What is an Enlightened Relationship?

Many people on our planet are awakening to a new form of romantic relationship. Old notions of “’Til Death Do Us Part”, “For Time and All Eternity”, “And They Lived Happily Ever After” are falling away as evidence by the high divorce rate and failed relationships. The need to own your partner, control or manipulate them, feel victimized by your own unhappiness (and blame it on your partner) no longer serve us.  Relationships deserve an over-haul—better yet, a full-blown transformation.  May I suggest something new—The Enlightened Relationship. Not for the faint of heart. You have to do your own deep personal work to play in this arena. 

To be in an Enlightened Relationship there are a few requirements: 

1. It takes two conscious beings who are willing to be 100% accountable for themSelves and the relationship—not just 50% accountable and blaming their partner for the other fifty. David Hawkins wrote in Power vs. Force, “By taking the responsibility for the consequences of his own perceptions, the observer can transcend the role of victim to an understanding that ‘nothing out there has power over you.’ It isn’t life’s events, but how one reacts to them and the attitude that one has about them, that determines whether such events have a positive or negative effect on one’s life, whether they’re experienced as opportunity or as stress.” 
2. You have to know yourSelf, so you can own your voice and speak your truth about whatever comes up for you in honesty and authenticity. 
3. You have to let go of your attachment to being right as well as your expectations as to how the relationship should look and be ok with accepting what is. 

Just those three alone are enough to exclude most of the population.  How often do you find people that are able to OWN 100% of the issues in their relationships without playing the victim card? How many people do you know actually speak up when they feel hurt, slighted, upset, angry, disappointed? And not to gossip about it and point the finger at their so-called accuser, but to address that particular person without blaming?  And who do you know that has no attachment to being right? Hmmm...small crowd, eh?

So—it’s RARE. And I will tell you, it will be much easier if you are being that person to find that person.  If you are still blaming your parents or your ex for anything in your life, if you don’t value yourSelf enough to speak up for yourSelf, and if you can’t just go with the flow wether you are right or wrong, forget about it. 

However, if you’ve gotten a good grip on those 3 things above, there’s hope for you...read on.

So If I am in a truly enlightened relationship then I will love my partner(s) unconditionally.  I will want for them that which they desire for themselves. I will also hold my own needs and desires equal to that of my partner and not compromise my own truth. 

In an enlightened relationship, I have no need for a commitment or any promise of tomorrow . I understand that security is an illusion and that the need for commitment or monogamy is fear based and does in no way ensure security only gives one a false sense of it. I have no need to tie someone to a future that doesn’t exists so I can allay any fears of them leaving me for someone else. If that happens, I will realize the relationship was no longer serving us, and embrace it with grace, harmony and no hard feelings. Only gratitude for the love that was exchanged and lessons learned will be present. Enlightened relationships shift and transform, they don’t end. They also transition with the same grace and ease that they began...not with the usual drama, anger and resentment common in the old paradigm.  

In this enlightened space, I am able to be completely present and trust that all will unfold perfectly. I trust that the right people will show up at perfectly the right time for me to experience and learn what is next on my Soul’s journey.

I have no expectations in this relationship, nor do I expect my partner to make me happy and/or fulfill all of my needs.  I create happiness for mySelf from within.  The minute I give my power to someone or something outside of mySelf is where all the disappointment and suffering begins. If I think that my partner holds the keys to my happiness, we are both fucked (and I don’t mean in a good way!)  When he doesn’t do what I expect, I am a victim/whiney-bitch and he becomes an asshole. Yuck!! Unfortunately, that old school of thought is still rampant. There are still people that think someone else is responsible for their happiness.  I pity the hair-dressers that have to listen to the stories all day! That’s probably why one of the first things I teach my clients is accountability—it  eliminates all the story and empowers them.   

I will not create an enlightened relationship if I am still identifying with my position, possessions and relationships.  All of those things i.e. job titles, homes, cars and even relationships are transient and impermanent.  If I rely on those things to “make me” happy or to glean my identity from, I will fall apart when one or any of those things leave or disappear.  When I come from the space of self-referral as opposed to object-referral, I know that if all those things and people go away, I am still mySelf—I have the same intrinsic value. 

Enlightened relationships emphasize an abundance mentality not fear and lack. I realize that if my partner loves another it doesn’t mean that he loves me any less.  I am not diminished in any way because he has others that he cares about, nor do I feel less for him because I love another.  Monogamy is a conscious choice that is neither inherently “right” nor “wrong”.  If I choose it, it does not mean that my partner has to make the same choice. It’s about freedom above all else. I don’t manipulate, force, co-erce or guilt my partner into making a choice that is not his truth. I do, however, have open and honest lines of communication with no expectation of particular behaviors. I don’t ask for promises or commitments...my desire is for us to be completely present with each other.  Promises and commitments exist in a fantasy-made-up-future. 

And even if I were given one, I would never hold anybody to it, not that I have that power anyway.  If someone that I was with decided that they would rather be elsewhere, then that’s what I would want for them, too.  Why would I want to deny them the desire of their heart? Why would I want anyone to be with me if they would rather be somewhere else??  That’s just repulsive to me and wreaks of victim-mentality, guilt and manipulation. If I truly love another, I want nothing but my beloved’s desires for himSelf. That doesn’t mean that I don’t experience any sadness or loss.  It just means that I embrace whatever is for the beauty and lesson it provides me at the same time.  

In this relationship I realize that I am responsible for mySelf.  I create my own reality. If I have any obligation, it is simply to be open and honest. I am not responsible for my partner's emotions or reactions to my honest communication.   I understand that I can’t hurt or be hurt by another unless I allow it and choose to be and then I am the only one accountable for my response/reaction. I am never a victim.  This piece alone would create such harmony in relationships. Imagine no pointing fingers and no blame. Moment of silence please. Exhale. Yes, that would be nice. 

Because I love mySelf, I am content being alone.  I already feel whole and complete—I don’t need my partner for that. The time I spend alone is as valuable to me as the time spent with the other.  I’m not dependent on my partner’s physical presence to feel connected.  Because of the relationship and connection we have recognized and consciously created, we *feel* each other through time and space and sometimes lifetimes. We realize that separation is an illusion—that time and/or distance apart has no bearing on our connection to each other. 

Under this system, I love who you are and I have no need to attempt to change you.  If we no longer resonate, we simply and joyfully go our separate ways. I have no need to try to control you or own you.  I trust that everything that happens is for my highest good (and just more fodder for future books lol) I respect and honor that you are a sovereign being as I am. You and I are both FREE to stay or go...there is no binding contract hand-cuffing us together for better or for worse.  All that keeps us together is pure love, interest, passion, peace, harmony.  This enlightened relationship eliminates manipulation, coercion, control, duty and victimhood.  All feel respected and empowered to make choices in their highest and best interest trusting the other to do the same. It’s a new frontier—a kinder, gentler more conscious approach to love, relationship and connection. 

I invite you to go deep and do the personal work necessary to create amazing, conscious, enlightened relationships.  A few things to remember:  1. You must be that which you seek. 2. The most important enlightened relationship you can have is with yourSelf. 3. It’s ALL worth it. 4. It's a work in progress.  I see it as an ever evolving journey, not a destination.  We are still human and we still may have 'stuff' come up—It's how we handle it that's different. 

I believe Kahlil Gibran sums my thoughts up  much more eloquently below:

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”

***My views on this a couple of years later continue to evolve, as do my desires and preferences.  Where as before, I was so bent on my freedom because it seemed to always be taken from me, having healed that, I do desire a committed, monogamous relationship with my beloved and find even more freedom inside of that.  It's all about your personal preferences, your ability to remain authentic to you and to communicate that ever evolving truth as your relationships progress.  

Summer Solstice Love

Summer Solstice Love

As a people and a nation we have become so far removed from ritual and ceremony. We are so out of touch with the rhythms of the seasons, the elements and the planet in general.

I love to tune in and acknowledge the Full and New Moon, Summer and Winter Solstice, Spring and Fall Equinox, etc and the special energies they carry— historically and currently, for my own life.  They mark the passage of time, and give meaning to my life. 

Our ancestors and ancient peoples did just that. They gave gratitude, appreciation, and honor for the life giving sustenance of the sun, for longer days and shorter nights, for blessing their crops and lighting their days. They gave honor and praise to the bounteous earth for its many gifts and blessings.

I like to do the same in my life.  It helps me to realize that I, too, am part of it, that I'm not separate, that I am one with all things.  Most of all for me, it makes my life magical and adds a touch of whimsy to all that I do. I like to feel in harmony with the energies that are present on the planet.  I have learned over time, to harness those energies and elements to create a life that I adore— to simply ‘go with the flow’. I feel a close kinship with trees, oceans and stars. I have great passion for our sun, moon and planet. I wander the world in awe and amazement at the breathtaking beauty of it all. The earth is my home and I am the earth.

Happy Summer Solstice, beloveds.  Do something to tune in and make it magical for YOU. Create an alter with flowers and spring water, go for a hike and acknowledge mother earth, do a few rounds of Sun Salutations and truly give heart-felt gratitude for our glorious Sun.  It’s really not silly...you know you wanna :)) Be in love with life, fall in love with the stars in the galaxy, give a tree a hug, be nice to your neighbor. Let in the LIGHT!!!  Shine on, Shine on!!!

To Thine Own Self Be True

Before I can talk to you about loving yourSelf, I feel I’d like to share what I’ve been doing that has caused me to do just the opposite; and that is to dim my Light, give mySelf up, suppress and deny my truth, and as a result, resent my partner falsely and then mySelf truthfully.  Allow me to explain.

One thing that I know for sure, is that the Universe will give me the EXACT lesson I need at the EXACT moment that I need it. And it isn’t always fun, but it is ALWAYS for my growth and benefit. For me, it seems that these lessons are to assist me with knowing what is TRULY important to me. It’s like some kind of refiner’s fire. The diamond in the rough, being chipped away year after year, decade after decade.  Only to shine-you-up to the most glorious, brilliant version of yourSelf that you have always dreamed yourSelf to be. And all it takes, is to be true to yourSelf. Sounds simple enough, right?  “To thine own Self be true”, some crazy half-wit poet said centuries ago. We’ve all heard that line, but do you know what came before it and after it?

Before “To thine own Self be true”, was this line: "THIS ABOVE ALL!!!" Like if you do NOTHING else!  Allow me to elaborate for my old friend Will,  ‘this above all’—above all other things, people, circumstances and or situations, “To thine OWN SELF BE TRUE”, for heaven’s sake!!! 

And why is that? Why must we be true to ourSelves, at all costs and ‘above all’?  Willie answers with his last, most brilliant line: (because) “Thou canst not then be false to ANY man.” Let me amercanize it for you, If you are true to yourSelf, at all times and in all ways, you must not only speak your truth but BE your truth. If you are speaking, acting and BEING your truth, you cannot be fake, inauthentic or ‘false’ to anyone, man, woman, child, situation or circumstance in your life. Not so easy now, huh?  

And why is it so important NOT to be ‘false’ to anyone? First for the obvious reasons—it's not cool to be a fraud.  Second, and less apparent, because it hurts YOUR Soul. Not in the way that it’s a betrayal and you are a bad person—but in a compromises-your-truth-eats-a-whole-in-your-heart-and-you-hate-yourSelf kind of way. That’s all. Because when you live even a smidge less than your total truth or dim your light just a tad, before you know it, you are cutting off your right arm and the light goes out completely!! 

Why do we do it? Or let me stick to what I know—mySelf.  Why do I do it? I do it for a myriad of reasons.  I dim my Light because I think people will like me more if I don’t appear quite as fabulous and brilliant as I really am. I pretend that my core beliefs aren’t as important to me as they are for fear of abandonment.  For example, “If I tell my you who I really am, your beliefs may be different, or diametrically opposed, and you may judge me and no longer want to be my friend, partner or lover. If I tell you how I really feel about love and compromise, it may scare you and you will want to run away before your perceived, inevitable heart-break ensues. I don’t tell everyone that I believe I am the Sun’s beloved and that He is mine because you will think I am a nut job. And all the wise things I’ve shared in the past will become empty and meaningless to you now because you think I’m whacked. Those are just a few reasons that I don’t always shine as bright with certain people—I’m scared.  I love you and I want you to love me back. What are some of your reasons? 

If you feel you have to be less than exactly who you are with ANYBODY because you don’t think they will love you otherwise; that whoever they are is worth the compromise—THAT is the biggest lie and the greatest infidelity.*  The infidelity to the Self.  To thine OWN Self be true, remember?  Not to someone else’s truth—YOURS!!!  The minute I decide your beliefs, feelings and rules are more important/valid than my own or the minute I decide to cut out a chunk of my heart because I think you may love me more if I am a way other than I really am—that is the beginning of the infidelity.

Budddha said, “There is no one else in the world more deserving of your love than YOU!!”  And if I put your truth above my own, it will not be long before I start resenting you and want to leave.  

And if I do that for you, I am certainly not loving mySelf or owning the truth of ME.  I am being a fraction of mySelf—the piece I think you will deem acceptable, appropriate and lovable. I am being inauthentic, living a lie and deep down you know it.  But you remain silent, pretending to believe because part of you thinks you have won.

If I am untrue to my own core truth, if I agree to live less than I truley am, so you can feel secure, and I can feel safe that you won’t leave me, at some point it will become too crushing to my soul to stifle that much of mySelf. And what started as something beautiful will soon be over.  

This is how it often goes—we meet someone, we share our brightest Light, we share our heart, our truth and ideals.  We fall in love with all of that yumminess. Then fear of loss sets in, conditions arise and the parameters and rules are carefully put in place. You are now not allowed to be as big, bright and beautiful with anybody else. The compromise begins.  You start to suffocate.  The death of the relationship (DTR) may begin at the very moment we try to Define The Relationship (DTR)—coincidence? I don’t think so). 

To tell this story more accurately and accountably, the person I am really resenting is MYSELF because I willingly agreed to give mySelf up. I agreed to things that were not my truth but yours. I agreed to play by your rules, because of my fear of losing you and my lack of love for mySelf. Now I am hating mySelf for the inauthenticity of the new self that I agreed to be. I am entirely to blame for this. There was no coercion—just a perceived loss on my part.  

The real loss for both of us, is that I pretty much shut down. I can barely speak, because, this new ‘false’ Self has no idea who she is. I am missing out on my own potential growth that comes from sharing with another who has different views and opinions, and you are missing out on the magnificence of me in my truth. It sucks all the way around.  

So is it possible for two Souls with very differing views of the world and "relating" to have an amazing relationship?  My answer is a resounding YES!!  How? The answer is simple, “This above all: to thine own Self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.” Get clear about who you are, what is most important to you and be THAT!!. Realize that YOU are the love of your life.  Without that, you got nothin’! If you don’t love you, you do not love the other.  If you can’t be true to you, you won’t be true to anyone else. The first love affair we ever have should be with ourSelves.

So fall in love with yourSelf, every quirky inch! Value your hard earned philosophies, opinions and heart-felt ideas, but don’t be rigidly attached to them. Be open to listen and really hear. Give Billy Joel a run for his money singing, “Don’t go changing to try and please me, I love you just the way you are...” to your partner every morning.  Seek to understand the other with no expectation or need for ‘change.‘ Take to heart what the great philosopher Nietzsche said, “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”

Your way is not the ONLY way!  Lose the thought: my way or the highway. Adopt the heart of compassion and understanding.  Practice patience and tolerance. Keep asking the question, “What does it really mean to love UNconditionally?” How can you do it better? Accept, don’t judge, forgive, be true, be free, and laugh, play, and dance through your amazing love story. The love of you life is yourSelf—don't waste another second not being passionately and devotedly true to YOU!  

Thanks for the inspiration WIlliam Shakespeare,Terri Plewa & Shiva Ji.

*Credit Terri Plewa’s poem to be added soon

Wild Horse

Wild Horse

by Laurie Frazier

I have too much music in my Soul for just one beat.

I have too much faith in my Being for just one religion.

I have too much love in my Heart for just one soul.

I was born with too much Wanderlust to stay in just one place.

My being is all encompassing....

I am the Ocean.

I am the Sun.

I am a Galaxy in and of mySelf.

I am the wind in the storm,

 the breathtaking view from the Summit,

 and I will ALWAYS be the Wild Horse you cannot tame.

I am Wisdom.

I am Peace.

I am Wild

And I am FREE.

In Praise of The Divine Masculine

I’ve never been a man-hater or basher, in spite of my mother’s influential training and example.  Perhaps because I came into this world with a very clear memory of my last lifetime as a man.  When I was two years old, my mother dressed me up in a beautiful white, ruffly dress to go to a birthday party—apparently I sat sulking and embarrassed in a corner the whole time saying that I was a boy and should not be dressed this way. I remember as old as five walking around the neighborhood sans bikini-top so people would “get” that I wasn’t a girl!! I guess I was unconscious that the obviously feminine, floral bottom wasn’t fooling anybody. 

So what I’m trying to say is that I have always had an affinity towards and an understanding of men, which is why I’m compelled to write today. I believe that for some in the new age community, there is a misconception that I would like to clarify. 

I’d like to address the biggest topic on the current new age agenda: the much talked about and fast approaching “shift in consciousness,” as represented by December 21, 2012. This date is supposed to signify the birth of a new era—the age of aquarius and an age of enlightenment. We usually hear of it talked about as a shift from a negative patriarchal society evidenced by separation from mother earth, from each other, and from ourSelves (which NO question all deserve to shift, if not received a good boot out of the galaxy), as well as war, superiority, competition, etc. This 'shift' is supposed to be towards what is being called the Divine Feminine—a more loving, nurturing, inclusive, and compassionate consciousness. 

As much as we all tout Oneness and Unity Consciousness, if feels like all the talk of moving away from the masculine and patriarchy towards the feminine was creating an “Us vs. Them” situation, thus creating more SEPARATION. There is this idea that the feminine qualities are more important to our evolution than the masculine. I must confess, I fell into the trap of feeling like i was finally the right sex—that somehow women were finally being acknowledge for being the superior gender and we would soon be ruling the world once again.

Because the negative attributes that we wish to move away from are traditionally Masculine traits, we lay blame at the feet of MEN for the problems in the world that come from those traits. Further still, since the wonderful and beautiful traits we wish to embrace and move towards are Feminine, we tend to attribute to WOMEN all that is good in the world. 

I have a problem with this. 

The fact is that women have an equal number of negative traits: being catty, whiny, weak, bitchy, etc. To name a very few. And our male counterparts have as many beautiful qualities that speak to the Divine Masculine which is why we love them in the first place, ladies.

So before we (women) get on our high horses, telling our men that they need to be more like us, we would do well to ignite our own divine masculine traits  such as strength, courage, independence and be more like them. 

The TRUTH of what deserves to occur to move forward in this age of enlightenment, as I see it, is DIVINE INTEGRATION of BOTH the masculine and the feminine. A Divine Wholeness if you will, with neither sex leaving the other behind.  Hell, we just came from the space of separation and lack of unity, right?  Something different is now required.

The Divine Feminine is rising in ALL of us—men and women alike.  The feminine qualities are transcending gender and integrating with those of the masculine to create wholeness, heart-based living and unity consciousness. Just as women give birth to both genders, we can liken the rise of the Divine Feminine as birthing the consciousness of our whole, integrated Selves. Hand in hand we walk, re-aligned and complete into a new dawn. The highest state of spiritual evolution is androgyny—let our spirits unfold all the highest powers represented by the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine.

In our heart-based living our integrated Selves can express love that is more harmoniously balanced. In this space there is unconditional acceptance and non-judgement.  We are open to new experiences, and courageous and optimistic and in tune with our soul purpose. 

We are NOT abandoning all things male in this new era—we are gentling the masculine, empowering the feminine and INTEGRATING all the magnificent traits that make us divine. What we are leaving behind is the inherent separation that men AND women create with our own smallness.  We are leaving behind elitism of all forms—one gender is not better than another, nor is one race, culture or religion, better than any other.  We are embracing unconditional love, unity consciousness, oneness with gaia, our friends, lovers and families—integration and wholeness at its very best and most divine.  We are embodying benevolence, joy, peace, harmony and freedom.

As we get closer to fully integrating our divine feminine and our divine masculine, we are no longer at war with ourSelves—we experience unity and harmony within our own beings.  We are capable of connection and unity, because we have found it inside of ourselves.

In this Golden Age of Enlightenment, let us be One.  One integrated, whole being within ourSelves first of all—embodying the best of both the divine masculine and feminine qualities. And One not only with other races, religions and cultures, but One with the opposite gender. 

Peace and unity consciousness begins within each individual soul, may we seek to BE this first.  May we love our brothers, fathers, husbands, partners unconditionally.  May we recognize and acknowledge their strengths and contribution, as every bit as important and necessary as our own.  May we honor, cherish and respect their magnificence and empower, support and encourage them as they transition into their own Divine truth, as we graciously and humbly do the same.

The Ice Queen Melteth

Take a chance on love. That’s right. When love presents itself in your life, take a chance—love back.  Play full out.  Don’t play ‘not’ to lose.  We have all been hurt before. We've all been on one side or the other of disappointment, heart-ache, and/or betrayal.  It’s easy to shut down and say, “never again—not for me” Trust me, I’ve played this game for a long time but now i'm trying something different.  I’m slowly letting the walls down, the fortress is beginning to crumble, the ice is starting to melt.  My heart can feel the warm rays of sunshine peeking through the cracks and it really feels good for the first time in a long time. 

May I get hurt again?  Perhaps.  In fact, it’s most likely—but I’ve decided that it’s worth the risk. I've learned that pain isn’t such a bad thing  In fact it’s evidence that there is a real, human heart behind the fortress. It’s evidence that I have loved and loved deeply.  And that will always be a beautiful thing.

Nothing is forever, we live in a world of impermanence.  Change is inevitable...love is optional. I don’t need the promise of tomorrow.  If it lasts a week, a month or five years, I will be a better person for having loved, for allowing my heart to come out and play, for basking in the Light and warmth of another’s love for me, for allowing another human being to be a beautiful contribution in my world, for making my smile a little (ok, a lot) brighter, for restoring a dream that was lost or didn’t even exist, I am a more whole me. 

I was never one of those little girls that dreams of a handsome prince, or even one of those women that feel ‘incomplete’ without a man...even as a witch, my spells were always for success not love. I don’t even own any red candles! Men just showed up in my life, I never looked for them. I used to say things like, “Romance, Shmomance” ...and “Love is over-rated, get a life!” I lived by the Marilyn Monroe philosophy, “A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left.”

Today, however, I’m going to consciously choose love—like the ooey-gooey romantic kind. I’m trying it on.  I can’t say that it feels like an old shoe yet, more like an outfit you think would look great on somebody else, but you would never be caught dead in—yeah, like that. There are some cool shiney things about it, but it still feels awkward.  Until it doesn't.

It’s like all of a sudden I have two personalities. The hopeless romantic and the professional ice-queen. The hopeless one starts to send a text that says,  “You speak to my soul.” And the profesh says, “Are you effing kidding me?!?  You didn’t hit the send button yet, did you?! You going soft on us Fraz?  Forget 'Ice', you’re not even cool anymore.”  And then, because as you know, LOVE ALWAYS WINS, the newly soft, sparkly girl puts her big girl pink panties on and says, with all the courage she can muster, “There’s a new sheriff in town, IQ and I kinda like this gig.” IQ packs her bags and says, “Good luck, kid. If things don’t work out, you have my number.” 

In the spirit of 2012 and “shedding all that no longer serves us”, I’ve decided to retire the Ice Queen for good and lose her number. We had a good run.  She served me well, but that was then and this is now.  I’ve evolved a bit, my heart feels resilient and light. It wants to run wild and free. I’m not afraid. My grandfather used to say, “The Frazier’s may bend but they’ll never break.”  I’d like to believe this about my heart.  I believe that in choosing love today, I am creating a brighter tomorrow—where there is even greater capacity for love. Where ALL the walls have come down, where my heart lay bare for Mr. Sun to not only peek through the cracks, but to penetrate my soul.

The Warrior Goddess

The Warrior Goddess

I just love the concept of Warrior Goddess.  I had to learn that it was more than me being tough like a man in a patriarchal society. It wasn’t me owning a successful construction business, a typically male-dominated field. It wasn’t me sticking both middle fingers up at the end of a relationship, saying with a cold, un-feeling heart, “... don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out—and by the way, don’t trip on the line of suitors waiting outside that door to replace you!” (harsh...I know) It wasn’t me climbing the corporate ladder, competing with men to show how much smarter or better closer/negotiator I was than them.  It wasn’t me displaying great fortitude not crying when my grandfather died.

No...that is not the energy/power of the warrior goddess of which I now know and speak.  Those are the false ways, the artifice, the fraud—the ways that will suck you in to some false pride and beliefs about yourself that are all based on a house of cards.  Lies of your true nature, lies about what is true power, lies about the truth of you.

A warrior goddess in NOT a bitch.  A warrior goddess stands firm in her own power. She does not allow herself to be taken advantage of or allow herself to feel inferior to anyone. Think "momma-bear".  She will protect and stand up for that which she loves and believes in whether it’s friends and children or ideals and beliefs. A warrior goddess knows who she is and stands firm in her convictions.  She is not swayed by the critiques and/or opinions of others. She is capable of defending her beliefs but feels no compulsion to do so.  

The strength and courage of a warrior goddess comes from deep journeys of self-discovery into the dark abyss.  It is in that darkness that she allows her heart to feel deep grief and sadness, to take on her own demons, to be completely accountable for herself and emerge time after time transmuted and transformed by life’s experience. To a warrior goddess, there is no challenge she can not meet, no shadow aspect of herSelf that she can not face, no intimacy she fears broaching.

She has a quiet strength about the way she carries herself.  She feels invincible, yet vulnerable.  Her ability to be vulnerable has come at a price.  That price was the demise of past relationships, that resulted from her fear of intimacy, a fear she felt could ‘protect’ her from potential heartache. The infant goddess grew up and found that her true strength comes from standing in her divine feminine nature of vulnerability with exposed, courageous heart.  Only in that space can one know and feel true love—only in that space of exposure can one be fully known.  And it is only in the “knowing” of another that we can truly love.  The warrior goddess knows herSelf—and in that ‘knowing’ she is able to share herSelf authentically with others. 

The warrior goddess has spent time in meditation and introspection to “Know HerSelf”.  She knows what her dharma is. She does not allow herself to be defined by what she has and owns, the position or status she has achieved in life, or the relationships she surrounds herself with.  She is more than Mrs. X or the VP of Sales with the killer shoes. She is purpose driven and has a sense of inner clarity and conviction that extends way beyond her participation in the PTA. 

Another aspect of the warrior goddess is drive and determination.  It’s having a goal, that is more than a goal—it’s a mission.  Something you feel so compelled to create that you will not rest until it is accomplished.  A life purpose, or dharma, if you will, that only you can fulfill. Something that you are so passionate about, that lights you up, that when you do it you lose all track of time.   That “thing” is what the warrior goddess champions.  She doesn’t allow the cares of the world, nor it’s frivolities and yumminess to come between it’s creation.

The true feminine nature of a warrior goddess is to be a confident, courageous, creative force for good, devoid of submission or feelings of inferiority.

The warrior goddess is a realist with courage, conviction and faith that all good things eventually come to her when she has taken on the only battle that ever really matters—that within the Self and the psyche. The goddess emerges a warrior when she has acknowledged and embraced her own demons, taken them on and either accepted, transmuted or transformed them consciously.The warrior goddess kicks ass—men respect her, women want to be her.

The perfect evidence that you are radiating Warrior Goddess energy is when your friends spontaneously assign you a new, albeit flippant, middle name. In my case it was: Laurie “Fucking” Frazier. In all likelihood it may be the same middle name for you. The addition of "Fucking" to any middle name says to all the world, "I am HERE. I am READY. I got this. Don't mess with me."  I’m just sayin’...

There are a myriad of ways 'Warrior Goddess' shows up...for some it's Momma Bear, for others its being an advocate for women and children...what does it look like for you?

~Resident BadAss Warrior Goddess, at your service ;)

Laurie "Fucking" Frazier

The pic of goddess Durga was done by Sreetama Ray https://plus.google.com/106189287736548108263/posts

***bottom two amazing pics by artist Luis Royo