So as many of you know, I moved to Detroit the end of August. I moved because I felt it was the right thing for me. In fact, I had no doubt about it. I left a life that was really great. I left my home, the Enchanted Cottage, that always felt like a soulmate. I was in love with the views of the mountains, all the trees, deer, birds and other critters that I fed religiously. I had the best friends here that most people would envy. Not just acquaintances, though I had many of those, but true, deep, tribe/family kind of friends. I also left several teaching/training positions and clients that i absolutely adored as well. I left it all without regret, with total gratitude for everything that I had here. I left with no back door—nobody sub-leasing my place, no stuff stored to come back to in case things didn’t work out. I gave everything away and left willingly and joyfully to embrace the next step on my journey.
On September 21st I moved back. Yup. I’ve had some people ask me if I were embarrassed or did I feel like I came back with my ‘tail between my legs’, like “wow, I sure mis-judged this one”. The fact of the matter is, no. Not for a minute do I feel bad or regret my choice. I listened to my heart and I followed. I had no doubt about what i was doing and I went willingly. I am proud of mySelf for having the courage to make such a bold move. I am proud of mySelf for being willing to leave and let go of everything I held/hold dear. I am happy with myself for how I behaved, how willing I was to merge my life with another, and though most would say, “oh, it didn’t work out,” I say that it worked out perfectly. I don’t feel like I could have done anything differently or better. I feel like I gave it my total attention, made adjustments without compromising or complaint and remained true to myself.
Even though I lived at the zoo, the one room I claimed and spent most of my time in, over looked the freeway, and I would occasionally see a turkey vulture fly overhead. I didn’t have the same kind of views and there was very little space for me and the few things I didn’t give away, which consisted of my books and a portion of my clothes. I did put out one of my Buddha statues and the other 25 sat on top of a single shelf in the one room I called my own. I was ok with that because that’s not why I went there. I went to experience partnership. I did my best to immersed myself in that. I told myself, it is the person that I am with that is most important, not the space or the location. While there is truth to that, I’m quite clear that for myself, my personal physical space inside and what I see out my windows are really important to my highest happiness. I got even more clear about some of my preferences when I moved.
Although I have always made any space I have work for me, to really thrive and be creative, I much prefer to be immersed in nature. Being the homebody that I am, I do much better with trees and wildlife out of every window. While I’m doing life, writing, cooking, cleaning, showering, meeting with clients, etc I want to be surrounded by nature. I prefer to not be near a lot of traffic or high density population. I prefer to have nature’s beauty within my eye’s reach. You all know I’m that person that says, “Squirrell!!!” only every time I see one :)
As nice as it is to have a partner, I kinda prefer to be the boss of me. I prefer working (which is my passion and dharma) to staying home cooking and playing house. I prefer having a few good friends around. I prefer living close to my kids. No matter what anyone else says, I actually like/love my free-spirited, strong-willed, free-thinking, non-conservative, smart, savvy, sometimes messy Self just the way I am :)) Thank-you very much.
