Gift to Self...on my 44th year...

Four Seasons Bora Bora

I wrote this on my 44th birthday in Bora Bora April 11th , 2010….


So I woke up early and went outside on the deck of our beautiful little hut on the water to meditate at 5am. I started out just honoring the earth for this beautiful place…especially the moon that was in the shape of a crescent hanging in the sky and cradled in the middle of it was a beautiful star…as I continued to look on it, it was the first to wish me a happy birthday…funny, I had forgotten the day when I arose so early. Next was the mountain, then a palm tree, a coconut and a squid…all wishing me a happy birthday. The Universe said, “We are happy you are here little one…we smile brighter because of you”. Nice…I smiled to myself. “Namaste”, I returned.


I love the earth, the planet, the Universe…all expressions of me. I am THAT moon…I AM the drop in the ocean and the ocean in the drop. I AM the beauty all around me.

Happy Birthday to me!! What gift can I give myself this year? Easy. The gift of loving myself on this 44th year. I’m going to give myself permission here and now to love myself unabashedly for one whole year…you (I) can decide when you’re 45 if you want to go back to self-loathing or not. I say fake it til you make it…by the end of the year you just may find you even like yourself…sweet…I’m doing it!! I vow to love every inch and pound of myself just the way I am.


What can I do to love myself?


1. Meditate at least once a day, preferably twice.


2. Do Yoga everyday even if it’s at home.


3. Eat the healthiest food that I can find.


4. Continue eating little or no meat.


5. Whenever a negative thought of self comes up, replace it with a good one.


6. Find compassion for others and be compassionate…maybe in having it for others, you will find it for yourself.


7. Find the stillness throughout the day woven in between segments, circumstance and conversation.


8. Acknowledge the powerful creator that you are.


9. Create, create, create.


10. Take advantage of the opportunities coming your way and make a contribution…your efforts will be rewarded.


11. Be a better friend…keep in touch…acknowledge the gift your friends are.


12. LOVE your kiddies…do everything you can think of to let them know (individually) how special they are to you.


13. FEEL your feelings…allow your feelings to come up…make a safe space for the sad ones.


14. Make choices and decisions from your HEART space…GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD!!


15. Remember you ARE love…no one can take it from you…the more you give, the more there is.


16. Remember you are safe.


17. GO TO BED before 11pm…that’s how you could really love yourself.


18. Get up early!!


19. Move back to a beautiful place surrounded by nature.


20. Take walks!!


21. Visit the ocean!


22. WRITE!!! …and SHARE your writings.


23. Here’s another great gift I’m going to give myself this year…the gift of BREATH…You get to breathe this year…fully and deeply. And after the year goes by and you decide you want to go back to scant and shallow, we’ll let you 


24. Love your body. Stop the derogatory self talk. At least for this year there will be no talk of boobs that are too small or hips that are too big…no tummy hate and no concern for aging.


I want to be in service and give more to others this year…my higher self says, “In doing so you will become closer to your true nature. In becoming closer to your truest self…it is even easier for you to love you…much harder if you are inauthentic.” The more you smooth out the rough edges and chip away at the fortress (around your heart) and get closer to your heart, trust your heart, and believe in your heart in all areas…when you are living in that space….it is here that you will love you more.


TODAY…July 30, 2010
I am happy to report that with the exceptions of 17, 18, and 19 I have done exceptionally well with my list in only 3 ½ short months. In fact, so much has changed for me since I wrote this, I feel like my DNA has been re-written. I have had more compassion for myself and others, I have been living from my heart space and feeling ALL of my feelings…every painful one. As a result, I feel more authentic in my own skin than I ever have and it has been easy to truly love myself. Because of all these things I have also begun to uncover my life’s purpose and have many creative projects that I am working on. Much more to come on all of this.


So it’s safe to say that after 3 ½ months of major shifts and transformation in my life…I will not EVER go back to the shut-down, cold hearted shadow self…even if it is easier. I will however, embrace it in gratitude before sending it on its way…It served me as a little girl to protect myself…now this little girl has no need of protection and is ready to live a big, open-hearted life.


Hello world…it’s a brand new day…