc your mind is turbulent...when we are thinking this should not have happened or this person is x, y, z, our mind is all over the place and usually with negative thoughts about ourselves, others and situations.  Judgement creates chaos and a lack of peace and acceptance of what is...so tell yourself in the morning, “Today, I will not judge anything that happens.” Whenever you find yourself judging, remind yourself of your commitment. Or you can play a little game that I play with myself...when I find myself judging another person or situation, I say to myself...”I am THAT I am...” i.e., that mother yelling at her child, that very overweight person, that person that just cut me off on the freeway...because we are ALL, all of it.  That  quickly stops my judgement dead in its tracks often followed by a big “aha” moment.

People of many faiths and practices are familiar with the sacred principle of fasting. When I was a young girl of about 16, I had the Bible quote, “Be still, and know that I am God.”, taped to my mirror. This was long before I learned to meditate or knew this law. I would like to suggest a noise-fast or a period of silence...turn off your tv’s, stereos and ipods, put down your books, magazines and studies and stop talking, texting, gossiping, singing and making noise and just be quiet. Just “BE”. Most people have a very hard time with this...this is where we meet our Selves...this is where we get acquainted with our essence, this is where we commune with God/Source/The Universe...this is a scary place for many...until it isn’t.  Until you begin to relish the Silence...one day you will crave it...but for now, just try having a family meal in silence or a morning or an afternoon. When you get in your car don’t automatically  turn on the radio, talk on the phone, text or listen to any music or podcasts. .  Make the practice of silence a weekly occurrence ...or a daily one if you are more brave. Peace and calm will be a more frequent visitor in your life from this simple practice alone.

I can never speak enough about the absolutely positive benefits of being in nature...it’s why I love to travel so much.  To see the beauty, magnificence and abundance of this amazing planet instills awe, gratitude, appreciation and creativity to my Soul.  When you look around and see the beauty that surrounds us daily....when you see how effortless nature works and in perfect harmony, knowing that we are made of the same stuff, that we are as magnificent as the mountains, that we are as free as the sea...how can we ever have any anxiety, fear or scarcity?  If WE but tune in to that field of pure potentiality, like nature has, WE will effortlessly bloom, we will effortlessly and joyfully manifest our desires.  There is no lack in nature...abundance abounds...that stream of well-being is ALWAYS flowing to us...all there is for us to do is be still, be and allow.  The ideas and creativity will flow and you will be guided to take certain steps that will lead you to your bliss.  

Each of the seven spiritual laws are associated with one of the 7 chakras and the Law of Pure Potentiality is connected with the crown chakra.  Our 7th or crown chakra is that which connects us to the Divine or Divinity; it is our connection with pure consciousness.  There is no greater practice for developing the crown chakra than meditation. The words associated with this chakra are infinity, immortality, holiness and enlightenment.  These words easily describe this field and law opure potentiality...it is where these traits reside for they are Divine in nature.

Our truest and purest desires are simply the desires of the Universe, the gods and goddesses wishing to be expressed through each of us.  So that being the case, when we are STILL enough to figure out what those deep, pure, beautiful desires are...there is a great big field of pure consciousness, awareness and creativity that has infinite organizing powers that longs to assist us in the fulfilling of those dreams and desires.  We are loved.  We are One.  We are the World. We are perfect in our uniqueness and our collective sameness. So what are you waiting for? Get busy and BE STILL!!

* The ideas and concepts for this blog come from The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra...highly recommended by moi.

On Bali, Trash & Tat Tvam Asi....

On Bali, Trash & Tat Tvam Asi....

I had the incredible opportunity to go to the breathtaking island of Bali recently. I went with a client on a “spiritual retreat” of sorts.  We practiced meditation and yoga everyday, along with one of the 7 Spiritual Laws of Success which could easily be entitled the 7 Laws of How the Universe Works. I was struck by the lush, green landscape of terraced rice fields, elaborate stone and wood carvings around every doorway, not to mention the plethora of sizable, magnificent Hindu Temples dotting the landscape. I was also taken by the humble, daily offerings of rice, flowers, fresh fruit, incense and chanting that takes place in the majority of households, villages, temples, places of interest and businesses of every kind.

 While we were in Bali, they were celebrating the metal gods or giving thanks to the gods for metal...in the past it would have been for their knives and swords but keeping it current...they now bless their cars and scooters in lieu of the knives.  The Balinese people all over the island were making offerings, decorating their cars and bikes and the village priests were blessing the cars with holy water and incense.  Kind of like car insurance, I thought to myself.  After all, the blessings of several Hindu gods/goddesses may be even better than Geico, ...and I’m sure they beat everyones prices...just sayin...

So what i am attempting to convey here is that the Balinese people are a beautiful, devoted, sacred, god/goddess loving, believing, faithful culture.  They are happy, friendly, smile authentically, are present and beautiful. They take off their shoes before they enter a holy place or even a neighbors house. It is required of everyone, tourist or local that they be wearing a sarong to enter their Temples as a means of respect to the gods. 

I loved, respected and admired their conscious, peaceful, observant and sacred ways.  However, there was this one thing that I just couldn’t make sense of that I started to judge and criticize.  In this beautiful land...there is trash EVERYWHERE. “How can they be so reverent with all these beautiful and lovely offerings and then a couple days later their offerings become accumulated trash all over the streets?  Why don’t they pick it up?  Here they are working to honor the gods by their sacrifice and yet they don’t think that their trash is an affront to their gods??  Why don’t they see that?”, I judged. 

I started to joke, if I were King for a day in Bali, I would start a clean-up campaign. I would take everyone on a field-trip to Singapore, where I had just come from, and show them what a clean city looks like! Singapore is sooo clean you could almost eat off the subway floor...forget that they are threatened with caning if caught littering and their communist ways...the place is scarily CLEAN. I went on...I would have everyone cleaning their little areas, invest in many trash trucks, create an island dump, put trash cans out in all public areas and establish a recycling campaign to boot. I spoke of this for days...and then it hit me...

I played a game with myself that I play with my clients called, “I am that I am...” So I  asked myself, “How am I that I am that I am judging? How am I like this beautiful island that has all this trash?” Ooohhh...the answers came quickly.  I am beautiful in that I do a good job in honoring my temple (my body & mind)...I meditate, do yoga, eat the healthiest of foods, have healthy relationships, get regular massages, detox when needed, read up-lifting material and make very nourishing choices...that is...except for this one thing.... (well, the one thing that was glaringly obvious to me, anyway...not to say that there aren’t others)...I dishonor mySelf by going to bed late most nights. I dishonor mySelf by not getting the sleep my body would prefer. Which leads to dishonoring mySelf in other ways and not accomplishing the things on my heart because I’m not up early enough to work on them or I’m too tired. 

Yes...that’s how I am like that which I was judging. Now instead of beating mySelf up or the Balinese people I worked on compassion and understanding.  I found out they do not have any form of trash removal in the small villages. In heavy rains, the people that live at lower levels have all of the trash from the people that live above them flow right into their yards.  Clean-up for them feels futile when their neighbors are not enrolled. Since I’m not King of Bali...the best I could do at that time, was to make sure I didn’t contribute to the trash level...and look inward towards my own “trash” and vow to do better. 

 The next week I was in bed before 10pm every night :)...last night I was up til 3am.  We all have our own ‘trash’ to tend to...and like an old Bible quote states, “...don’t worry about the speck in your brothers eye when there is a timber in your own.”  So the next time you find yourself judging someone that is overwieght or yelling at their kids in the grocery store, stop and ask yourSelf...How am I THAT I am?  You may not be “overweight” but you may be over-indulgent in other areas...you may not have kids or even yell at your kids, but maybe you yell at your employees or have harsh words with your spouse.  There is ALWAYS something to see about ourSelves in our judgements and finger-pointing. Be willing to embrace the entirety of you. Acknowledge your darkness. Only in shining the light on it, will you be able to heal it and transmute it.

On the flip, shiney side, we only see the magnificence and beauty in others because it exists to one degree or another within ourSelves. Everything is a mirror for us.  One of my favorite Sanskrit Sutras is Tat Tvam Asi.  It means, I see the other in mySelf and mySelf in others. Everyone and everything are simply different versions of ourSelves. You and I are the same. I am that, you are that, all this is that. I am the beauty of Bali and the the litter and debris...all in one...at the same time. We are not flawed because we have less than perfect traits...we are human.

I am that I am and Tat Tvam Asi are tools for our own spiritual evolution.  The ultimate goal is unity consciousness. The most enlightened people in the world embrace the fullness of their own light and dark. When we learn to let go of judgement, love ourSelves and see that we truly are all one...we not only raise our own vibration and personal awareness but the vibration and consciousness of the entire planet as well. Tat Tvam Asi...I see YOU.

Memoirs from the Winged Life...

It was another magical day in Mexico...I headed out for my daily sojourn to the beach...it’s deserted, the beach club is closed. I ask what’s going on, they tell me the Tsunami is supposed to hit at 1:30pm...it was 1pm.  I headed to the beach, unfazed...the sea was a little raucous, tide coming in further than I had seen before.  I have the beach virtually to myself with the exception of a few on lookers from the road and adventurous stragglers like myself.

I consider my own mortality...what if...what if it really comes...what if today were my day...what would I do?  What would I regret not having done?  What would I do differently?  I ponder this not in a panicked way but in an eerily peaceful way as i slowly walk down the empty, sub-lime coast line.  

It’s day 10 of my master-cleanse...feeling good, a little weak...I decided if I saw the pastry man, I would use my pesos to buy something yummy...after-all, this could be my last hours.  He magically appears, as if the thought itself had summoned him from the ethers. Instead of my usual banana muffin, I decide to go all out...10 days without food is a long time...the vanilla creme-filled donut calls to me.  “I’ll take one of those, porfavor...” I savor each morsel asIi continue my walk along the coast...wishing I had chosen the muffin...turns out, I prefer it...who knew...

It’s 1:30, I decide to play in the water...I’m doing my usual hands up pose, taking it all in...no one was there for the photo-shoot, unfortunately.  I am blissful, perhaps a tad apprehensive...however, I throw my arms up and send all the love, peace and harmony my soul can muster out with the tide for the blessed people of Japan.  I feel safe...this is Laurie Frazier land...my mountain, ever steadfast is watching over me, Mr. Sun is shining down upon me.  All is well in my world.  I come out of the water...I decide I will seek higher ground and watch the show.  I turn around, away from the sea and directly behind me, high up on the hillside is a completely random, green lounge chair...I said, “Thank-you, Universe.”, climbed up and took a front row, solitary seat.

I look at my phone, I had received a text from my friend in Japan...he is safe, but stranded.  Again, I thank the Universe as I contemplate the fragility and impermanence of life itself...still thinking about what I would do differently if my time were indeed limited (which it is).

I curl up in the green lounge chair as I watch the sea roll and roar...what a wonder and beauty to behold.  Simultaneously, the images of devastation curse through my brain as just a few hours earlier on the other side of the planet, this beautiful earth and sea was wreaking havoc, taking lives and leaving a wake of destruction.  I thought about how we, as human beings can be that way...sometimes we are kind and sweet and loving other times we are hateful, contentious and at war.  I make a conscious vow to choose peace, to choose love over being right, to LIVE everyday of my life...to appreciate and find the silver lining in EVERYTHING...to shower the people I love with love...to keep smiling at strangers, to lead with my heart, to silently bless everyone that crosses my path and to continue my great love affair with the Universe, my Beloved. 

 An hour goes by...I come back down to the shore and begin the trek back...a few more peeps have come out...the apparent danger appears to have passed this little shore-line  though still quite deserted.  I pass another pastry man carrying his basket on his shoulder. I use my other peso for a banana muffin...much better....I smile on the inside.

I stop at the beach club, pull up a lounge chair and drift off in the sun...again, I am the only one there.  After an hour I put on my running shoes and start the walk home.  

At the end of the beach there are tables and chairs...I am often greeted by Mexicans waving...today, however when they waved me over, I stopped. They asked if they could take my picture. As they lifted the camera, I lifted my arms in my signature pose...the crowd cheered at the sight. 

At this table was a group of Mexican and Brazilian men in their 60’s...jovial and harmless.  They poured me a brandy tequila and coke and offered me a chair.  The Brazilian asks me in Spanish if I am French...I answered him in my best French, “Mais, oui, Monsieur, je suis Francais.”  He doesn’t understand me, but gets that he is right.  They all start speaking to me...I tell them, “no ablo espanol”...they flag over a translator...yet another pastry man...through him they ask me to come dancing tonight...”my husband wouldn’t approve”...falls out of my mouth.  “Where did that come from?”, I think to myself...and who the heck is my husband? They ask to take more pics with me, as if I am some celebrity and I’m off..they cheer as I walk away.

My next encounter was a horse of course...the strangest, most random events cross my path these days...I could fill a book from just my 6 weeks in Mexico alone.  So on my way to the beach at noon, I saw a horse tied to a tree just a ways back from the road...I said hello, but am often timid around such large creatures, preferring fairies and small birds.  After my expansive day of contemplation at the beach, I was no longer afraid. I was so over-flowing with love, I could fear nothing. The horse was still there...I gave him a big hug...he kissed my hand and loved me back.  We had a sweet little exchange...I told him how beautiful he was and he told me I was lovable..”.awww...thanks, horsie...nice to hear...so are you!!

When you are awake and living the winged-life, there is beauty and wonder all around. I see the Beloved in everything I love.  What is a “winged-life”? The winged life is embodied in the following quote by Thoreau, “ If the day and the night are such that you greet them with with joy, and life emits a fragrance like flowers and sweet-scented herbs, more elastic, more starry, more immortal--that is your success.” Thoreau reminds us in Walden, "Only that day dawns to which we are awake."  One must be fully awake to SEE and in the words of St. Exupery from the Little Prince, “And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye.”  When we truly see the world from our heart, everything has meaning, the Universe is in constant communication with us, life becomes magical and the mundane sacred.  

In the midst of our chaotic world, may you choose to see with your hearts all the beauty that is ever present.

A Year of Letting Go

Numerologically, it’s a 9 year for me. The hallmarks of a 9 year are change, completions and endings. Some experience the 9 energy by moving to a new area, changing jobs, leaving a relationship, or an interest of long association. The purpose of the 9 year is just that: to remove outworn and no longer useful personal relationships, things, attitudes, involvements and interests from your life thus making room for new and more vital levels of growth and existence. It is also a time when one is more likely to scrutinize old values, ideals, and the ideas that you thought were important. It’s a year of giving and looking outside of yourself. The 9 year often makes you aware of a lure to commune with nature as well.

It began in January…of course it did :) I let go of some-thing that was literally a soul mate to me in every way. I left my Enchanted Cottage…I loved that place more than any other place I have ever lived in my life. I’d lived in much bigger and much fancier homes, but this place had Soul…this place felt like an extension of myself…my second skin. I was so completely identified with it, there were times when I think I wasn’t clear what was me and what was the land I was on. I felt so at One there with the birds, deer, trees, stream…the lines at time were blurred. I lived in a continuous state of how one glimpses with a great love…that moment in time, while making-love, when you almost seem to MERGE with each other and you’re not quite sure where you begin or where your lover ends…you are One if only for a moment. This is how I felt on a daily basis at what I immediately dubbed The Enchanted Cottage. In the 4 years that I lived there, I honestly don’t believe there was EVER a day that I wasn’t in deep gratitude for the place or for some ‘happening’ there…baby deer just born…bleeding heart flower just bloomed, hail in June, communing in the afternoon with an elf owl on my bathroom window…you know…the usual, magical things that occur in a place that in truly ‘enchanted’.


Through a series of events… kids moving out and going to college, sister wanting to move in with me somewhere different, current relationship, etc…I left my soul-mate, The Enchanted Cottage…a piece of me will always remain there as I will also carry the spirit of that place in my heart for eternity. It will forever be a part of me. I had a love affair with that place that transcends time.


In March a job that initially was my Dream job…that in the beginning, I loved every minute of, fell by the wayside. At first it could not have been more perfect. I once said to the owner, “If I gave birth to a company…it would look just like this.” It was in the health and wellness industry, endorsed by my favorite guru and author of 20 years, Deepak Chopra, it was an Ayurvedic product, I got to speak around the country, start a woman’s group and assist conscious people in building their business… all the while promoting the amazing health benefits of Ayurveda and the great Chopra Center…including taking the seminars myself on the path to becoming a Chopra Certified Instructor!! Anyone who knows me would get how PERFECT that was for me and I for it! However, it became apparent to me that the ideals I had for the company and the owner’s desire for power and greed were no longer an energetic match. When the time came to part ways, it was the right thing. However, the “death” of what I had thought to be so perfect and the dreams I had for this company, that I had felt so much ownership in was difficult for me to let go of. I truly LOVED that company and put my heart, energy and soul into it. It never felt like work.

In April, I went to Bora Bora…probably one of the most beautiful and romantic spots on the planet and ended a relationship with a man that I adored. Only to briefly get back together with my prior 4 year tormented relationship and regretted it instantly. Ended that one for good…for this life and any future lives to come. Then spent the rest of the spring, summer and early fall processing my past relationships and ways of being. Shed a lot of old belief systems that I had grown up with and knocked down the fortress that had been around my heart almost since birth. Got clear about who I am what I desired to create. Cut out a lot of people, acquaintances and activities in my life that were no longer in alignment with my re-found Self. It was a pretty solitary, lonely yet extremely transformative and productive time as well.


I didn’t jump back into the corporate work force…I somehow knew the importance of the shift and transformation I was undergoing and mostly just meditated, did yoga and wrote…mostly alone.


Some of the other things I have willingly let go of were my BMW and nice, new apartment and shopping addiction. Could have kept them…could have just gone out and got the big J-O-B again and gone on status quo. Time for a change. I have completely embraced every step of this process…not saying it hasn’t been difficult or painful…just perfect.

One of the most painful letting goes I have had to face has been my daughter Hannah moving to Maine to live with my mother. All my kids have had cycled through being my favorites and Hannah has been the closest to me for many years now. I love that child so much. Since she was a baby I have called her my sunshine. She has been that for me…in my darkest and saddest of days, the mere sight of that child has brought me the greatest joy. She has been my best little friend and greatest teacher. I remember often sharing with her what I felt to be the mysteries of the Universe and her just looking at me with this knowing grin. I say to her, “You already know this stuff, huh?’” She just smiles back, not in a condescending way but as a mother looks at HER child… “…yes, Momma.” Such an old soul and beautiful spirit that I can’t even write about her without tears streaming down my face. I miss her so much.


Our kids are not our own. They came here to have their own experience, not ours. We can guide…they get to direct their life. Force is not the way of love or growth. This child of mine is strong, she wanted to claim something for herself and she created it and I am so proud of her.

Through this process an acquaintance of mine became the dearest of friends. During my months of solitude, she was sometimes the only person I would see…still is. She is and has been a beautiful, bright light in my life. She is an amazing example of truth, integrity, courage and spirituality. I can always count on her to tell me like it is…that’s one of the reasons I love her so much. She is true to herself and her beliefs. I live in her home…we’re roomies…and she is LEAVING in December for 5 months!!!


Definitely a year of change, endings and completion….

Good grief what more does the Universe require of me?? Well all of this started this morning when I dropped off my 11 year old, beautiful son at school. We were on time for the first time in a while…I said before he got out…cause it looked like he was going to forget…”give me a kiss, Bud…” His eyes got big, he shook his head and said, “I love you, Mom.” I said, “whaaat???...come on…are you kidding me, you’re not gonna give your Momma a kiss???” He quickly opens the door and tells me he loves me 2 more times as he walks away to be with his little 6th grade friends.


This happens just after I had just been thinking about Christmas on the way to school and was talking to my son about being with his Dad, Hannah being in Maine, and not sure what my college gymnast would be up to…and without a real significant other…feeling a little loneliness coming on…then NO KISS….I lost it…good thing I had sunglasses on…cried driving out of the parking lot down the street and then……

The beautiful Universe that loves me so much presented a beautiful family of about 12 adorable quail on the side of the road and I cried more …then I turned the corner heading east and the magnificent sunshine was just beginning to peak its head over Mount Olympus…it was breathtakingly blinding…you know when it’s so bright and you can see each individual ray shining through….I burst into tears…not in sadness…but in terrific joy…at how supported I have ALWAYS felt my entire life…in spite of everything…I can honestly say that I have always felt like the Universe holds me cupped in its hands…I have never really felt alone…whenever I even come close, that big, blue, beautiful marble shows me something amazing…often it’s a rainbow after I have gone through something heart-wrenching and remained in gratitude, or hawks flying over head when I’ve been missing the Enchanted Cottage…or a beautiful sunset every night from my bedroom window…or a new friend that “sees” me…or an old one that still loves me…


When I arrived home, still crying, there were 5 deer in my back yard and all I could say was, “the Universe freakin’ loves me so much”….everything speaks to me…I live in a beautiful world…It’s a beautiful life…and in the words of a favorite song of mine “…the sun may come up and go down again, I still swear it’s a beautiful life…” even if my son will no longer give me a kiss in front of his friends.